Shattered Innocence
by DnKS-giRLs
Summary: A KandaAllen, semiAU, MPreg fic. He knew what power an innocence could have, but never before he thought that it could make him fall in love, and bring his life to a stage without any turning point.
1. Red on White

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: will you believe if we say they're ours? You're not stupid, right? So what use of the disclaimer anyway, it just makes us sick… right?

Warning: OOCness and super sappy and over-romantic and… well… you can say it's a modified soap opera… duh… btw… forgot one thing, it's future (gasp) MPreg!

(A/N: just something before you read this fic: yes, this fic is yaoi, meaning there will be male-male relationship, and yes, this will contain MPreg meaning one of the males will be (cough) impregnated. So please, if those ideas offend you even in the slightest bit, simply don't read this because we are not feeling like seeing some flames directed to this fic concerning the yaoi and MPreg issues (you've been warned, yo!). But if you don't feel disturbed by them, feel free to read (smile) after all, nothing can make us happier than the fact that we've made some people happy with our fic.)

Chapter 1 - Red on White

All around them was white. White icy sky above their head gave the perfect image of the cold white land covered with snow under their feet. White snow fell gracefully on their nearly white skin that had been long since suffering from the extreme chilly weather. The air moved languidly as if in lazy breath, floating above the land as white silvery mist.

The date showed that time as the twenty fourth of November. The place was somewhere near the city of Kiev Rus, Russia. Their reason of coming was to fulfil their mission, which was to come to a certain cathedral to attain an innocence that was said to be found there. And their only hope was to finish their mission as soon as possible and then back to their warm and dry personal room in the headquarters.

It was at times like these that Kanda Yuu silently cursed his job as an exorcist. But even as his mind complained in a loud voice inside his head, he forced his feet to move forward. With his eyes he scanned the perimeter. Though he could spot nothing unusual, his numb fingers held the hilt of his sword tightly for he knew their enemy would soon appear before them.

"So cold…," his companion said softly.

He averted his glare from the faint horizon to the lithe boy standing beside him. Standing amidst the snow, Allen Walker looked more fragile than usual. The snowflakes got caught in his soft hair was nearly invisible, given the fact that his white hair matched the whiteness of the snow itself. Kanda thought that he somehow looked like an angel and he shook his head to clear his mind. He blamed the cold for making him thinking something weird like that.

"So what?" he said rather harshly, commenting on Allen's words earlier. He could see the other flinched ever so slightly but gave no mind to it. Harsh attitude and cold appearance, those were his utmost form of defence. Kanda Yuu had lived up his life with those strong walls that neither let any emotion in nor allow any of his emotion out. Life was better, he thought, without any petty irrational thing called emotion involved. Maybe that was also why he seemed to be always somewhat a little bit too harsh toward Allen. It was simply because the said boy always showed too many emotions for his own liking; else than the fact that he was totally naïve and innocent.

"Can't we stop maybe for a little while?" Allen's voice came again into his hearing. "I don't want to slow us down, really, but I almost can't feel my fingers."

"You don't have to feel your fingers to fight," he said.

"Well… I can't move my hand to fight if I can't feel it so I was just wondering…" Allen said.

"Stop wondering, you can do a better job by staying on guard," he growled. "My statement is still standing. If I find that you're a nuisance, I'll leave you behind, no matter what condition you are in."

He could see Allen being silenced at that. At first he thought that maybe he was a bit too harsh but suddenly the said boy laughed a little.

Wanting an explanation, Kanda glared at him.

"But you saved me that time," Allen smiled as he explained his reason of laughing.

Kanda frowned, thinking about 'that time'. He didn't know what he was doing when he protected Allen from an Akuma that attacked him on the doll incident months ago. "That was an accident," he said with a pressure to the word 'accident'.

"Yeah right…" Allen chuckled. "Well…it's my favourite accident, then."

The way Allen said those words and the way he smiled almost took Kanda aback. There was something there behind that smile, a sadness he couldn't place and a sheer happiness he couldn't understand. But, as always, he ignored it and resumed his pace in walking forward. He knew that Allen was following him, no matter what complaint the boy had. He glanced back once only to see Allen shivering slightly but kept walking nonetheless. Seeing the condition his companion was in, he hoped that they would find their destination before long. Stopping there would only make things worse so no matter how cold their body felt, he knew it was better to continue walking to keep their limbs from being frozen.

As if answering his hope, soon he could see a large silhouette of a building standing proudly not so far away from the place they were standing. Knowing their destination was near, Kanda moved his steep in a quicker pace but soon realized that Allen was not beside him again. With slight annoyance he looked back to see Allen standing a few feet away from him, shaking terribly. Further observation provided him the fact that Allen really looked very pale.

"What are you doing?" he asked as his way of saying 'Are you feeling unwell?'

"Sorry," Allen said. "I'll be there soon, it's nothing."

Kanda was debating in his mind about what to do. In the end he sighed and walked back to Allen's side. He took the boy's palms in his own, rubbing them gently to warm them up and blew hot air to the numb fingers.

"Really, you're hopeless," he grunted, but before Allen said anything, he continued his words, "And don't think that I'm doing this for you. I just want our mission to end fast."

"Sorry," Allen said. "You don't have to do that, though. I'll be fine on my own, you can just go and I'll be with you soon."

Kanda shrugged but not stopping his work. They said no word after that and the silence almost felt insufferable.

The silence…

Kanda frowned at his sudden realization. He stared at the building with his calculating eyes. It was so silent. Too silent. It was not normal for usually there would be a team of finders placed around the area to secure the innocence before they could come and take it.

Allen sensed the sudden tense that came over Kanda and he asked, "What's in your mind?"

"It's too silent," he explained. "We should be able to find some finders here but there's none."

Allen seemed to think for a while then he pulled his palms from Kanda's and stared at the building in the same way like what Kanda did. He scanned the perimeter using his cursed eye.

"We should get ready," he said. "There are lots of Akuma inside…too many…"

Kanda nodded. Slowly he pulled out his sword and beside him he could see Allen activating his weapon. If there was any reason why their enemy had not yet attacked them, it must be that they wanted to do an ambush when they entered the cathedral.

"Could you give me a number?"

"I can't count. They're simply too many. Maybe a hundred or so…" Allen felt silent, "I hope we both make it back."

The building became bigger as they stepped closer to it. When they had reached the main gate, Kanda grabbed Allen's right arm. "Even if I don't really care about you on other situation, I'll be as good as dead if you leave me with hundreds of Akuma", he said while he still gazed forward. "So, don't die."

"I'll try," Allen said and he somehow felt Allen smiled at him. "You too… don't die, okay?"

He released Allen's arm and managed to push the grand door open. Their eyes quickly adjusted to the darkness and the sight waiting before them was nowhere near pretty. They could spot large groups of Akuma lurking on every corner of the shadowy space around them. Their eyes were gleaming menacingly in the dark and before he knew it, Kanda felt a blast landed on his left side. Giving no space for thinking, he moved forward and prepared himself for the battle. And soon, his sword's thirst of blood was satisfied as he sliced everything that came to his personal space.

As the battle continued, Kanda's feet brought him further into the inside of the building. He inspected his surrounding carefully. The building's actual shape was similar to some sorts of historical ruins, not like usual cathedral in Western area which always took shape of a cross. The building had a high ceiling that was supported by large pillars—where the Akuma hide themselves. Snow fell down from the cracks on the ceiling, making the floor covered by white snow. There were stairs not far from where they battled, leading to another corridor. Kanda presumed that those stairs may lead to the innocence that he and Allen were searching for.

Another blow landed on him, made him grit his teeth in annoyance. Things seemed not to get any better soon if they continued to fight like some blind men like this. They were way outnumbered. Kanda realized this and cursed inwardly in his mind. He knew that while they were fighting, the enemy might take the innocence, thanks to their great number.

His eyes drifted around, hoping to see a certain white-haired boy somewhere in that spacious room. He could see Allen still fighting but his eyes missed not the sight of blood streaming from a gash across the boy's chest. He knew they could not stand this condition any longer. Allen's condition was bad enough when they entered the building and those wounds on his body really did nothing to make him any better.

The sight made him swore louder. Those bastards of Akuma probably were playing with them now meanwhile there were others of them searching for the innocence. Just since when had they gotten so smart, anyway, Kanda thought bitterly, spat some blood to the ground. There must be some high level Akuma giving them commands. But he could do nothing—they could do nothing—else than fight. So he fought, so he struggled, he swore, and by a mean of luck he managed to clear his path to Allen's side.

The first thing he did when he was side-by-side with the younger exorcist was screaming into his ear.

"You idiot! I've told you not to even try to die on me!" he shouted, loud enough to make Allen's head shot up, loud enough to even make those Akuma cringe if they had what people called emotion.

"And just who wanted to die?" Allen said though his voice was barely above whisper. "Anyway, we can't do this forever, they-" Allen stopped mid-sentence to give a nice blast to some Akuma that were coming towards them. "They keep coming without end!"

"I know," Kanda said. Glancing to Allen's chest as he sliced some more of their enemy he asked, "How's your wound?"

"I'm fine," Allen said shortly. Kanda knew what he meant by those words. It meant not that he was totally fine, but he could still stand it, though by looking at the other's condition, he wouldn't stand for long.

"Can you still run?" Kanda said. "I'll keep them here and you can go in search for the innocence."

"But…" Allen started to complain but Kanda wanted to hear no such complaint.

"It's neither time for debating nor acting heroic, bean sprout! Now go, and search, and once you find it we can go from here, understand?" he said. "I believe they said it was kept in some kind of altar. Now make yourself useful and go!"

Kanda pushed the boy away from him but he felt Allen tugged on his coat and looked straight into his eyes as the boy said, "You better be alive when I come back."

Hearing that, Kanda let his gaze soften and said, "And you better have the innocence with you when you come back to me."

That was his last words to the boy before he saw him fleeing from him. He could sense the Akuma moving as if in attempt to chase after the running boy but he positioned himself to block their way, smirking menacingly.

"And where do you think you're going?" he hissed, feeling stupid for really attempting to talk with creatures like them and put the blame on his blood loss as the cause of him being irrational. "Our fight has not yet ended."

He did not know whether the Akuma understood him or not but they did give him much thought after his statement. Soon, their battle resumed in the same way as before with added spice that now there was no Allen there, meaning those Akuma had only one target left: him. Being the sole target for those Akuma was really something that he found the least bit thrilling. And he could see white spots dancing before his eyes which, he thought bitterly, he doubted those being snow. His vision became hazy and his world started to spin beneath his feet. More than once he tripped and gave himself fully open to the attacks.

Kanda swore. He cursed. He cussed using anything both holy and unholy. Those white dots before his eyes had gotten thicker and they began to twirl like blizzard when, at one point, he saw a very bright light coming from the direction to where Allen had left earlier. He saw the light got even brighter. He saw those Akuma backing away. He saw the pitch black shadow give away to the light and the snow covered floor glowing under his feet. And then he saw no more. All around him was simply white.

Blinking his eyes, Kanda realized that he somehow had ended lying on the floor. He did not remember collapsing, but it must be what happened to him earlier to make him in this kind of position.

His headache came back to him as he stood up. He placed his palm on his temple and felt the sticky blood there. He looked around, somehow confused and tried to make his mind work to get some sense about what really happened here. He looked at his wounded body and a memory of a certain white-haired boy flashed through his mind. His eyes widened as he remembered everything. The mission, the battle, the light, Allen…

His feet were wobbly at best when he forced them to walk in search for the said boy. He knew he should stop before further damaging his feet but he did none of that, rather he pressed his lips and ran as fast as those legs could carry him. He did not know what happened after the light came into his field of vision. He just knew that somehow when he woke up, all of those Akuma was gone already. The only reason he came up to was that they had gotten the innocence and took their leave.

They took the innocence, Kanda thought as he ran frantically, they had the innocence, but…

But, if they had somehow taken that stupid bean sprout too…

His face was as dark as the stormy sky when he came to a halt before a certain sight. He felt his breath stopped in his throat as he processed the vision before him. There, just some feet away from him, Allen Walker, the boy who was currently occupying his mind for some good deal of time, was lying in the middle of his own blood.

All around them was white, but there, he saw the redness of Allen's blood standing conceitedly on the pure whiteness of the snow. Red on white, and on top of that was Allen, sleeping soundlessly as if he was content being there.

The sight made him sick. The feeling of sticky blood beneath his feet as he made his way to the seemingly sleeping boy was enough to make him cringe. The emotion rose within him as he took that motionless body into his arms could not be described with any word from any language. But the relief he had in his heart when he spotted the faint rising and falling of the boy's chest was beyond any other. He was alive, and that only was enough.

Carefully so that he wasn't hurting the boy more than what he had already endured, Kanda took Allen's body and exited the building. The blood coming from Allen's many wounds trailed a trace behind them as they walked on the perfectly white snow, staining it with the colour of red.

All around them was white when they walked back the path they had just walked earlier, but this time, there were red stains of blood on the white snow beneath their feet.

- end chapter 1 -

(A/N: once upon a time, there were some crazy ficwriters who got caught in a heavy rainstorm that made them unable to get out of their campus building. And thus, while they were waiting for the storm to stop, feeling really bored out of their mind, one of them had a brilliant idea, so brilliant so that it could be called as enlightenment, which is to make an MPreg fic with D.Gray-Man characters. What's the connection between the rainstorm and the idea, people could only wonder but thanks to that certain rainstorm, now we can bring this fic to you. So praise the rainstorm… or curse it if you want… what the hell we are writing about anyway… (sigh) guess this is what'll happen when you attempted to write a fic (and a closing author's notes) when you were trying to study for your final exams. Life is cruel, my friend, and college is the purest form of evil, but reviews are sweet, by them we shall gain revival (gosh, it's almost rhythmical!) so please review… anything is fine. You know… trash and rotten things and such… (smile) really, just throw then but be sure not to endanger out environment!)


	2. Storm

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: blah and the blah and the blah, there!

Warning: slash, OOCness, sappiness, for this chapter—lime scene, and (giggle) MPreg!

Chapter 2 - Storm

Allen woke up from his sleeping state with a strange feeling, like something was put inside his body and making him sick. He blinked a few times to clear his blurry eyes and see his surroundings. He was currently laid on a rocking bed, surrounded by a salty smell that reminded him of ocean. He could hear the silent sound of water splashing wood and that of the wind howling outside accompanied by some growling thunders now and then. His mind could only conclude one thing from the facts he could gather at that moment: he was on a ship caught up in the storm that was moving to a destination that was unknown by him.

Satisfying his curiosity on where he was, his mind move again to another issue. What was he doing here? His mind replayed the last scene he remembered: snow, Akuma, altar, innocence.

Allen sat up suddenly when he remembered his mission, making his wounds protested with stinging sensation. Allen gasped loudly from the sudden pain that he felt. He bit his lip out of frustration and at that certain time, Kanda Yuu entered his cabin with a dark aura.

He eyed Kanda warily. He didn't know what Kanda would do or say to him, but seeing his dark aura, he could only guess that Kanda wouldn't do nice things to him.

"You're awake," Kanda stated while leaning on one of Allen cabin's wall.

Not sure on what he could say, Allen just said, "Aa."

After that, Allen could only hear the sounds of thunder and winds howling outside, Kanda didn't say anything; and neither did he. Allen could not stand the oppression that was resulted from the silence, so he asked Kanda a question—a question that Allen thought could dig a grave large enough for him to fit in.

"How about the innocence?"

Kanda just looked at him. Not glaring as Allen imagined he would do, just looking. Allen felt another uneasiness welling inside his heart and he avoided Kanda's eyes.

He heard the sound of chair being moved following by the sound of deep footsteps. Kanda's scent assaulted his lungs as he sat close to Allen. "Why don't you tell me what happened first, bean sprout?"

Allen sighed. He ran his normal fingers to his white hair and he said, "I don't know… everything happened too fast… I was… It was…"

He licked his lips before he continued, "I saw the innocence placed on the altar that you spoke about. There were level one and level two Akuma swarming in that place already, but it seemed that they cannot touch the innocence. I mean… they were just there… I managed to clear my way to the altar and I almost reached it… but…"

At this moment, Allen stopped. He tried to remember what happened after that. His mind was still foggy though he did not know if that was because of his blood loss or it was simply because he had just awakened from his unconscious state.

Allen gulped and continued, "A level three Akuma decided to show and tried its luck to take the innocence. I ran, I swear I… I ran as fast as I could, and when I reached for it, there was a blinding light… after that, I remember no more."

Silence decided to fall once again until Kanda said, "You were the only one left."

"Eh?" Allen tilted his head and faced Kanda for the first time after he asked what happened.

"I saw that blinding white light that you described too and I ran to your place, but…" for a moment Kanda's expression was unreadable and then it turned really grim. "There were neither Akuma nor innocence there when I arrived; you were the only one left."

Hearing that, Allen could not stop the pang of uneasiness forming in his tightened chest.

"Does it mean that we… failed?" Allen asked with a small voice.

"I guess that's the case. We have failed."

Kanda said those words with a blank expression, either in his face or his voice. No regret, no disappointment, no guilt, and strangely for Allen, not with any indication to blame him. Allen hated it. The other was supposed to yell at him, to be angry with him, or at least to say his disappointment in him, yet he did none of those. He was just looking at him, which made him feel worse.

"How could you say that with such plain tone like it was nothing?" Allen said, suddenly sat up straighter in his bed. His hands clenched the bed sheet so tightly that his knuckles became white.

Kanda just raised his eyebrow.

"Well, at least be disappointed or something! I have failed Kanda! I. Have. Failed! I failed your trust in regaining the innocence…!"

"There is no such thing as a perfect bean sprout that could handle everything."

"But it was my entire fault… if only… if only I am stronger…! It was almost within my gra—ouch!" Allen shouted, feeling his wounds opened again. He cursed softly when he saw his blood stained the bandages that were wrapped on his wounds.

"Stop your self-pitying! Look at what you've done with you wounds… I will personally curse you everyday if you die and couldn't take back innocence that the Akuma have stolen you stupid bean sprout!"

Allen wanted to retaliate, but his wounds were stinging like it was stung by thousands of bees, so he just settled a glare for Kanda. But inside, he felt his chest lighten up when Kanda was seemingly worried about him, something that was really rare coming from Kanda. It was true that the taller boy did not say that literally but Allen could catch something that resembled care within the other's eyes.

He saw Kanda glaring back at him, but not for long. It seems that Kanda knew that the wounds didn't stop bleeding, so he got up from his chair and took few rolls of bandages. He sat beside Allen on his bed and silently wrapped new bandages above the old stained one. Allen noticed how those slender fingers gently but effectively ran through his bare skin, careful not to touch the bleeding wounds.

And he just could not maintain his glare seeing Kanda's obvious care for him. He also could not help but to smile at his comrade and said, "Thank you, Kanda."

Kanda frowned, but he didn't look up from his work wrapping bandages.

"You know, I'm really happy that someone anti-social like you is kind enough to drag me here and treat my wounds. Especially after I heard you said that you would leave nuisances behind," Allen thought for a moment and then he chuckled a little. "By the way, it's your second accident, Kanda…"

Kanda finished his wrapping with a tight knot that made Allen gasped. He finally met Allen in the eye. "I'm not—"

Noticing Kanda's sudden halt, Allen said, "Yes?", still with his innocent smile—gesturing the dark haired man to continue. It was infrequent that Kanda Yuu showed any care to anybody thus he was prepared to tease Kanda to death because of Kanda's affectionate self emergence.

He had prepared himself, that was true, but he wasn't prepared to be kissed by Kanda. Allen could only watch in shock as Kanda'a face drawing closer to him until finally their lips met in a warm kiss. He had never thought about it before, but Kanda's lips surely were warm, really the opposite of the attitude he always showed.

The kiss that Kanda gave was passionate and a hungry one. And without thinking, Allen kissed him back. It seemed to be that Kanda was encouraged by Allen's act and he licked Allen's lips, seeking an entrance for his tongue. Allen, for it was his first experience, was confused by Kanda's gesture. Kanda had to bit his lips to make Allen gasped before his tongue could enter and tease Allen's inside.

The sensations that flowed throughout his body overwhelmed him. He could feel the tingling vibrations creeping down his spine and he could not help but shiver a little. He could feel Kanda tilted his face to a side to deepen their kiss. One of Kanda's hands was running through his hair meanwhile the other had settled on his back, securing him in place.

The kiss went on forever, or so it seemed. When Kanda finally pulled off, Allen noticed that he had both of his hands encircling Kanda's neck. The realization of what happened that time hit him hard and reflexively, he blushed.

He did not lie if he said that he loved the kiss. It felt really good and somehow made him wonder if Kanda had kissed a lot of people before him because it truly felt so great.

Allen tried to talk. He brought his face upward to say something, anything. He wanted to know why Kanda kissed him, why he enjoyed the kiss so much, why he felt this warm sensation in his heart. But his voice had somehow been silenced by that certain kiss. And at the final moment he found it was Kanda who found his voice first.

"I… I can explain that…" he heard Kanda speak, or maybe he could say that Kanda was trying to speak, seeing how he seemed to stumble for words. That was the very first time in his acquaintance with the said boy that Allen found Kanda unable to speak, and it was rather amusing in one or another way. "I mean… I don't know what I'm thinking… I just…."

Allen put up a hand, placed his forefinger on Kanda's lips, silencing the other. He let his gaze directed straight into Kanda's eyes as he said, "So don't think anymore…"

He leaned forward, slowly replacing his forefinger with his own lips and kissed Kanda back as his return for the kiss he previously received from the said boy. It made no sense in Allen's mind, how could he get pleasure from that kiss so much. But he had been living by doing what felt right, not what made sense. And that time, it was the only thing that felt right to him, no matter how absurd it was.

He could feel Kanda tensed against his lips but he relaxed soon and kissed him with more passion than before. His hands, both the human and non-human one, gripped Kanda's shoulder firmly and Kanda answered that by bringing their body into the tighter embrace. Allen did not know how it started, but when finally they broke free from the kiss, he found that he was back in the bed, lying flat on his back with Kanda's face hovering just a few inches from him. Even in that close distance, he still looked beautiful, Allen thought as he traced Kanda's face with his fingers. Allen always knew that Kanda Yuu was beautiful, but as he was now face-by-face with the said person, he could not help his breath from being caught in his throat.

He saw Kanda's fingers removing his own fingers from his face. He suddenly found that his both arms had been pinned down above his head in a strong yet gentle grip. He could see Kanda lowering his face and the sound of his breath when he whispered softly almost drove him insane.

"Bear with me, okay…"

Allen gulped. He had never been in that kind of condition so he was kind of confused how he should respond to the request. His mind had decided to stop functioning. All he could think, all he could process was how Kanda's face seemed so close to his own, how he enjoyed it, and how it felt so right.

Therefore he nodded.

He could see that Kanda was encouraged by his approval. He felt the other releasing the grip on his hands and then a soft kiss was placed on his lips again but it was brief and before he could respond, the lips had been removed. Somehow disappointed, Allen made a sound of disapproval but soon he was silenced, only to release more gasps of pleasure as Kanda sucked on his neck.

The kiss travelled further down, started from his pristine jaw line until it rested on his collarbone. One of Kanda's hands would brush his bare chest that was only covered with bandages occasionally as those persistent lips were licking and sucking everything they met up with. Allen whimpered, suddenly deemed skin-on-skin contact more than anything. He tugged on Kanda's shirt and the other instantly understood. With some efforts since both did not want to end the kisses even only for a while, Kanda managed to release himself from his coat and shirt, revealing his toned chest underneath. Seeing that, Allen brought his hands and pressed their body together. The first contact made them both astounded at the unfamiliar yet welcomed feeling they felt and soon their arms were wrapped securely around each other.

The storm outside the ship still raged on, making gasps and moans that came from Allen's cabin drowned by sound of thunders and harsh winds. Kanda and Allen's activity was getting more and more passionate, even though Kanda had to be careful to not press Allen's wound hard. But he did kiss Allen's wound softly, as if it could ease the pain that Allen felt. He did drag his tongue along Allen's slender abs, teasing way down his small frame.

For that moment, Allen tried to forget about everything. He felt that he could forget everything that had happened to him, and he didn't want to think about what his action could bring him to. He didn't know why Kanda did what he was doing at that time, but it felt so right for him. He did not know and he did not want to know. All he wanted to do is to kiss Kanda and being kissed back, to touch Kanda and being touched back, he wanted to savour all the things that were happening now.

He didn't even protest when Kanda started to roam further down to the line of his pants. He saw the other stopped, as if asking for his permission. Those fingers were lingering there, not so hard so he just barely knew they were there. Allen could see Kanda's face raised to gaze into his own eyes. He could see how passion had made Kanda's face flushed and his body slick with sweat, but it was the most beautiful scene he had ever seen. Kanda's eyes were looking at his face, silently asking for his agreement.

Was it wrong if that time he nodded?

Allen only wanted happiness, and that time he thought that finally he could get it, even though just for a little moment. He knew that this pleasurable encounter would highly not remain forever. He just wanted to enjoy it for as long as he could. He wanted this, he thought as Kanda caressed the private lower area of his body, he wanted this so much and he would just relish in those sensations he felt. Because somewhere on the back of his mind, he knew that these sweet, passionate moments would soon all come to an end, like the storm that was shaking their ship. The storm would disappear after it had finished roaring, leaving behind the sky so clear and blue. And so, he thought, their moments would soon disappear, leaving behind only what people called memories.

- end chapter 2 -

(A/N: woot! Must stop now cuz this fic is only rated T and description on the rating T could only get us that far… hope you like this chapter as we like writing it. So… (nervous laugh) what do you think of this fic, eh? You can… uhh… give us some reviews concerning your opinion of this fic, so that… what? Oh… you want to… ahem… kill us instead! Oh, well… cannot say that you can, but… are you sure you can't just leave a review even though it only consists of the word 'DIE'! So, dearest readers, you got the point, right? Anything you want to do or give to us, simply include them in your reviews, anything, whether it was a death threat, some poisonous craps, or even a marriage proposal. So… reviews? We know you want to… :D And btw, this chapter is dedicated to that rainstorm during which we got the idea of this fic. Thanks, dear rainstorm… you're the best - what the…)


	3. Wrecked After the Storm

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: it's an obvious lie if we said that we own D.Gray-Man…Hoshino Katsura would haunt us even in our graves

Warning: shounen-ai, angst, could we say Allen torture?

Chapter 3 – Wrecked After the Storm

The next day after the stormy night, Allen woke up with aches all over his body. His head pounded harshly, his back sore, and his stomach felt strange. Not to mention that he already had his big share of injury stinging on his chest, a souvenir from the Akuma, slicing from his left shoulder to his right stomach area. He winced when he felt the pain that came from his private areas. Remembering where that pain came from last night, he smiled.

He glanced to another side of his bed and wasn't really surprised when he found that he was alone on his bed. Kanda was already gone. He was hoping Kanda would still be there, but it seemed that he was hoping too much.

Allen could only guess that Kanda had made some kind of mistake yesterday that he was regretting now or he was just using him as some kind of catharsis from his frustration. He personally thought that it was like some kind of punishment that Kanda gave to him. He laughed bitterly in his mind. He didn't think that Kanda knew, but if he did consider what he had done to Allen last night as a punishment, he was giving a prompt punishment for him. He thought that way because he was craving for Kanda's touch right now. He missed his kisses, his touch, his scent, his warmth. He missed the passionate moments they shared together yesterday.

He pushed his body and soul to work when one of the ship's crew pounded his door and asked him to be awake since they were nearing the harbor. He cleaned himself with a basin of water and rags that were already inside his bathroom. He was not crazy enough to take a shower with a large wound in his chest. He almost did it though, since he wanted to erase Kanda's scent that was still lingering on his body. It made him almost insane because it made him remember of what had happened last night.

After cleaning himself, Allen prepared to get out from the ship. He took a deep breath before going outside; knowing that he would meet Kanda sooner or later. He did not know what he would say or do if he met Kanda. He hoped that Kanda would be willing to think about deepening their relationship, but he didn't dare to hope so much. He would just be prepared of his biggest fear after what happened last night: another cold act from Kanda.

And it was just what Kanda did to him. He met Kanda right after he got out from his cabin and Kanda just gave him cold shoulder.

They avoided each other even when they arrived back at the headquarters. Allen wanted to say something to Kanda, but he found that he could not even do a petty thing like making his voice came out. He could not even say a single syllable to Kanda. It was strange, really, for Allen could answer the usual 'welcome back' from his friends back at headquarters—even if he answered it with a sad tone, remembering that he had failed his mission with Kanda.

His unvoiced words to Kanda made Allen disappointed of himself. He could show a lot of courage that no one could compare to when he dealt with Akuma, Noah's family or some other problems. And yet, he found himself to be such a coward when he had to face his problems with Kanda now.

Well… he knew Kanda was not an Akuma, neither was he one of Noah's family, nor his problem now is something he could consider as 'some other problems'. But still, he should show some courage to face Kanda. Just where was his courage when he needed it at this moment?

"I will give our full report on the mission to Komui myself," Kanda said suddenly, making Allen jumped a little. "You go to the infirmary to tend your wounds. I'll borrow Timcanpi."

Allen wanted to say that he was alright and he would like to go with Kanda to Komui, but he still could not force his mouth to speak with Kanda. So, he nodded as Kanda walked away with Timcanpi. He walked to the infirmary with a sigh after few seconds of contemplating to just follow Kanda to Komui's office. But he figured out that it would not do him any good. Besides, his wounds started to ache badly again, and it hurt just to walk with the other aches all over his body from the result of what he had done last night.

He opened the door to infirmary and he talked with a doctor that seemed to be new. The new doctor looked like to be in his middle-aged year, his face showed that he have quite an experience in his life. He seemed to be Japanese, a fact that reminded him of a certain someone. The doctor listened to him and tended his wounds before asking Allen to rest in the infirmary since it was troublesome to treat him further in his room.

The doctor said nothing about hickeys that were spread in Allen's chest and lower neck. He even reminded him to cover himself in the blanket or use the scarf he gave him to hide the hickeys. For that, Allen silently thanked him in his heart.

He laid on one of the infirmary's bed and looked up to the ceiling. He was sorting out the events that was happening earlier in the day and found himself confused about what he was going to do about Kanda now. As he was considering about what to do, Komui entered the infirmary and looked at him with a smile.

"Oh, there is our Allen Walker… How are you feeling?" Komui asked Allen.

"I'm fine, just a little wound in the chest."

Komui frowned when he heard the word 'little' that Allen had used to describe his wound. It certainly was not little in Komui's opinion, but he decided to shrug it off.

"Is your innocence alright? I will be glad to fix it," Komui said it with a smirk.

"Um…well…" Allen said with a fright, knowing that Komui's treatment would be 'quite' terrifying. "Could it be saved for later? I am exhausted. The injuries on my hand were not that life threatening anyway. It's just a few scratches here and there."

"You sure?"

Allen nodded quickly.

"What a pity, I'm looking forward to repair your innocence. But I will let it slide for now," Komui said, with a smile, "I understand that you are still exhausted from the mission. I am sorry to order Kanda come back quickly with you because there was no person at the headquarters that I could dispatch at that moment to help taking care of your wounds and pick you up."

"I see... Kanda took care of me under your orders…" Allen mumbled. His heart felt a little heavy after hearing that piece of information.

"Sorry, what did you just say?"

Allen smiled at Komui. "I said that it was okay, Komui. I understood that Akuma are raging everywhere at this moment so there was no one to pick me up," Allen said, "I'm sorry that I could not prevent Noah family's plan by completing the mission."

Komui shook his head. "Don't be, Allen. The important thing is that you and Kanda are both safe."

Allen smiled broadly at that and was rewarded the same by Komui.

"Well then, I should be going," Komui said, "I have to prepare Kanda's next mission."

"What…? He is going to another mission right after he came back?"

"Yes," Komui said with a sigh. "It's always like that, isn't it? We are short on exorcists and the Noah's family is kind enough to make it even fewer than before."

Allen looked down and said, "Yes, I know…" He could not stop to think about why he hadn't ever considered how much Kanda wasn't here at the headquarters before. Then again, he was also too caught up with his mission and his reflection of the Noah's family to notice.

Komui smiled. "You are worried about him, aren't you?"

Allen just blushed and looked away.

Komui chuckled. "You know, for the pair that seemed to have bad vibes toward each other, you seemed to be so concerned one to another. Anyway, it is best if you get well soon so you could help him doing another mission."

Allen nodded. He wanted to say that Kanda would not be so concerned about him, but he could not bring himself to say it. It was because deep inside, he wanted Kanda to be concern at him like Komui said. He also wanted Kanda to worry about him, and fuss about him even for a little. But he just knew that it was almost impossible to happen.

"Well then, I will be going. Rest well, Allen."

Allen nodded while Komui walked out after giving him hand waves. Allen sighed and was about to flop back to his bed when he heard deep footsteps that was familiar to him. It belonged to none other than Kanda Yuu.

The long-haired man stepped inside the infirmary and he walked to his bed after a moment of glancing—glaring, to be exact—at the first and only person beside Allen that he saw in the infirmary. The unlucky person happened to be the doctor that looked like he was quite frightened with Kanda. He excused himself to the bathroom right away after a few seconds under Kanda's glare. And Allen just knew that he would not be back until Kanda left the infirmary. That meant that he was just alone with Kanda in the infirmary.

Great. Just when he didn't know what to say to Kanda. Just when he had not even sorted of what was really happening with him and Kanda.

Kanda finally saw him and Allen quickly averted his gaze from Kanda. Deep footsteps directed to his bed was heard when Kanda approached him. Not long after the footsteps stopped, Kanda asked, "Could I talk to you?"

Allen nodded. He directed his gaze at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing in the world. He could not look at Kanda right now, for he was afraid that he was going to say something or looked stupid to him.

"I wanted to talk about what happened last night."

Allen still could not say something to Kanda. He was just clutching his blanket and found the ceiling more interesting at that moment.

"Listen…" Kanda paused for a moment and continue it with, "Can you… forget about it?"

Allen felt his heart crunched at that moment. Forget about it? He wanted to shout at Kanda for being such a bastard, but he could not. He could not think about what he was going to say. He could not think about the proper way to make Kanda know about…

What? What did he want Kanda to know? Did he want Kanda to know about his feelings for him? And so he could break his heart more when Kanda told him that it was just a mistake? That it was just him and his little tiny frustration that did not concern him?

Allen swallowed up all his thoughts on the back on his mind and he finally courage himself to said, "I understand."

It was not an answer 'yes', because he just knew that he could not make himself forget about what had happened between him and Kanda. But it was just an answer that was ambiguous enough to make him hope that Kanda would just walk away with that. If Kanda bought it, then Allen sure that he would get by with his feelings for Kanda, and before long, he would be able to look at him again as a friend. Yes, just as a friend…at least nothing less…

"I am glad to hear that," Kanda said in a polite manner, making Allen quite sick with the tone, yet almost making him sigh in relief that Kanda didn't realize that he did not answered in a 'yes-no' fashion.

"I will be going then," Kanda said. "I have another mission to do."

"Aa…" Allen said. Is this what he wanted? To go back to where they were nothing but friends? Could it even be that Kanda really does considered him as highly as a 'friend'?

"Kanda…" he heard himself calling his name without thinking.

He heard Kanda's deep footsteps stopped and he almost panicked thinking about what he was actually going to say.

"What is it bean sprout? Say it quickly. I don't have much time."

Something inside Allen snapped when he heard his nick name that was given by Kanda. "I'm Allen! Don't call me bean sprout!"

Kanda raised his eyebrow at Allen's sudden outburst.

"Just… be careful on your mission, okay?"

"Che," Kanda said, "I wouldn't be here in the infirmary lazing around after this mission has been done."

"Are you implying that I am lazing around?"

Kanda just turned around from Allen as an answer. He was almost out from the infirmary when Allen heard him saying, "You better be out of this room when I'm back, bean sprout, or I'll kill you for lazing around."

"Hmph. I'll do the same if I find you here when you get back."

Kanda said nothing and left. When his footsteps faded away, Allen sighed. Well, even though his relationship with Kanda did not go to the direction he wanted to be, at least it was not worse than being a friend. With that thought in his mind, Allen closed his eyes and he braced himself to sleep.

He was almost gone to the land of dreams when he heard his doctor say, "Oh my, Allen-san, are you feeling alright?"

"I am fine, doctor."

"But why are you crying? Do your wounds start to ache again? Were you being bullied by the frightening young man that just came here?"

Allen frowned. He touched his cheek and gasped when he felt it wet. Furthermore, after he now realized it, he felt droplets of tears forming on his eyes rapidly. He wanted to stop it. Crying did not solve anything, nor could it bring anyone to fall for him. It was just a waste of time and energy. But his tears just streamed down regardless of his efforts to stop it.

"Allen-san?"

Allen tried to smile at his doctor, but he found himself failing miserably to do so. How did Kanda can affect him so? He hated him. He hated Kanda for making him feel so helpless like this. But he hated himself more to be such a coward to Kanda.

"Don't worry, doctor," Allen finally said with a trembling voice after mustering up his strength that was left.

"I'll be alright. I will be fine," he found himself saying those words, even though he knew that he would not likely be fine for quite a long time. Not with what that had happened. Not with Kanda that could only consider him no more than a friend.

- end chapter 3 -

(A/N: that's chapter three for you… so it's only logical if we think there'll be some reviews for us, right? There was thing called equivalent exchange here, you see… (laugh) but, we're so glad that this chapter is finally finished. It had gone through many things: massive essays on psychology, complex software engineering, tremendous amount of paperwork, a hell of database project… It's almost a miracle that we could deliver this chapter to you. So please give us some reviews to keep us alive… or some that can give us instant death… at least it's better than dying slowly and painfully under the torments of our beloved lecturers… gah!)


	4. Back

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: if indeed this is ours, wouldn't it be called 'claimer' then instead of 'DIS-claimer'? You can tell by that what it means right?

Warning: major OOCness issued! And super sappy and over-romantic and… well… you can say it's a modified soap opera… duh… btw… forgot one thing, it's (gasp) MPreg!

Chapter 4 - Back

His boots echoed loudly as they made contact with the concrete tile floor underneath his feet. The corridor was dark, as Kanda Yuu observed with his piercing gaze, and it too was empty. He did not expect to meet anyone, though, not in that kind of hour. It was just the very beginning of morning, a perfect time to sleep in or, if circumstances demanded the opposite, a time to take at least a decent breakfast before work.

Breakfast, he snorted. He even had not yet had his share of food since approximately thirty six hours prior. Damn mission, he grumbled slightly as he walked faster, somehow determined to give his report as soon as possible and have a warm bath. His mission was exhausting, if he could not say that it was hell in its purest form. He had spent over one month in that depressing town to search for a certain general. Just when he was about to go back, a report came, saying that an innocence had been spotted somewhere around that area and he was hoped to attain it which required him to spend some more weeks there. Even after that had been finished, Kanda realized that it was his pure luck that he managed to get free before they could appoint another mission to him.

But at least he did find and get the innocence…

Kanda cursed under his breath as that thing brought back some memories to his mind. He did not deny that he had tried to forget the memories of that certain incident happened between him and Allen in their last mission, but somehow he could not. It was as if his subconscious mind did not let him forget that easily. He admitted that even after many times had passed, his dreams were still plagued with a certain white haired youth who suddenly claimed a permanent spot in his heart.

He quickly switched his mind to another subject as he started to have the memories came flooding into him. Eyeing the report he had in his hands, Kanda moved his legs further down the corridor, only to stop at a certain sound coming from somewhere along his left side.

He scrutinized the seemingly-empty hall from which he heard the sound coming. It was not stopped, rather it became louder. When he put more effort in hearing that, Kanda became aware that it sounded like someone who was terribly sick. Kanda had already obtained a frown on his forehead by the moment he decided to investigate the sound. Even though he should not care less, but his heart felt that he had to investigate that sound.

He walked out from his current path to observe the dark corridor on his left. As far as he knew, that part of the head quarters was not the place commonly visited by anyone. He could see the place was a deserted one, just a small broken corridor that lead to a single room on the far end of the hall. The sound, Kanda noticed, was coming from there. So without further ado, he pushed the door open to see what was behind it.

He was surprised beyond reason when he found out that it was none other than Allen Walker whom he spotted in the room. The room turned out to be an abandoned bathroom and there he was standing alone, his head bowed low above a sink. Kanda could see how pale he was, how sick he seemed, and how he tried to avoid his gaze. Even when he still stared at him, Kanda saw Allen had another wave of sickness and he was vomiting again to the sink. The sight was so heartbreaking and yet he could not think of anything he could do that time. When Allen finished being sick, Kanda watched him washing the remnants of vile from his face. Afterwards he collapsed to the cold bathroom floor and finally Kanda found strength in his feet to approach Allen's slumped figure.

"You fine?" he said with a frown though he knew Allen was everything but fine.

The boy only glared at him and made an attempt to stand up. Kanda knew that his aid was uncalled for, so he let Allen stand up on his own. He stumbled a bit, finally regaining his balance by leaning on the bathroom wall. His clothes and hair was a mess and his face was as pale as paper sheet.

"What's wrong with you?" Kanda asked and he meant not only about the other's sickness but also his cold gesture toward him. He saw Allen kept his silence and he even attempted to walk past him without answering his question. Now, that was too much. Forgetting his report, he dropped the papers to the ground and approached Allen.

Kanda grabbed the boy's right arm to prevent him from going away and said, "I'm talking here!"

Allen only bit his lower lip and tried to release himself from Kanda's grip but he was too weak to do that. He struggled and looked really desperate when he still could not manage to pry himself loose from Kanda. Kanda himself made sure that his grip was enough to hold the other there but not too strong to actually hurt him.

"Now, care to tell me what is wrong with you?" he asked.

His heart flinched when he saw Allen's face raised and he eyed him with an icy glare that matched well with his cold tone as he said, "It is not your business."

Kanda unconsciously tightened his grip a bit, "I just saw you throwing up like crazy before my eyes and you said it wasn't my business?" he hissed.

Allen suddenly found his power back and snapped Kanda's hand that was gripping his. His voice was near to a shriek when he said, "What do you care about me anyway?"

Kanda surely did not expect such outburst to come from Allen. He watched in pure shock at the boy. That was for the first time he ever saw Allen acted that way. But when he saw Allen's body swayed and how his hand tightly gripped his head, he spontaneously caught the frail body before it fell to the ground. He noticed how thin Allen felt in his arms. He knew that Allen had always been slim but he never knew that his body was supposed to feel that light.

"You're sick," he said. It was more of a statement rather than a question. Allen was sick, Kanda could see that. He saw the cold sweat that coated Allen's forehead; he detected how cold Allen's skin felt under his touch. He was no longer the warm happy boy he had known so far and the realization saddened him far greater than what he was supposed to be.

Allen was mumbling something under his breath that sounded like his attempt to resist being touched by Kanda. But Kanda did not have any intention to release his hold to the boy. He managed to straighten Allen up and he finally sensed that his help was no longer being rejected, though he could not figure out whether it was because Allen had somehow accepted him or he was simply too weak to do otherwise.

"I'll take you to Komui, let's check what's happening with you," he stated firmly.

"No!" Allen shouted and once again tried to run away from him.

"No offence, bean sprout!" he said as he managed to drag Allen with him, half pulling half pushing him along the way. Allen was still struggling in his arms. He even gave a few light punches to his chest. It took a great deal of patience dealing with Allen at that moment and Kanda was taken aback by the fact that he had not lost any of the very little bit patience he had in him. Usually if he was being faced with such condition, he would just leave the person and let him suffer in peace, but he just could not did that now, no matter what reason he had in his mind.

"Let go!" Allen said. His struggle suddenly became more aggressive and Kanda cursed mentally as his right feet was being stomped on by the boy. When Allen managed to bite his hand that was encircling his shoulder, Kanda had had enough. Without further word, he caught the other's waist. Concerned not with the sound of protest the boy made, Kanda slung that slim body over his left shoulder and carried him down the hall.

"Just be obedient for this once, bean sprout, it's for your own good!" he said.

"Let me go, now!" Allen said with his fist banging on Kanda's back.

"No!" Kanda replied with gritting his teeth.

"Let me go or I'll…"

Kanda was surprised when he sensed that the banging was suddenly stopped. Allen's body tensed under his grip and he released a suppressed gasp. This too was not missed by the taller boy. He halted his step, worry seeping through his body as he asked.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Hurt…" he heard Allen whispered between his raged breaths. "My… chest… my stomach, they're… hurt…"

Kanda remembered the wound Allen had on his chest during their previous mission and he symbolically smacked his head for not remembering it earlier. Slowly, he readjusted the boy's position so now he was carrying him before his chest in a bridal-style. Allen did not pull any attempt to resist that time, which he took as a measure for the boy's exhaustion and pain. Gently he laid Allen's head on his shoulder as his two hands supporting the light weight of Allen's body.

"I've told you that I didn't want to see you still wounded when I came back," Kanda grunted.

"You only said that you did not want to see me still in the infirmary room when you got back," Allen countered.

Kanda did not have any retort to that. He chose to remain silent and quicken his pace. His mouth had become a very thin line when Allen brought his two palms to cover his mouth. He watched in concern when Allen retched again though that time, nothing came out from his mouth. It seemed that he had emptied his stomach during his session of vomiting in the bathroom earlier.

"We're almost there," he said to Allen who, he noticed, had had his face dropped into three shades paler than usual. "Still hurt?"

Allen did not reply, which made him even more anxious. He was relieved only when he saw the door leading into Komui's office just a few feet away from him. Without knocking first, he managed to kick the door open and surprise anyone who was currently behind the door.

"Komui, I need your help, and I mean now!" he said without any greeting first. His eyes swept the room and saw it was only occupied by Komui and Rinali at the time being. It seemed that they were having their morning coffee together. The said brother and sister could only stared at him with large eyes as he suddenly entered the room in such a harsh manner, but soon Komui regained his composure and gasped.

"My dear God… Kanda, what's wrong with Allen?" he shouted, noticing for the first time the boy Kanda carried in his arms.

"I don't know," Kanda said. He lowered Allen's body to the sofa and carefully deposited him there. The boy had fallen asleep somewhere during their trip, his hair was spilled over his face and Kanda could not resist his hand from removing some of the strands of hair from Allen's eyes. Suddenly realizing his action, he stopped his hand and continued his explanation. "I found him throwing up and collapsing on me earlier so I brought him here. I thought you might know what's wrong with him."

Komui sighed heavily. He approached Allen's side and examined his pulse. By reading from Komui's expression, Kanda knew that the result was not good.

"He's always like this, suddenly throwing up and losing consciousness, but we can't figure out what's the cause," Komui said, while tilting Allen's head so he was in better position to breathe. "Oh, well, maybe I'll examine his innocence; there might be something there, after all that's the only field we haven't checked yet. Kanda, if you don't mind, would you and Rinali wait outside? And, Rinali, I'm very sorry but it seems we have to continue our chat other time."

"It's fine, brother," Rinali smiled. But she too seemed very worried. "Allen will be fine, right?"

"He will," Komui answered. Feeling satisfied with her brother's answer, Rinali tugged on Kanda's sleeve, motioning the boy to follow her outside. But it looked as if Kanda did not notice this. His gaze was fixed to Allen's sleeping form and he seemed lost in his own thoughts. He finally snapped out from whatever thoughts he had when he felt Rinali calling him.

"What?" he asked, turning his head to the girl.

"I said, let's go out, we could do nothing by being here," Rinali repeated her words.

"Right…" Kanda said. He gave another look to Allen before he exited the room with Rinali. When they were outside, Rinali closed the door and just after the door clicked shut, Kanda voiced out his thoughts.

"Did Komui just say that… that sprout had always been like this?" he asked.

Rinali sighed and she turned her head to face Kanda.

"Yes… it started some days after he got back from his latest mission with you. That's why he has never appointed to do any mission ever since," Rinali explained. Hearing that, Kanda's brow furrowed.

"Is that because of his wounds he got that time?" he asked, remembering how bad Allen's wounds were.

"As far as I know, no. They have healed almost completely now," Rinali said. "I don't know much, though. I left the head quarters just two weeks after you and just came back a few days ago. I got the majority of what I've told you from my brother."

Kanda did not ask further. They fell into silence, but suddenly, Rinali spoke again.

"Kanda…" she said. "I'm sorry if this by any mean offends you but I just wanted to know…What happened during your mission with Allen? He looks… different after he got back from it…"

Kanda felt his chest tightened at the question. What really happened, he thought, he even did not know. What he knew was how he felt guilty about it, guilty toward Allen because he had done something unforgivable to him. No matter how he agonized over that matter now, things would never change.

"Nothing," he said. Yes, it was simply nothing, he thought bitterly. After all, Allen had said that he understood when he asked him to forget. He asked him, only him, since he felt like he would never able to forget.

"Nothing?" Rinali asked.

"Nothing," he stated again. He suddenly remembered about those reports he left in the bathroom earlier and was glad that he had a reason to leave the place. "I need to get my reports now, excuse me."

Kanda had only managed to walk five steps when he was stopped by the sound of Rinali calling him.

"Kanda," the girl said, making him stop in his track though he did not look back. "Do you really care for him?"

He let that question linger in his mind for some time. Did he really care for Allen, he thought. He knew he cared for him, but how much he did not know.

He nodded, thinking of the best way to give his answer. Finally he raised his face again and glanced back to Rinali. He settled on just saying, "Please inform me if anything happens to him."

He saw Rinali smiled and without her telling anything, he knew that she would gladly do the thing he just asked for. Indirectly he implied that he did care for the boy and he knew that Rinali caught that. He turned his head back and resumed his pace to retrieve his report. But even though his body was walking further and further away from Komui's office, part of his mind refused to leave there, along with a certain white-haired boy whose face seemed to always haunt him in each of his every step.

- end chapter 4 -

(A/N: This time we'd like to make a confession… actually, people who are collaborating in the making of this fic are not… all… girls… Yeah, that's right, some of our (guy) friends took their share in creating this fic… at least they indeed gave suggestions of how to write this fic. Tell you the truth, the idea of the first two chapters mostly came from them… ahahaha… so, well, thanks guyz… And the fourth chapter is here… this chapter is fun to write… why? Uh, it's because torturing Allen always feels great. Oh yes… (dreaming) oh well, we are still craving for some reviews. Mind giving us any? And also thanks to those who have read and reviewed or merely read without reviewing or reviewed without reading… wait… that can't be done, right... anyway, thanks! We love you all!)


	5. Revelation

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: oh come on, this is the fifth chapter already… get the first four to read the disclaimer… don't torture us by making us write them again!

Warning: major OOCness issued! And super sappy and over-romantic and… well… you can say it's a modified soap opera… duh… btw… forgot one thing, it's (gasp) MPreg! And beware! We are serious when we said OOC!

Chapter 5 - Revelation

Kanda had just finished his bath when someone knocked at his door. Quickly he put his coat on before he strode to the door with swift steps. He yanked the door open and was face to face with a finder he did not remember the name.

"I was asked to tell you that Komui-san is expecting you in his office as soon as you can manage to go there," the person said before he took his leave without waiting for Kanda's affirmative.

Kanda frowned at that. Why would Komui want to see him? But he remembered about his report that he had not yet given that to the said supervisor because he was aching for a hot bath. That had to be it; he thought as he took his report and motioned to leave his room. Komui wanted to have his report; that was the only thing he could come up with due to the other's need to meet him.

He walked down to Komui's office, the second time that morning. His mind unconsciously replayed the trip he had earlier with Allen in his hands and he could not help but feeling a bit worry. But as usual, he pushed the thought to the back of his mind, hoping that it would stay there for good.

Kanda hastened his steps as the door that lead to Komui's office was drawing near. It was a wonder that the door was still standing after it received his kick earlier that morning. He knocked at the door. When he got the confirmation from inside, he pushed the door open and entered the room.

The first thing he saw after he entered the room was Allen who sat straight on a chair before Komui's desk. He was confused at why would Allen be there, was he in any better condition now, and why did he avoid his gaze to meet Kanda so much?

"Sit down, please," Komui said to him. Kanda sat beside Allen and threw confused look at him, but it seemed the boy also had no idea why he was even there.

"Do you now why I called for you?" Komui asked, obviously his question was directed to Kanda, who frowned even more. He just tossed the report to Komui's desk and said.

"That's my report," he said. "Or is there anything else?"

"There is something else, and I believe it concerns both of you," Komui said, his tone was dead serious. Kanda did not remember many occasions in which Komui had his serious tone that matched with what he had that time. He knew that this was something unpleasant by just looking at it.

"Enlighten me," he said. He looked to his side, to Allen who kept his mouth silenced but he could see confusion on the other's face. "No… I mean, enlighten us…"

Komui took a deep breath, "It's about your last mission together…"

Kanda hold his breath when he heard Komui spoke about that certain mission. He gathered up facts. He was called, Allen was called, Komui had a poignant tone in his voice, and he looked at them in meaningful glare…

Was it possible that Komui knew?

"What… about it?" he heard Allen opened his mouth for the first time after he entered the room. His voice was shaky and he knew that the boy had the same way of thinking with him.

"It's about the innocence that you said had been taken by the enemy. I just found out that in fact, it is not," Komui said. "When we're talking, I assure you that the innocence is safe within Allen's body. I don't know how it could get there, but when I took Allen to Hebraska earlier to check if there's something wrong with his innocence, she said that there was another innocence within his body. Further examination proves it to be the exact innocence you two were trying to get in your latest mission."

Kanda felt Allen releasing his breath. He was also going to do the same, but he stopped at a certain fact he suddenly remembered.

"Komui," he said. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought one person should only posses at most one and only one innocence."

"True…" Komui said. He let his words came out in a slower pace, as if he measured each word with greatest consideration. "So, I said the innocence was within Allen's body, literally it's true. But… if you want more accurate information, it resides within a baby that is conceived within Allen's body."

Kanda felt his mouth opened but no word could escape. His throat suddenly felt dry and he saw Allen tensed beside him in a very much same condition like him. He could not believe it, just now, did Komui implied that Allen was…

"Allen Walker, you are pregnant," Komui said, voicing the thought both boys had in their mind.

"What?" Allen finally found his voice and shouted out in desperation. "It can't be… I'm…"

"I know it's hard to believe, given the fact that you are male and such. In my theories, I believe the innocence is the one responsible to enable your body to carry a child. It's only my theories, though; I cannot say that I understand the innocence. The innocence always has its own way of thinking. It can kill someone but heal someone else," Komui explained. "When the innocence was put inside you by whatever power it might be, it needed to have a host to contain its power. Your body has already had its own innocence so it was out of question, but…"

At this point, Komui directed his sharp glare to Kanda, who felt like a cold rain was pouring down into his head, before it turned back to Allen.

"But, it cannot explain on how you could get pregnant on the first place. The innocence only enables you to be impregnated for its own purpose, but to create a life, two people is needed. By the tests we ran, I found out that you are approximately seven weeks pregnant. When I traced back the calendar, can you guess what I found in seven weeks aforementioned from now?"

Allen was silent so Kanda decided to answer on his behalf.

"Our mission together."

"Correct," Komui said. "And now, do you mind sharing what you know about how come Allen got pregnant?"

Kanda was silent. He nodded and cursed softly. He glanced to Allen who in time being had his face in colour of red unknown before to human race. He knew that Komui noticed those facts and he realized that they were trapped without any way out now. He never thought that their passionate encounter would bring them this far. He bit his lips, now there was something else that made him feel really guilty toward Allen.

Oh God, he thought, what had they done…

It was a miracle if Allen would ever forgive him, Kanda knew that. His selfish act had brought them into this deep. His selfish act had hurt Allen this much. His selfish act had destroyed Allen so cruelly. His selfish act had pushed Allen to a point without any way to turn back.

He did not remember clearly what happened later after that. He heard Komui said something about bringing them to the Commander-in-Chiefs to decide what they should do next. He felt being ushered by Komui through many corridors but all seemed to happen within a dream. He eyed Allen who walked silently beside him during the trip. The boy had his lips closed tight but he missed not the light tremble he had on the corner of his lips. He missed not the sight of tears that gathered in Allen's eyes, or the sight of how he clenched his fists so hard.

He wanted to say something to the boy but he had nothing in his mind to say to him. How could he even have any thought about it? He had hurt Allen far worse than anything, he had no right now to just touch him for he was afraid he would just hurt him more. Allen was fragile, so very fragile until he felt that it only needed one touch of his to shatter the boy into innumerable pieces.

Kanda Yuu, for the first time in his life, felt that he was at a complete loss.

His mind was finally coming back to him when they entered a seemingly-empty dark room. His eyes quickly adjusted to the dark and he realized that there were five people staring down at them. He knew this place, as he knew those people. The Commander-in-Chiefs, though it was too far for him to actually see their expression, were glaring at them, but he felt that their glare was specially directed to him.

"Kanda Yuu and Allen Walker," the deep sound of their name reverberated in that spacious room. "Explain yourselves!"

Kanda did not answer that command shortly after, since he himself did not know what to explain. He had just been told some minutes ago that Allen was pregnant… with his child… and now they demanded him to explain himself? As much as he wanted to give some of his wit to those people, he just could not find any word. He just settled on giving his usual cold glare to those five people who stared back at him with impertinence. Their match in glaring at each other seemed to last forever but Komui finally felt the tension that had grown to be so thick in that room and decided to speak.

"Sir, if you let me, I would like to explain this incident to you as far as my knowledge allows me to," he said. The Commander-in-Chiefs averted their gaze to Komui now and Kanda gritted his teeth in annoyance. Those higher-ups always annoyed him with their act of superiority toward those below them which meant everyone.

"Well, then, please do speak," one of those Commanders said. "And we need a good explanation for this. How can you just suddenly inform us that one of our exorcists who, as far as we know, is a male is now with child?"

"Sir, I believe the innocence is the root of all this things," Komui began his explanation and soon Kanda heard again the whole things that Komui had told them earlier in his office. He was glad that Komui did not mention about his and Allen's sexual intercourse which was also the basic of why this thing could happen in the first place.

Somewhere during Komui's explanation, Kanda glanced through the corner of his eyes to Allen who stood beside him. By looking at him, Kanda knew that the news had affected Allen far greater than what it had done to him. Allen had not said any word ever since they left Komui's office. He still had the depressing aura over his face which was still as pale as what it had been in the morning. He saw him flinching visibly when at one moment those Commanders giving him sharp glare after hearing Komui's explanation. They only made Allen's condition worse, he thought, could they not see how sick the boy was?

Sick, Kanda thought, yes, now he knew what had caused Allen's sickness. His pregnancy must be the one held responsible for it. Or, indirectly, it was him that had made Allen sick.

Kanda cursed himself at the now obvious fact. His voice was heard to the ears of those around him and awarded him some fierce looks from those five people above him.

"Anything you want to share with us?" one of them said.

"No, Sir," Kanda said courteously though he would like to shout at them that this was not even their damn business to begin with.

Kanda could see that they were not really pleased with his answer and were still glaring at him suspiciously. He knew that his record was bad enough in their eyes and that incident would surely make it worse. He knew that they could not kill him, they still needed him, and he was not afraid of whatever punishment they would give to him. He just worried about Allen. The boy would not be able to stand it anymore.

"So, Kanda Yuu," one of those Commanders spoke again. "Do you mind telling us of what you two have done to cause such incident to happen? Because as far as we knew, pregnancy is a complex matter and it can only happen after a certain… condition…"

Kanda cursed inaudibly and Allen had his face blushed inwardly like what he did in Komui's office earlier after Komui hinted the very same question to them. For once he was glad that at least those Commander-in-Chiefs had what people called brain, though - he added with a scorn - most of the time dysfunctional, so they could sort the fact and knew the answer without them having to speak it out loud.

He heard them sigh. He felt their accusing frown at them. He saw them speaking in low voices among themselves but he cared none of those. He just wanted to…

What? He even did not know what to do. He wanted to scream, to release his frustration, to simply not give a thought about the world for some times. He wanted to turn back the time to prevent all of this from happening. It was not that he felt regret over that moment he shared together with Allen at that certain time. No, it was by as far one of the greatest memories he held in his mind. He felt so blessed to have such moments between them, but if it only caused Allen pain, should he glad about it?

When Kanda was lost in his own thoughts, the Commanders had finally stopped discussing. They inhaled deeply before returning their eyes to the subject of their current surveillance. Kanda felt the glare was back thus he raised his face with as much dignity as he could afford and stared back to them. Someone had to remain strong during this process and since he knew Allen's condition not facilitated him to do so, he would take the greatest burden on his shoulders, no matter what it would bring him to. At least he could do that to the boy after all the things he had done to cause his unhappiness. He would protect him with all his might, he pledged in his heart, he would protect him no matter what, no matter how.

He would not let them hurt Allen ever.

"After much consideration on this problem, we have finally come into a conclusion," one of the Commanders said. "There is only one thing we can do to finish this problem off… or at least to bring it into… safer ground…"

Hearing that, Kanda had his eyes widened. They couldn't be…

"You… cannot possibly want to kill the baby, right?" Allen finally opened his mouth, voicing out the very same thought Kanda had in his mind. His hands were absent-mindedly clutched around his body and he took a step backward. Fear was apparent on his face and he was trembling slightly. "No… please tell me that you won't…"

"Rest assured, we will do no such thing, killing is a great sin to begin with," said one of those people and inwardly, both Kanda and Allen released a breath of relief. "That child is an innocence-compatible. Rather than killing, we would like you to carry the child until the term. But we will take the child as soon as he or she is born since it's impossible for you as exorcists to raise a child in your condition. This is all God's will and we humans can do nothing against it. However…"

The man who spoke stopped for some times to gather everyone's attention to him before he continued.

"However, the child must be born under proper circumstance. We cannot concede the sin you two have committed but for the child's sake, we will let it pass," he said. "God have His own way of doing things and if this be His will, so shall be it. But you must realize what comes as consequences for that. A child that is born not under legal marriage will forever be considered as a sinner; therefore we have decided that the union between the two of you must be sanctified in a sacred matrimony as soon as possible."

At that statement, both Kanda and Allen shouted, "What!" in loud voices but the man acted as if he did not hear them and continued his rant.

"We give you two weeks to arrange everything and after it has passed, we hope to see you married in a suitable way before the cross and the country. Now, you are dismissed. May God be with you, and…" the man stopped and gave them a cynical smile. "May He forgive you for what you have done…"

Kanda felt them being ushered out of the room as soon as those words were spoken. His mind was still in a daze. He had prepared himself for anything and yet, they ordered them to marry? Just what joke were they trying to play? They could not just order them to marry like that was the easiest thing in the world.

In his confusion, he unconsciously stared at Allen who at that time also had his stare fixed to him. Their gaze met for some seconds before, as if in a cue, both turned their faces from each other. Neither spoke nor looked at each other, both of them walked in silence to their respective rooms, their minds were full of what happened that day and each of them tried his best to digest the information they had just received, though they both did not do a very good job at that.

Somewhere from that time, both Kanda and Allen would always remember that day as 'the day when all the things started'. And there would never be any phrase to illustrate that certain day better than that.

- end chapter 5 -

(A/N: (written in sleepy state) yosh… chapter five is (yawn) finished… now is (gaze at the clock) past midnight and tomorrow, there's a meeting at 8 o'clock in the morning… in a place that requires two and a half hours driving from home… yea… so, you can give your re... (fall to sleep with some background sounds of, "Dammit, you can't leave an author note just like that!") …view, yeah, please leave your review… to us, that is… now sleep… just have three hours… will post this chapter tomorrow… after the meeting that is… if it would ever end… damn… and about that… (yawn again)… stupid explanations on Allen's condition a.k.a. his pregnancy… let's just say that (darn, are those stars!) we are the authors and whatever the authors said is the super… no, we mean surpe… no… what is… (yawn) supreme, yeah, that's it… supreme… truth… yeah… so… review…?)


	6. I do

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: yadda yadda yadda. There.

Warning: shounen-ai, angst, OOC, MPreg

Chapter 6 – "I Do"

Based on something human culture had identified as logic, time should flow in a steady pace that forever neither slowed down nor quicken up. But for one Allen Walker, he felt that his time, practically saying his two weeks, passed by so quickly. He was just digesting the information that he was going to be married to Kanda, a man that didn't seem to love him. But right after he had finally accepted that and started to ponder on what to do, he was faced with the fact that he must be married on the following day.

The people in the headquarters did not make such a big fuss on the wedding day, but Allen felt many pity looks directed to him. Allen had heard that the wedding itself would only be attended by a few close friends that didn't have too many works at that time. Well, there was a person like Komui who was running from his mountainous workload, but he was not one to be considered. He was the best man for Kanda and Allen's wedding after all.

And speaking about wedding, Allen thought as he bit his lip, it was supposed to happen that day. People could see how nervous he was that day, especially Rinali who from the morning of that fated day had accompanied Allen much to his relief. She had tried to change Allen's mindset so he could think that it was the best for him and Kanda, even though he didn't really listen to her. He was somewhat still dazed about what was going to happen that day, but when Rinali put a veil on his head, he started to feel anxious. That anxiety grew by each passing minutes, and when Crowley called him, he trembled.

Rinali hold his hand, kneeled in front of Allen and said, "Let's go, Allen…"

Allen inhaled and exhaled deep breaths to calm himself as he rose from his seat. He closed his eyes for a second and then followed Rinali to go to the chapel where the wedding took place.

Crowley, as the one who would give him away, put Allen's hand in his elbow and he smiled at him. Allen didn't have the heart not to return that gesture so he smiled back weakly at Crowley. They both walked into the chapel and Allen eyed his surrounding.

Allen had never dreamt that he would be wed in such a cold and odd state. In his dream, his wedding was attended by many people, but he only saw few attended now. In his dream, his wedding was based on a sap love relationship (he blamed Master Cross for this thought because he had poisoned Allen with too many love stories), but his wedding was based on an accident. In his dream, he was wearing a neat tuxedo in his wedding, but he was wearing his organization's uniform—just like his wi…husband—and a veil. In his dream, he was wed with a pretty looking female, but he was wed with a pretty looking male at that time.

He looked forward now, seeing his future husband. He was only a few feet away from Kanda and he couldn't help but feel his anxiety building up. Crowley seemed to feel his tensing, because he patted Allen's hand as a reassuring gesture.

Crowley let him go when they were in front of the altar. The priest started to say his ritual wedding words after Allen stepped beside Kanda. Allen paid no attention to the priest for he was too busy trying to make himself calm and composed. Just how Kanda looked so calm and composed in their wedding was a mystery to him. And how could he hold himself back from running was even a greater mystery than that.

When they both were instructed to face each other though, Allen could see numerous emotions he thought could not be possible for a person such as Kanda to have. He did look calm and composed, but in his eyes, Allen could see confusion and also regret. It made his chest feel tighten, so he decided not to gaze further into Kanda's eyes. He focused on Kanda's right ear instead. It just wouldn't be polite if he gazed downward or even upward even if he really wanted to gaze at either of that direction instead of Kanda's right ear, anyway.

The priest continued his words and Allen found himself tuning it out again. Because of that, he almost jumped in surprise when he heard Kanda's tenor voice said, "I do."

He forced himself not to blush after he had heard that voice he had grown to love. Instead, he focused on his strength to say, "I do," just when the priest asked him.

After another session of ritual words from the priest, River came forth and he held forward a velvet cushion with a pair of platinum rings. Kanda took one and placed it on Allen's ring finger. When it was finally settled on Allen's ring finger, Allen felt a pang of happiness mixed with bitterness rose in his heart. The ring felt cold on his finger and he was feeling strange that there was an additional weight on his finger.

He then licked his lips and took a deep breath to calm himself. He took the other ring and placed it on Kanda's ring finger, while trembling. He sighed in relief inwardly when it was finally done.

They were both then asked to kiss each other. Allen gulped and he brought his face forward as Kanda descended. They shared a kiss; a wedding kiss that was no match with their first kiss. Their wedding kiss was just a simple brush of lips. They both opened their eyes in the process and quickly retreat when their lips met. Allen even thought that it should not be considered as a kiss at all.

The wedding ended just as uneventful as it had started. The priest said another long session of words concerning advice on married people and so on. After that being said, people rose from their seat to go to their respective post in the head quarters. That's all. No throwing bouquet of flowers, and not even a banquet.

Allen removed the veil from his head and he handed it to Rinali who was waiting for him. He then went out from the church with Kanda beside him while Rinali ran to her brother after saying good bye and good luck to him.

They both walked in silent until they reached Allen's room. Kanda broke the silence by saying, "Rest."

Allen was too tired to think about anything, so he obeyed Kanda's word. He flopped to his bed after he had opened the door to his room, while Kanda did not move an inch from his place in front of Allen's door. Kanda just stared at him. When he could not stand Kanda staring at him anymore, Allen sighed loudly and put an arm over his closed eyes. "What is it?" he said.

Kanda did not answer his question quickly. He just said, "Nothing," after a few moments and then he was gone.

Allen felt Kanda left and he muttered under his breath, "Some husband he is."

Allen sighed afterward. No matter what, he still had to accept that Kanda Yuu was indeed his husband now and nothing might change that except for death itself. Knowing that he could do nothing more and feeling so tired beyond measure, he then willed himself to sleep. He entrusted himself to the realm of dream, so he could just forget on what happened that day. But even in his dream he still could not get away from a certain man whom he had been officially wedded with. He just could not shove Kanda's face out of his mind, whether it was under his awareness or not, and it made him so depressed that he felt like crying.

It was pathetic, he thought bitterly as tears descended down his cheeks. He was indeed so pathetic.

The next day, and the day after that Allen found himself falling to a routine he never thought would be happening in his life. At the morning, even though it was still on the crack of dawn, Kanda always accompanied him in facing his morning sickness. As how he could know when Allen was going to meet his morning sickness, it was still a mystery to Allen. And not long after, he grew accustomed with Kanda's constant presence on the corner of his eyes, watching him silently whenever he was being sick and ready to catch him whenever he fell.

Allen noticed that Kanda never touched him unless he dropped on the floor after his good session of being sick. When he did, Kanda would then carry him gently yet swiftly in the same manner with what he did when he first found Allen vomiting in the abandoned bathroom a few weeks back. And just like that first time, Allen would always struggle fiercely when Kanda carried him, even though it was useless. He hated Kanda's way to carry him because he felt like he was a fragile princess, and it made him feel that he was weak. He did not like the word 'weak' associated to him, even though it might be justified under his condition.

His routine afterwards was to bathe as the sun had risen quite high, and after he finished bathing he would be greeted with Kanda waiting for him with breakfast. He gaped for a while on the first day of this routine, but he regained his composure quickly. He sat in front of his meals, which was still many with various kinds, courtesy of Jerry the chef. And just like lunch or dinner, after he started eating, Kanda began not long after.

And there was addition to his meals now in the shape of some colorful pills that Komui claimed as his invention to help sustaining Allen's condition during his pregnancy. Allen always hated medication but Kanda would always make sure that he ate well and also drank the strange pills that Komui gave him. Kanda would always remind him that he was carrying their child, the innocent-bearing child, if he lost his will to eat or to drink those strange pills. After making sure Allen did what he asked to, he would leave him while bringing their trays. And Allen after that found himself without anything else to do for the rest of the day.

Beside the new routine, there were some changes on Allen's cursed eye. It did not lust for Akuma's soul like usual, so Allen had his share of peace with his eye. His innocence was also more compatible with him when Hebraska checked it. It seemed that his innocence tried to cooperate with him if there were any attacks toward his child, though Allen doubted there would be any attacks from the Akuma that could reach the headquarters. But unlike his eye and innocence, there was no change on Allen and Kanda's relationship. They were still avoiding each other's gaze. They would only speak if it was really necessary and they tried to make it as short as possible.

Allen tried to think about Kanda's reason to take care of him. Did Kanda really care for him? Or was it just because his obligation and pride that made him care for Allen? Was his care genuine? Would he still be doing this for a long time or was it just a post-marriage syndrome (even though Allen didn't know if the syndrome existed or not)? Allen's thoughts were darkened with each of his unanswered question.

And after thinking about that, he could not help but to reflect on what was happening after his last mission. That reflection made him replayed the passionate night he shared with Kanda. He could never forget that stormy night, even though he said that he understood Kanda's request for him to just forget about it. He found himself missing and wanting Kanda even more than before. And somewhat ironically, he loathed Kanda even more because he knew that Kanda would neither miss him nor want him the same way he felt about the other.

He had had some kind of hope in his heart that Kanda would love him someday. That hope rose when he saw Kanda was taking care of him everyday. He knew that Kanda might be taking care of him because of the order from Komui, but it might also be a part of his genuine care from him. He hoped that during time, Kanda would grow to love him, even if it's the slightest bit. Allen could only hope for that dream to come true.

But that hope was crushed when he overheard Kanda's conversation with Komui.

"Okay then, I would arrange a mission for you," he heard Komui says. "But are you sure you wanted to leave Allen alone?"

"Hn," Kanda said as an affirmative, "I'm asking a mission from you because I don't want to see him for a while, anyway…"

He only heard it partially and he walked away after he heard that last statement from Kanda, but for Allen it was almost as clear as day that Kanda hated him. He asked a mission from Komui because he wanted to get away from Allen's annoying presence. That must be it. Why should he hope for a man that could not love him? So he began to stop hoping for Kanda's love.

After that event, his dinner with Kanda felt terrible. They both ate with perfect silent apart from some sounds that their table wares made when they eat. Kanda ruined that perfect silence after Allen drank his pills.

"I am going for a mission tomorrow," Kanda said.

"Hn," was all Allen said while he busied himself playing with Timcanpi.

"I have asked Komui to appoint some free finders so you could be taken care of."

"You don't need to."

Kanda did not make a comment for that and he took their trays instead. He left after saying, "Take good care of our child and… also yourself when I'm gone."

When Kanda's footsteps died in his ears, Allen found himself tried so hard to not cry again because of Kanda. He hated Kanda because he made him want to cry. He hated Kanda because he made him hope. He hated Kanda because he made him love. And unreciprocated love could only cause sadness, unattainable hope could only cause despair, and unshed tears could only make them worse.

Allen did not want sadness, he did not want despair, and he knew that he could have them away by simply stop hoping, by simply stop loving. Therefore the next day, Allen did not see Kanda leaving for the next mission. Rinali had called him to do so, but he refused Rinali's pleading request. He just could not force himself to see Kanda's face after he knew he should not hope for him. He knew if he saw Kanda, his resolution to forget about him would break. And he did not know if he could bring himself to try to forget about him ever again.

Rinali was angry at him for days because of that but he could not care less. He felt his feelings had become somewhat numb.

He ate less and less in each passing day, even though he never stopped eating. His morning sickness felt worse each day. As much as he wanted to deny it, Allen knew that it was because there was no Kanda there to support him like what it had used to be before Kanda went to his mission. Allen snorted when he thought about it. Kanda knew perfectly how to make him suffer; that is, by giving him something but taking it again harshly after he started to felt comfortable with it.

His look had to be so miserable, because the finders he never even knew existed in the headquarters started to take care of him, asking what he needed from time to time. He always tried to smile, and saying that he did not need anything. Beside, how could they provide the thing that he needed if it was Kanda's love for him, the love of someone that Allen tried so hard to forget with no avail?

Instead of making him happier, all those finders did was making him more miserable. They always sent him pitiful looks, which Allen found annoying. He did not need pity from them. He needed them to be as neutral as possible as an outsider and aid him if he really needed help. His pride was wounded if they looked at him as if he was someone who was so weak and fragile that could break at any time. He never could say what was on his mind to the finders, so he just locked it in his heart and it added up his burdens. And so, he looked even more miserable on each passing day.

Rinali noticed it, and she gathered up her courage to talk to Allen. And finally, after being able to do so, she visited Allen in his room. She knocked at his door and she heard Allen asked, "Who is it?"

"It's me, Rinali," she answered.

Allen did not answer her immediately, as if thinking whether he should let her in or not. He said, "Come in," not long after and Rinali entered Allen's room.

She saw Allen was looking outside the window. Rinali did not sure about what she should say or do first, so she settled herself to ask, "How are you doing, Allen?"

"What do you see?" Allen said. He still not shifted his gaze from the window outside to Rinali.

Rinali bit her lip and she could not contain her worry much longer. "Allen, what's wrong with you and Kanda?" she blurted out the question that was plaguing her since she found out that Allen was terribly sick.

"Well, some this and that…"

"Allen Walker! Stop your self-miserable and please share your burden to me! I've told you that you should not carry your burdens alone… Please tell me something!"

Allen sighed. "I just can't get away this time, can't I?"

"Allen…"

Allen finally looked at Rinali and he said, "I…" he sighed again. "I am so pathetic."

Rinali frowned upon hearing Allen's words. Allen gestured her to sit down, and after she did so, Allen started to talk again. "Rinali, I am in love with someone who does not love me back…"

"Did you mean that Kanda did not love you?"

"Yes."

"What made you thought so?"

"He was so cold to me after our, well… you know what, and after that he asked me to forget that incident before he went out for his next mission after our mission together."

"He did?"

"Yes…" Allen sighed again. "And I just knew that he hated me… I overheard him talking to Komui that he didn't want to see me for a while. That was why he asked Komui for a mission."

"Well…" Rinali said, she thought for a while what she should say to Allen, hence a pause. She gathered the facts that Allen told him and then she said after a while, "I don't know if I should be the one who talks about this… but I think that he did not hate you. I think that he cares about you."

"He did show some care to me, but is it because of me or is it because of his obligation to take care of our baby?"

"I asked Kanda directly before you both know that you're pregnant."

Allen's eyes widened upon hearing that piece of information. "Don't lie to me, Rinali…" he said.

"And why would I lie to you, Allen? I'd rather punch Kanda hard than lie about that to you."

"But why did he… why was he…" Allen could not find a word to express his mixed thoughts. He rubbed his forehead in frustration.

"There must be some reason why Kanda said to my brother he needed to get away from you for a while. Did you listen to them until they're finished?" Rinali asked him.

Allen pondered at his question for a while and then he said, "No…"

"You must be missing something, Allen. My brother would not let Kanda to walk away while you're like this if possible."

Allen wanted to talk back to Rinali, saying that she was wrong, but he couldn't find words to counter her words. Rinali had brought back hope to him in full force.

"You make me really confused now, Rinali…" Allen said.

"If you don't want to be confused, why don't you ask Kanda yourself on how he really feel about you?"

"No," Allen firmly said. "I know it's cheesy, but I don't think I could live it down if I was turned down by him."

"But you will miss your chance of happiness if you don't try…"

Allen put his hands on his face, trying to control the hopes and dreams that started to build again within his heart. He just knew if he failed, it would be really the end of him. He would fall really hard this time if he did what Rinali had suggested to do and was turned down. Not knowing what to do, for he was sure that Rinali would raise his hopes more if he tried to resist, Allen finally said to Rinali, "I need a walk to think about it all over again."

"Should I accompany you?" Rinali asked.

"Thank you, but I need to think this alone."

"I see…" Rinali said. "It's your life anyway, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was rude to tell you on what to do and suddenly stick my nose at your business."

"It's okay… I know that you were just trying to help. But really, Rinali, you made my world spinning uncertainly right now."

"Someone should tell you that you really should think it over again…"

"Don't be disappointed if the result wasn't like on what you had hoped."

Rinali smiled. "Somehow I'm sure that it would."

Allen rolled his eyes. "I'm going then," he said.

Rinali just nodded and under her watchful gaze Allen went away though Allen himself was not sure where should he go to. When he came out from his room, he just let his feet bring him to whatever place as long as it was not crowded with people. He could not think if there were other people there, especially if they were looking at him with their pitiful looks. But he did not think that his feet would bring him to the chapel, where he was married with a certain beautiful male some weeks prior. His heart felt the warmth tinged with bitterness when he remembered their marriage.

He seated himself on one of the long benches inside the chapel and started to think. Did he really miss something about how Kanda acted toward him? Was it really just like Rinali said, that Kanda was actually care about him? Could he hope for Kanda? And if he could, what could he do to know what was Kanda's exact feelings for him? What should he do if he turned out not thinking of him as nothing more than a friend? Would he hate him if he told him about his feelings? Should their child born without the love between the two of them?

It all was so confusing. Kanda Yuu had really made a good work to make his world all revolving around him now. Allen did not find the answers of his questions while he thought hard in the chapel. Sighing in exasperation, he decided he could do no better thing by just sitting there. He still did not know of what he should do, what he should tell to Kanda if they ever met again, but no matter how hard he forced his mind to work, he still could not get the answers for his confusion. In the end, he felt all of his confusion consuming him, making him see the world spurring before his eyes.

He rose from his bench, trying to walk but came to no avail. A wave of dizziness and nausea hit him and he found himself swaying. He was well aware that the priest was nowhere to be seen in the chapel when he arrived, so there would be no one that would help him right away if he passed out. He muttered, "Not now…" as pain started throbbing in his head. He tried to make himself stand still by clutching a nearby bench, but even his grip felt weak. His vision blurred and he soon willed himself to fall to the ground, devoured by the welcoming darkness.

Strange as it was, that moment Allen could only think of how Kanda was always there to catch him whenever he fell. Always, yet that time, he was not.

-end chapter 6-

(A/N: this chapter is confusing the author, so if you get confused in reading it, don't worry, you're not the only one. The strangest thing is, we don't even know what makes us so confused about this chapter. We just read it together after it's finished then one of us got 'I'm kinda confused' and we all then felt the same. Gah! It's really confusing… but anyway, let's not talk about confusion and instead, let's talk about REVIEWS! Yeah, thank you for your kind reviews for this story. They help us a lot, so THANK YOU! Guess what, we're thinking of giving you a treat. Yay! So, please do review… anything is fine. And to all of you our most beloved anonymous reviewers, could you put your email address in your review so that we can thank you all properly and personally and.. err… deliver our treat… that is… ahahaha… why the hell do we laugh anyway? Gah… tell you what, this is all so damn CONFUSING! So, we better end this now. Thank you for reading, hope you have a great time, and don't forget to review…)


	7. Bringing Together

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: so not ours… damn!

Warning: it's yaoi, it's sappy, it's OOC, but you'll love to read it… we know you will…

Chapter 7 - Bringing Together

The soft nudge on his forearm stopped Kanda from whatever thought he had in his mind that time. He stared coolly at the one who had given him that touch and for a moment he thought of seeing a flash of grey eyes and white hair before it dissipated into a face of a finder who was appointed to support him in his mission.

"We have reached the headquarters, Sire," the finder said, much to Kanda's surprise. He did not even realize that they had arrived. His mind had recently been taken by his more urgent matters, which involved someone named Allen Walker… No, he should not be named Allen Walker again now, not after he had taken the boy to be his faithful spouse for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for the rest of their life.

Well, at least that was what the priest told them in their wedding ceremony.

Kanda released a breath and straightened up. His mission had ended sooner than he had previously expected, not that he minded about that. From the very first, he only wanted this mission as a reason to be away just for a while from Allen, for the boy's sake… for their sake, if there had ever been any 'their' on the first place.

It was then, just after he stepped inside the main hallway of the headquarters, that he spotted Rinali walking toward him. He frowned in the sight of the said girl for - truth was told - she surely emitted a homicidal aura while she was walking toward him. He knew by looking at it that Rinali was terribly upset, and it was not good. The word 'Rinali' and 'upset' never resulted well when they came up together in a sentence.

"Kanda Yuu," she began after having stopped a few feet away from him. "Excuse me for what I'm going to say, but what do you think you're doing? Why did you suddenly ask for a mission and leave Allen like that?"

Kanda more or less was confused as to why the girl suddenly brought Allen as the first thing to start their conversation. It was odd enough that Rinali actually welcomed him with her fierce glare and sharp tone and a look that said she would surely make him suffer if he did not answer right.

"I just needed to think," he said.

"Right!" Rinali rolled her eyes. She did not even ask what Kanda was thinking about for she was sure what made Kanda have to clear his mind. "You're worrying yourself over him and he's worrying himself over you. You two really need to clear things up between you two. Even I can see that!"

He frowned at the mention of Allen worrying over him. He never thought that Allen would be doing such things. Seeing that Allen was not there, he couldn't help himself from asking, "Where's that sprout anyway?"

"He said that he needed some time along to think," Rinali said before gave him a sharper glare than before if that was even possible. "But you, young man, I will see you searching for him and explain yourself to him before his condition becomes worse than what it is now. Do I make myself clear?"

Kanda was stunned. Dealing with an angry Rinali was not his everyday menu thus he was not ready when being faced with such situation. But seeing the glint in the girl's eyes, he managed to say, "Very clear."

Hearing that, Rinali beamed a smile and departed after saying her usual greeting to him. The drastic change took him aback a bit; it actually could do greater effect if his mind was not more occupied with what Rinali had just said about Allen's condition.

"Before his condition becomes worse than what it is now…" he whispered. Somehow those words plagued him with their hidden meaning that Allen's condition was bad enough at the time being.

He cursed and quickly started walking down the hallway. His report could wait. For now he only wanted to check on Allen. That boy was miserable enough when he left him and he knew he was the cause of his unhappiness. He knew he was the cause of the other's uneasiness. He knew that his presence was the one that caused Allen to be hurt so much and he did not know what he should do to make it better. He figured the boy needed his time alone, as much as he too needed it. He needed to cope up with his guilt; he needed to know how his feeling toward Allen really was, he needed to think, to clear up his mind concerning things that came so sudden into his life.

Maybe his mind was too engaged in thinking over matters. Maybe his mind was too busy sorting out conclusions. Maybe his mind was too concerned in a certain boy he felt so dear, so that Kanda did not put any attention on where his feet brought him to. He finally stopped dead on his track when he realized that instead of taking him to Allen's room, his feet had brought him to the small chapel in which Allen had been wedded to him just a few weeks prior. He stared at the open grand doors and vaguely wondered why he was standing there before his eyes swept through the insides of the beautifully carved room.

There were many things that he expected to see but a figure lying cold on the floor was surely not among them. The flash of spilling white hair gave out the person's identity and Kanda found himself running faster than ever to the person's side. He quickly took him into his arms and when he turned the limp body in his arms, his eyes met the sight of Allen's pale face. The boy had his eyes closed and his breath was raging. Kanda in concern touched the boy's forehead and his worry deepened when he felt heat radiating from there.

Allen was sick. He was pale, he was thin, he had a fever, and what else Kanda did not know. Kanda cursed as he felt how Allen shivering in his arms. He tightened his hold around the other's body and carefully lifted him. With ease he managed to carry Allen down the hall, recalling so many times before he had done that thing. He carried him until they reached Allen's bedroom, ignoring looks from the insignificant people in the headquarters, and he gently laid Allen on his bed. Without any intention to leave him alone in that kind of condition, Kanda brought a chair to the side of Allen's bed and sat there. His hand reached forward to play with Allen's soft hair with a sad yet gentle expression plastered on his face.

"Don't you know how much worry you've caused on me, you stupid sprout?" he whispered slowly though he knew Allen would not able to hear him. The boy was still sleeping. His fever had not gone and Kanda having realized that went to the bathroom only to be back again some moment later with a basin filled with cold water and a piece of rag. He dipped the rag to the water, gently squeezed it, and then placed it on Allen's forehead, hoping that it would bring down his fever.

His heart was hurting whenever he saw Allen in that kind of condition. Allen that he knew was someone who was so strong and brave, and to have Allen helpless in his arms was something that even Kanda Yuu felt so heartbreaking. And that was really something considering the fact that there was only a few number of things he allowed to reach his heart, not to mention to break it.

He reached forward to fix the blanket upon the sleeping boy. He leaned over and without knowing why, he suddenly found his lips brushing ever so gently over Allen's lips. It seemed so natural to do such thing, and just after their lips had parted that he finally realized what he had done.

He had just kissed Allen.

Kanda pulled his face away from Allen as if he was afraid of being burnt. Silently he cursed his racing heartbeats to slow down their pace as Allen stirred in his sleep. When the boy finally opened his eyes fully, Kanda had entirely regained his composure and stared at him in the most dignified manner he could pull out at that time.

"Where…" he heard Allen trying to speak with his weak voice.

"You're in your room," Kanda said. His voice made Allen turn his head to his direction but as soon as their eyes met, Allen quickly averted his gaze. Seeing that, Kanda felt a wave of bitterness rising from the depth of his heart. Did Allen hate his presence that much that he couldn't bear to see him?

"I saw you lying unconscious on the chapel floor so I brought you here," Kanda explained. As he spoke, he saw Allen attempting to get up. Out of habit, he extended his hands and helped the boy to sit on his bed after removing the now-warm rag from his forehead.

"Thank you…" Allen mumbled weakly.

"My pleasure," Kanda courteously replied. He checked Allen's temperature with the back of his palm and was relieved when he noticed the fever was gone. At first he thought it to be worsened after seeing the redness of Allen's cheeks. Involuntarily he ran his palm over Allen's flushed cheeks and the redness there grew deeper. It made him become somehow more endearing than usual.

Becoming conscious of his act, Kanda stopped and drew back his palm from Allen's pale face. Pale face, Kanda thought, since when Allen was that pale?

"What happened?" Kanda asked. Allen flinched uncomfortably in his bed but made no attempt to actually answer his question. Therefore he decided to prod his question further.

"Rinali was literally fuming on me when I just set my feet on the headquarters. She told me to clear things up between us," Kanda said. "And after that I found you unconscious and really sick. I know there is something, so what happened?"

Allen opened his mouth. His eyes made contact with Kanda's and for once he didn't break the contact by looking away. Kanda noticed that he seemed to be so lost and confused.

"Tell me," Kanda said as gentle as he could which meant he did not shout them out loud.

Allen gulped, and when he opened his mouth, only one word came out.

"Nothing…"

Kanda had to hold onto every bit of self-control he had in him to prevent him from going rampant and just forcing the answer out of Allen's lips. Instead of doing those, he chose to calm his breath down and repeat his question.

"If there's really nothing, you wouldn't pass out in the chapel and Rinali wouldn't look like she was going to murder me. Now tell me, bean sprout, what happened?"

Allen seemed once again stuttered for words, a sight that both amused him and annoyed him at that time being.

"I… it's…" Allen said and Kanda waited patiently. His hope rose only to be dropped down again when Allen said his magic word, "Nothing…"

Kanda felt his face twitched. His patience was growing thin. He was tired, he had not slept for three days straight, he was just back from his mission to find his spouse terribly sick and all he wanted was some words of explanation yet he only got as far as 'nothing'.

Standing from his chair, Kanda approached Allen's bed. He sat himself down beside Allen and turned his face toward the other. He pulled Allen's shoulders closer to him so that their faces were only inches apart. He was just about to beseech him further but stopped at a certain sight that met his eyes.

Allen was blushing.

Kanda swore by whatever deity up there that Allen was indeed blushing. His cheeks were tainted with the most enchanting shade of red. The boy before him had his face look downward but he missed not the slight tremble he possessed on the corner of his lips. In his eyes, Allen looked like a nervous maiden in the sight of her loved one.

The thought hit Kanda faster than a train. He could not believe it at first. Was it possible that Allen… really…

He raised one of his hands and tilted Allen's face upwards. The boy's blush was intensified as Kanda swept his gaze across Allen's fair façade. There was no doubt then. Allen was indeed blushing and it was because of… him…?

"Are you in love with me?"

Kanda was so shocked that those words could come out from his lips. He even didn't realize that he was about to utter that very question and just after the words had flew gracefully from his lips did he find himself thinking of what he had done.

He eyed Allen who had his eyes widened and his mouth slightly parted in disbelief. Fear was apparent on Allen's face and he tried to release himself from Kanda's gaze. But Kanda let no such thing to happen. He held Allen's face firmly yet tenderly on its respective place.

"Tell me, Allen," he said. His use of Allen's Christian name gave shock to the both of them. "Are you in love with me?"

"You want me to tell you? Fine!" suddenly Allen said, or more likely he nearly shouted at him as he somehow succeeded in releasing himself from Kanda's hold. "I am in love with you! Yes, that's true. I love you, Kanda Yuu. I've been in love with you for so long. I can say that I'm madly in love with you even though I know that you don't love me back. I loved you then, I love you now, and in general, yes, I am in love with you. So what?"

Kanda thought about that for a moment. The information was overwhelming and in his amazement he could only say, "I have a feeling you are…"

That statement awarded him a hard slap across his face. Allen hit his cheek hard and he could only stare in bewilderment at the said boy who was now stiffening a cry. He could see that Allen tried so hard not to cry yet there were still trails of tears visible on his face.

"Just what's that supposed to mean?" Allen shouted. "You have a feeling that I love you? And for this long you're laughing behind me aren't you? You know how pathetic I am. You know perfectly how I've fallen for you and you…"

Kanda stopped him in the middle of his rant by pulling him into his embrace. He secured his arms around Allen's body which shook violently because of his sobs. He ran his one hand on Allen's back meanwhile the other was gently holding Allen's head close to his chest.

"Just… what is this… supposed to mean…?" he heard Allen says between his sobs.

"Let's just say that the feeling is mutual," he whispered.

"Then why…?" Allen raised his teary face and stared at Kanda in perplexity. "Why did you ask me to forget? Why did you never say anything to me? Why did you leave me? Why did you never show that you love me? Why…"

Kanda saw that every inch of Allen screaming for an explanation. He blinked his eyes; carefully picking his word for he knew just one mistake could ruin everything. He just needed one slip of his tongue to ruin him and Allen and whatever thing existed between them.

"I felt regret," he said.

Allen lowered his head down, "Regret of loving me?"

"No," he raised Allen's face upward to meet his eyes again. "Regret of having done these many mistakes to you. Regret of forcing you into a point without any turning back. Regret of taking something very precious from you."

"Something… precious…?" Allen said.

"Your freedom, your dignity, your pride," Kanda explained. "Your innocence."

He saw Allen bit his lower lip and then the said boy chuckled a little. "You did not take my innocence; you gave life to one inside me."

Kanda snorted, "It's relieving to see that there's still one of us who can see the amusing part of this."

"Somebody has to," Allen said. There was a long pause after he said that and before he continued by saying, "Are you saying that you were avoiding me because you felt guilty toward me or is there any other reason?"

"I needed to clear my mind, to reflect on what is my true feeling for you," Kanda said. "That, and also because I thought you hated me."

"And why did you think about something like that?" Allen said.

"You were avoiding me," Kanda stated as-a-matter-of-factly.

They both fell into silence after that statement. Allen had dropped his head and laid his cheek against Kanda's chest now. Kanda almost thought the boy had fallen asleep when he heard him speak.

"I thought you hated me," Allen said. "It hurts, you know, to love somebody that you thought didn't love you back. I mean…" he sighed. "I think I was just being stupid… we were just… too confused..."

"You can tell that," Kanda said.

"Kanda, I…"

"Calling yourself?" Kanda cut him. He felt Allen stilled then his soft laugh permeated the air.

"Yes, I forgot that I'm also a Kanda now," he said. Gently he exerted himself so he was now within an arm length from Kanda and stared deeply into his eyes.

"Yuu," he said. The sound of his given name coming from Allen's lips was strange to his ears yet he loved it instantly. "I need to ask this to you… Is this merely based on your pity toward me? Because if it is, then you better stop right now because I want no pity from you."

Upon hearing that, Kanda brought their face closer and without admonition he kissed Allen fully on his lips. The boy was flabbergasted after he finished kissing him but he forced him to stare into his eyes so that he knew how genuine his words were.

"Does that feel like pity for you?' he asked.

"Well… no…" Allen mumbled with his face once again had rivalled the redness of a peach.

"I assure you, whatever thing that based my feelings for you, it's not merely pity," Kanda said again.

He saw how those words of his could finally make a real smile apparent on Allen's face. For once he felt like he was seeing the old Allen who was always full of life. For once, he was proud of himself for finally able to bring that smile to his face again. For once he thought that all those times of confusion and fear was finally settled up. For once he dared his fingers to touch Allen's lips, silently hoping that they would never show sorrow again. Let them only express joyful smile forever, he thought. He had caused Allen so many discontents, so many grieves, so many sorrows that he couldn't have the boy experience again.

His hand moved and settled on Allen's abdomen, the most unadulterated proof of what had happened between them. His fingers soothingly pressed to the flesh and he let those strong emotions of satisfaction and love rule over him for a moment.

"We will face this together," Kanda said. "And I still won't approve if you try any mean to give up halfway."

Allen smiled and placed his own palm over Kanda's, "The same goes for you."

They remained like that for some times before Kanda finally stood up. He gave Allen one last reassuring look as he said, "Rest now, you still need it."

"Where are you going?" Allen asked with a slight of panic in his voice.

"I just want to give my report on the mission," Kanda said, but sensing the other's uneasiness, he allowed himself to actually sit back and stared at him. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, I… I mean… I just…" Allen tried to speak. "I want you to be here with me while I'm sleeping."

Kanda pondered that idea for a while. As lovely as it sounded, he knew that he might not stand it, given with it a certain fact.

"I can't promise you anything," he said in his serious tone. "If I stay here, I might do something to you, something that I could not control. I don't want to cause you any discomfort so just tell me now and I'll silently leave."

Allen smiled to him, "I know that yet I still want you to stay."

He stared at the smiling boy in front of him. The meaning behind those words was understood as clear as the daylight to both of them. It was not long before they both found themselves kissing yet again with more heated passion than before. It was not long before they found themselves tangled amid the bed sheets. It was not long before they felt the restriction of their clothes became something unbearable to them.

And all of those made Kanda involuntarily replay their liaison a few months back before that time. It felt so alike, yet so different. It was so alike in the way their lips searching for each other and how their hands reaching for one another. Yet it was also so different because now he had Allen who was smiling in content under him, whispering softly the words that he never thought before he would ever hear from the boy.

"Love me."

- end chapter 7 -

(A/N: okay, this is when we all go 'Aawwwww….' Come on, we KNOW you want to. Say it together: 'Aawwwww…!' that's it… they're finally together. But don't expect no problem ahead. It's just not fun to have two pretty boys loving each other without problem, right (laugh). So, whatever you think about this chap, please let us know by your reviews. This is the indirect way of saying 'We want your reviews!' in case you don't notice (laugh). And thank you for all your support until now. Though recently nature is not so kind to us… we experienced so many earthquakes in these past few weeks (cry) and storms, and sickness, and floods… it almost seems like we're banned from writing! Ah, well, maybe it's better to stop this rambling author's note. So, we love you all, hope you like this chapter, and we are expecting your reviews as always (smile) see you next chapter!)


	8. Lucina Maya Kanda

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: the day we finally own D.Gray-Man is the day when we can rule over the world. Meaning, it's neither today nor any other day possible

Warning: it's yaoi, it's sappy, it's OOC, but you'll love to read it… we know you will…

Chapter 8 - Lucina Maya Kanda

Kanda Yuu was not really a morning person so it was only fair if he said that he was used to hate his morning routines. But the statement became less and less valid as now he found himself really enjoying his mornings. There was only one simple reason that had made him change his opinion about his morning routines and that very reason was the one standing beside him that time as they walked slowly across the main hallway of the headquarters.

Allen smiled beside him. His face was serene and peaceful as he walked with most graceful act Kanda had ever seen coming from a man. They often had this kind of walk after they finished breakfast. They never did anything, though, just walking and chatting slowly among themselves. It was at time like that that both of them could finally find peace and privacy.

And that morning was just like every other of their morning. They would run this routine of wandering aimlessly after breakfast, a routine that they had done since over a month ago after they finally came into a conclusion of what their feelings toward each other really were. They were content now that all the confusion between them had been cleared up and in his relief Kanda saw how Allen seemed to laugh a lot recently. The boy had finally come back to his old cheerful self and Kanda would never dream of having the otherwise.

At a certain spot, Allen suddenly stopped and Kanda followed afterward. He knew that this meant the boy wanted to talk so he waited for him. He saw Allen playing with the ribbons on his bosoms and he could not help himself from being amused at that sight.

He was used to seeing Allen in nothing but his uniform and now to see the boy in a flowing red taffeta dress was really something. He recalled how Allen literally screamed when they first tried to put him in his dress, accusing them a bunch of perverts and almost breaking Komui's nose in the process. In the end he accepted his fate obediently since he could no longer fit into any of his clothes anymore. And, though Kanda knew it would surely ruin his reputation as a cold being if he said it out loud, Allen really looked cute in those dress Komui assigned him to wear.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" Kanda asked as he saw Allen kept silent.

Allen smiled, "I just… have something cross my mind just now."

"What?" he asked.

"About our child," Allen said. It sent a shiver whenever Allen said anything about their child. The way he always reminded Kanda that the child he conceived was indeed theirs made him have some unexplainable feelings in him, was it pride, was it love, he could not tell.

Kanda nodded and out of nowhere he brought his face closer to Allen's face. Concerning not the soft intake of breath the boy made, he securely locked their lips together. This too had become something of their routine. He had never guessed it before that he would have a chance to kiss Allen at any time he wanted to, but, he thought, it had never crossed his mind too that he could be wedded to the said boy and had him carry their child.

They could kiss forever for what he knew but the sound of someone sniggering made him stop. Gently he released Allen's lips from his kiss before he turned his head to the direction of the sound. There he saw, tall and dignified, Rabi was standing with his wide grin plastered on his face.

At the sight of their best friend, Allen squeaked and quickly ran to the smiling person's side. Kanda only snorted but followed him nonetheless. It was rare that Rabi visited the headquarters and, though he would never admit it, he had missed the said person a little, only a little of course, just a very little bit.

"Rabi!" Allen laughed as he launched his arms around Rabi's neck. Rabi could only stare in shock when Allen suddenly hugged him tight. His eyes caught Kanda's own eyes that glinted with amusement.

"Hormones," Kanda informed him shortly. At that, Rabi smiled in understanding and let Allen cling to him for some more time before the youngest of the three finally pulled away.

"So, what are you doing?" Allen said. "It's rare to see you actually visiting the headquarters."

"Indeed, I hate headquarters, it's so dull," Rabi made a face. "But what kind of friend I am if I don't congratulate my two best friends after their wedding? By the way, Miranda came with me and she sent her congratulation too."

Kanda noticed Allen was blushing. Even after so many times had passed, the boy still got embarrassed when he was reminded of his current status. He had many memories of Allen blushing furiously whenever someone called him with his new name.

"Thank you then," Kanda said, stepping forward. "I wanted to make you my best man in fact but too bad you were not there."

"Yeah, I'm really upset for missing the wedding ceremony," Rabi said. "That mission was hell! But anyway, I'm really happy for you two. And by the way, Allen, how far along are you?"

"Eighteen weeks," Allen answered him. "Why? Do you want to be our child's godfather?"

"If you want your child to be a spoiled brat, I do," Rabi said. He reached his hand under his coat and thrust forward a box. "Here's my present for you. Wish you a happy life ahead and all those craps that are usually said in a wedding ceremony."

Allen happily received the box and said his gratitude. But Kanda had caught something behind Rabi's eyes and his brow furrowed. Rabi stared at him and it just needed a second to pass between them to make him understand that Rabi wanted to talk with him in private. Years of knowing each other had made them able to communicate without even the need of word.

Tenderly he placed his palm on Allen's shoulder, making him turn his face so their eyes met. He stared at those grey eyes he had come to love and said, "Don't you want to rest? I think you might be tired."

And just like what it was between Rabi and him, the comprehension reached Allen also. The boy nodded and kissed him softly on his lips before slowly walked away from them, leaving them to have their privacy.

Kanda saw Allen's figure walking away and after he could no longer see his shadow, he turned his face to meet Rabi.

"Spill it," he said harshly.

"Before I say anything, you must promise not to kill the messenger, which is me," Rabi said. Kanda kept silent but he took that as an agreement so he continued. "They assigned us to a mission together."

"So?" he asked. It was usual for them, exorcists, to have missions as partners.

"Three keywords: Japan, long-term, Allen," Rabi said and Kanda cursed with words that even a most vulgar man would flinch in hearing them.

"Japan?" he asked.

"Yep, I heard they directly appointed this mission to you because of your background. And it's supposed to be a long-term mission," Rabi explained. "You have Allen here."

"I know," Kanda said. His expression had turned really grim. "Don't tell him, okay? I'll tell him myself when the time is right."

"You only have a week," Rabi said which made Kanda curse more. Rabi was used to having Kanda cursing because something annoyed him but to have him cursing because he would leave a certain someone? That was a new sight to him.

"I'll find a way," Kanda said. His hand reached for his forehead, he could feel a headache coming. "God, I hate this."

"Yeah, but we're exorcists so this is our fate," Rabi grinned. "Just so that you know, I'll be more than willing helping you if you want to kill those Commanders because they gave you this mission."

Kanda snorted, "Yeah, I'll remember that."

And that time, Kanda had no thought that somewhere from that time he would really drag Rabi along with him to do the thing he had bravely suggested. At that time, Kanda only sighed and walked back to find Allen. Rabi came along with him to drop his report and in the process giving him full explanation of his latest mission which consisted mainly with his swearing in many languages.

They parted when Rabi reached Komui's office and he continued his walk, somehow confused as to how he would tell Allen. When he opened the door that lead to their room - they now slept together in a single room after their reconciliation and Komui was generous enough to actually arrange a new bigger room to fit the two of them - he saw that Allen was deep asleep in their bed.

It was a lovely sight for him to see Allen could be so at ease and sleep without any fear. He approached the boy's side and his hands absent-mindedly did their particular work of brushing Allen's hair out of his face. He had come to love the boy's hair so much that he almost could not hide his happiness when Allen decided to wear it long.

Well, he mused as his fingers idly play through the soft white strands, initially it was not Allen's own idea. Rinali was the one who brought that thing up when she saw Allen trying to cut his hair. The said girl's scream was heard even in the most remote part of the room where the two occupied at that moment and enough to make Allen stop dead in his work. After that she began her long anecdote of how pregnant wom… people were not supposed to cut their hair when they carried a child. It was just a stupid superstition in Kanda's opinion but since he loved Allen's hair so much, he would more than happy let Rinali convince Allen with her words.

Allen stirred in his sleep and soon was awake with a smile.

"You really like my hair, don't you?" the just-awakened boy said.

"It's soft," Kanda admitted.

Allen giggled and gracefully rose from his sleeping position to sit on their bed, "Like yours is not."

Kanda chose not to answer that. And Allen was indeed not waiting for any answer for he promptly moved into his next question.

"What did you two talk about?" he asked.

Kanda knew the question would come but he felt like he was not able to answer it now. It was not the right time, he reasoned. So he settled on just saying, "Nothing important."

Allen gave him a look, "I know you lied. There's something but you just don't want to tell me."

It was amazing that they managed to understand each other so well in just a short term of time. That time also, Kanda noticed, Allen knew perfectly well that he was hiding something from him.

"I will tell you," Kanda said but he added slowly. "Eventually."

Allen sighed, "Don't always try to protect me, Yuu, I can handle any news."

"Cannot help it," Kanda said. "Besides, it's indeed not that important, just some usual things between the two of us, else I would have told you."

Allen stared at him for some time as if measuring his words. At the end he smiled in a way that let Kanda know that he had accepted his speech. He might not believe it, but he accepted it, and Kanda was content enough with that.

He decided that time to change the subject of their conversation by saying, "I think Rabi and Miranda must have finished giving their report by now. Do you maybe want to greet them?"

Allen beamed in delight. Kanda knew that Allen treasured his friends the most and would be more than happy seeing them around him.

He let his hand to be taken by the boy and his body to be dragged along the hallway. They met their friends in the cafeteria and Miranda actually fell from her chair when she saw Allen in his dress and a wreath of ribbons on his head. It was a new sight for her and Kanda did not blame her to fall because of it. He himself recalled of how he almost slid from his chair the very first time he saw Allen walking timidly in his dress, waiting for any sign of disapproval from him.

Of course he had none.

They spent their day and evening chatting together. He saw how Miranda, being the true mother type she was, always tried to give her advice to Allen on what he should and should never do in his condition. Rinali added the spice of her belief in superstition. Crowley was being a silent man but he was a faithful supporter of Rinali's odd superstition, wonder if she got that from her brother. And Rabi was simply being Rabi with his loud and cheerful laughs.

Kanda could not bring himself to ruin the happiness by telling Allen about his mission. He just could not. He knew he had to, but he always tried to get away from that. Rabi was aware of this and he gave Kanda a meaningful look every time their eyes met. Time was drawing near and he still had not told Allen about his mission. Until finally, he realized deep at the night when he had Allen nestling secured in his arms that he had to go on the day after the morrow.

He tightened his hold a bit around the boy's body to let him know that he had something in his mind. Allen quickly raised his face after he felt Kanda's gesture and questioned him silently with his eyes.

Kanda braved himself and took a breath.

"I have to go on a mission," he said slowly.

Allen looked at him for a moment with a look he couldn't decipher. Then he sighed and smiled sweetly at him.

"I should have known," Allen said. "Is this what you've been hiding from me for so long because you're afraid of breaking me?"

"Yes," Kanda admitted. "I have to go to Japan two days from now… this mission is supposed to be a long-term mission. I would be gone for more or less one month. I just couldn't say it to you sooner."

Allen chuckled, "You're worrying over the matter too much. I've told you I'm strong, I can handle any news. You're an exorcist and it's just ordinary for you to go on mission. Really, Yuu, you can be so stupid sometimes…"

Kanda breathed out in relief. Allen handled the news far better than he thought he would be. He nearly forgot how strong the boy was. Those sickness and weakness Allen possessed at the time being due to his pregnancy made him almost forget about Allen's strength. He had faced much more in his life yet he survived. It was only natural if he too could handle this, Kanda thought. But whether he really was fine with the news or merely hid his sadness within him, Kanda did not know.

He preferred not voicing out his doubt and instead kissed Allen's forehead warmly. He then remembered that Allen had something in his mind the time Rabi came to the headquarters and he had not yet told him about it.

Feeling somewhat curious, Kanda asked, "I recall you had something in your mind regarding our child that time when suddenly Rabi came to the frame. What is it?"

Allen thought for a moment and then said, "It's just a thought."

"Hm?" Kanda encouraged him.

"What will we name our child?" Allen asked.

Kanda was silent for a while, "We don't even know the gender yet."

"It's a girl, I'm sure of that," Allen said.

"A girl?" Kanda said, much to himself. "How about Maya?"

"What?" Allen said, staring deep into Kanda's eyes.

"She will be named Maya. It's a Japanese name," Kanda's explained. "My sister's."

"Your sister's name?" Allen asked, sounded really surprised because Kanda had never said anything about him having a sister. "Where is she now?"

"She has departed to the faraway shore when she was just a little newborn," Kanda said bitterly.

Hearing that, Allen's eyes went wide and he mumbled softly, "Sorry."

Kanda run his fingers through Allen's hair, saying, "It's fine."

The silence ruled the air as both Kanda and Allen did nothing but keeping their mouth shut until finally Allen broke it with his sudden saying.

"Maya sounds like a beautiful name," Allen said. "But she will be born in Britain; don't you think she will need an English name?"

"You choose then," Kanda said. He watched in pleasure as Allen seemed to think in search for a name. Then he saw Allen's face brightened up and he offered him a very dazzling smile.

"How about Lucina?" Allen said. "Lucina Maya Kanda. It sounds elegant and I love it."

Kanda let the name linger in his mind for some times. Lucina Maya Kanda, he pondered, it was indeed a nice name. He felt his heart warming up at the name and he said, "That sounds perfect."

It was decided without even the need of any word to come from their lips after that. The night was late and he could see Allen practically yawning quietly. He knew Allen needed his rest so he just silently wrapped his arms warmly around the other's lithe body. He felt Allen snuggling closer to the warmth his body produced and he could not help from thinking that Allen would have many nights cold and alone while he was away.

For two more days, Kanda thought, just for two more days could he feel this warmth. He was not trying to be romantic or what; it was not his nature to be one. He just could not help it. He had done so many things to Allen that he regretted and he just could not go away like that, leaving Allen in his condition. But he knew Allen's pride would be wounded if he did not go just because of him. No matter how weak the boy seemed, he still had that fire inside of him.

Therefore, he just closed his eyes and enjoyed this for as long as the time allowed them to. Tomorrow was tomorrow and today was today. That was how life worked, until finally the future became today, today changed into the past, and yesterday came to forgotten land.

- end chapter 8 -

(A/N: okay… chapter 8 is finally here… you may celebrate… please, we know you want to (laugh). Now, if you are wondering why we still spell Lavi's name as Rabi and Lenalee as Rinali and such, believe us, there is a very good reason for that… they're cuter that way (sweat) we know we're stupid, thank you, so shut up (laugh). Okay, back to this chapter… we really wrecked Kanda's past, eh, that's why we're calling it AU. And there's a very good reason for this too… it's cuter that way (laugh) and can you feel the aura of a trouble coming? We do know that you feel the sap and sugar though (we still have some toothache now after we wrote this… gah!) so, if you want to curse us for making your blood sugar run high, please do so by writing your review to us. But remember, no killing shall take place before the words 'the end' make their appearance, okay (smile)? Sa, guess that's all for now (we can hear some shouts of 'finally' on the background) hope you have a good reading and see you next chapter!)


	9. Missing You

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: ooh, Hoshino Katsura is sneezing!

Warning: shounen-ai, angst, depressed chapter again, OOCness

Chapter 9 – Missing You

In his life up until that time, Allen had always tried never to tell a lie. But now as he reflected on himself alone in his room, he realized that he had fallen miserably. He became conscious that he had told an obvious lie to none other than his own spouse before his leaving. He had told Kanda that it was okay for the other to leave him for his mission, but actually he did not really feel like that. Well, he still thought of himself to be somewhat okay at first, but his worsened temperament each day showed the people in the headquarters that he was far from okay. Maybe he himself thought that he was still fine, but people near him surely had the contradictory opinion about that matter. His mood swings made him shout at someone so loudly and then he could cuddle that same person within a second flat. And all of his shouting and whining was bad enough to make the finders that were taking care of him almost cry.

There was also the absence of his best friends—other than Komui and River—for their mission that did not help Allen dealing with his temperament at all. The only thing that could save the people in the headquarters was a piece of information about Kanda that was unknown yet to Allen to give to him, and it was getting lesser and lesser as the passing of days. No news meant Allen would have his temperament worsened, and having Allen in his bad temper was something that would cause a major understatement if it were to be described as 'chaos'. The headquarters had suffered enough things out of Allen's bad mood when at one point the people in the said place could have it no more.

Being the one who understood Allen's problem better than anyone present at that moment, Komui then decided to have a discussion with the said boy. Or to put it in a simpler way, Komui straightforwardly implored Allen to stop putting the headquarters along with its entire inhabitant in constant mayhem.

Just when after Komui had practically begged him to stop his 'evil scheme' for the headquarters did Allen find that his being in such a bad temper was not good for him, and especially for other people near him. Allen retorted Komui's entreating by a reason that if he did not project his excess energy to something, it would be killing him and other people eventually. Komui didn't have a counter for that, so he just fumed at a dark corner, muttering his prayer so that Rinali could go home soon from her mission and help in handling Allen's seemingly-more-irrational-self.

Allen, being his nice and sweet self, finally decided that he would think to settle his excess energy consumption to something else other than to terrorize the headquarters with his mood swings and countless questions as what Kanda's attitude that he did not know. He realized that it was doing him no good but he needed something to distract him from the fact that Kanda was not there with him. Yet he had no idea of what he should and could do. Ever since they knew that he was with a child, Allen found himself literally had no work else than merely living. It was boring in one way or another thus he decided to change it by plainly speak to his beloved supervisor who cringed a little upon seeing Allen's arrival to his office.

"Komui," he said as soon as he was seated in front of the man, "Could you give me some work?"

Komui raised an eyebrow and turned his gaze from his bunny pictured mug to face Allen. "But Allen, you're pregnant, right?"

"Yes, so?"

"I don't think pregnant people should work. You could overstrain yourself!"

"Oh, please, Komui… pregnant people are not that weak. Well, at least I'm not. I think that I could still do jobs like cleaning, cooking, or washing…" Allen said slowly. He knew that doing those jobs would surely kill any of the masculine side he still possessed in him but he cared less. He just wanted to do something and if he were allowed to do those jobs he had bravely suggested, he would do it with pleasure. After all, those years of living with his master had taught him things that could make him pass the test to be a perfect housewife in flying colors.

Thinking about his master, Allen suddenly felt a familiar fear creeping inside him. Shaking the thought, he tried to focus his sight and mind back to Komui who in time being was trying not to let his mind wonder to the daydream land thinking about Allen doing those jobs like a sweet loving housewife. Kanda would kill him if he knew.

And just like what Allen felt in his remembering of his master, Komui too felt a familiar fear creeping inside him as he remembered that coldhearted man named Kanda Yuu. He shouted in fright, "But what if you hurt yourself while doing those jobs? Kanda would surely not let me alive if I do that!"

"Komui… Do. Not. Treat me like I am a fragile porcelain doll!" Allen shouted back. Then he lowered his voice when he said his next words, "Besides, I could get crazy if I didn't do anything… The people in this headquarters are all trying so hard to help fighting the Noah's family. But here I am, doing nothing and just throwing tantrums now and then. You think that I could stand it? I am used to do something for other people and yet I'm not right now…"

"But Allen…You are aiding us now by conceiving an innocent-compatible child…" Komui said as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Well yes, but it's my responsibility anyway," Allen smiled bitterly, "I am just lucky that the headquarters didn't abort this child."

"Allen…"

"Please give me a job Komui… I am feeling miserable not doing anything. And if I am given more time to rest, I will just make myself sad anyway because I think of Yuu even more…"

Allen could see Komui releasing a breath at his request. He knew maybe he was a bit demanding but he could not help it. He really needed to do something to keep him sane and he knew that Komui understood that perfectly. Therefore he was not really surprised when Komui did not argue against his words further and instead called River to come to his office. He saw those two men talking about his request and jobs that he might be able to do with his current condition. They discussed for some times before with a sigh River stared at Allen.

"I couldn't refuse this job application, can't I?" River said with a grin and Allen could not help but to reply it with a somewhat sheepish smile. "Okay Allen, I'll talk with the people in charge that you would help them. But remember, don't overstrain yourself. I will give you the freedom to start and quit on any hours. You could also help with any things that you want to do at that moment."

"You should not give me that handicap, River…"

"It's a handicap for all pregnant people in this headquarters, Allen. I am not giving you a special treatment. Either accept it, or leave it."

"Okay, then. I believe I'll start working tomorrow?" Allen asked hopefully.

River nodded with a warm smile and Allen found himself jumping from his seat to hug the man to show his gratitude. He noticed that River actually allowed himself to be squished like a loyal pillow and he laughed at it. He knew that by now they all had become somehow adapted to his displays of emotions. He felt Komui patting his shoulder and he smiled at the man. He saw them both smiling though he did not know whether they smiled because they saw his happiness or because they thought that finally chaos would leave the headquarters after they assigned works for him to do or maybe both.

They did not know that giving Allen a job meant plunging the headquarters into another unpredictable state.

Allen, who was finally having his permission, thus decided the kitchen to be his first new field of duty. The next day he came to the said place and upon seeing his coming, Jerry, the head chef, squealed in delight.

"Oh Allen, my pretty boy, you decided to work here for the first time, eh?" he said.

Allen nodded with a smile. "As much as I like eating, I also like cooking."

"Well… there is a condition for you to work here…" Jerry said with a smile that suggested nothing but evil.

Allen frowned. Knowing Jerry's smile, he was up to no good. He was a bit fretful when he said, "May I know what it is?"

He saw Jerry rummaging the kitchen's closet and then the said man brought forward… an apron. It would be no problem if the apron looked neutral, but that apron really looked girly with its soft pastel pink color and white frills on its edge. It looked so evil for Allen but the smile on Jerry's face was more than just evil when he said, "You must wear this!"

"What? I don't want to wear that!"

"Aw, come on Allen," Jerry stepped forward towards Allen with a predatory smirk upon his lips and Allen stepped backwards to avoid him. "You know you want to wear this…"

"And who said so?"

"Please, Allen?"

"No! I don't want to!" Allen stepped backwards again but found his back had already met the kitchen's wall.

"It will be a perfect thing for a perfect housewife. Kanda would surely appreciate it if he's here."

"Well, he is not here now! And that pink frilly apron looks so evil for me…" Allen shuddered. Was it just not enough for him to actually wear a dress and now that nutty man in front of him exhorted him to wear an apron.

"No, it's not. It would be radiating your motherly aura more… It would be a punishment for Kanda because he's not here to see you with this while I and the others are. He would really regret this."

Allen pondered about it for a while. A punishment for Kanda, he thought, would Kanda really feel sorry that he missed his chance to see Allen in that evil thing? "Well… if you put it that way… but no! I still don't want to!"

"Oh come on, Allen… pretty please? I'll cook your most favorite foods…"

"Food is not a match for my pride, you know…"

"How about if I teach you how to make soba and tempura?"

"Soba and tempura?" Allen perched up when he heard those words. He recalled the association between those words and his spouse and he cleared up his suspicion by asking, "You mean Yuu's favorite foods?"

Jerry nodded with a triumphant smile. Allen frowned with a sigh of defeat. "You really don't want to back up unless I wear that evil frilly pink apron did you?"

Jerry shook his head. He had the premonition that victory was already his. "Fine," Allen said, confirming his thought. "But you better teach me how to make the best soba and tempura."

Allen swallowed up all of his pride when he finally wore the apron. He could see that Jerry was purely overjoyed with the fact that he had succumbed into his request. He just blushed as Jerry commented on how cute he was and how he could almost forget that Allen was a boy. His blush deepened when Jerry teased him about what a lucky bastard his husband was. He felt that he could afford no more of Jerry's teasing so he plainly told the man to start working because if Jerry made another comment on his cuteness, Allen was sure he would beat the reddest tomato on earth by then.

Jerry grinned and he gave Allen some simple jobs such as cutting and frying things, but he never guessed that the boy with the monstrous appetite was very skilled at cooking. Jerry even dared to tell that if he was given the proper training, he could be a professional chef that could rival him. Allen smiled at Jerry and he said that it was all thanks to the torture that his master gave. But he stopped quickly at remembering his master and forced himself to work to shove out the nightmares of his master's tortures.

Allen continued and he found himself thinking about Kanda again. Would he like it if he cooked something for him? What would he think if he saw Allen with the 'evil-frilly-pink' apron? He shook his head to clear his mind of Kanda, but he found himself far from doing so. Fortunately for him, his mind could stop thinking about Kanda when it was lunch time, the rush hours for the chefs and their assistant in the headquarters.

The rush hours brought him to another state of discomfort, though. The males who were coming to the headquarters' canteen saw him with the apron when Allen was shifted to the front clerk position. They stared at him, particularly drooled at him. He rolled his eyes and he really wished at that moment for Kanda to come and protect him from those eyes. It seemed to him that those males really had nothing in their mind but to jump him senseless. It terrified him to no end and thus he walked out from the kitchen not long after, and decided that maybe there was something he could do with the laundry.

He forgot that he was still wearing the apron when he escaped from the canteen.

And so, he really had to be thankful for his oblivion when he washed the clothes. Most of the male population in the headquarters was astonished in seeing Allen. How could they not when they saw a beautiful pregnant wom… person with his seemingly soft long white hair, wearing a red flowing dress with a frilly pink apron above it, humming a nursery song while carrying a large basket full of washed clothes underneath the sunlight? Some of them thought that it was sin for a male to look that beautiful, the smaller part of them stifled their laughter in seeing Allen who usually looked like a brave young man could drastically change into a perfect model of a housewife, while some others were thinking, "Damn, he's already taken!"

It was not a surprise if most of the male population in the headquarters found themselves despising and loathing Kanda even more. If jealousy that was directed at him were acid, Kanda Yuu would surely have been dead that very time. And too add their detestation up, those men saw how Allen seemed to be so lonely in his waiting for his certain spouse to come back from his mission.

Their observation was indeed true. Even though Allen had assigned himself to various jobs by helping the finders in the headquarters, he could not make himself stop thinking about Kanda. He could shove the thoughts of his beloved husband away by day but his nights were terrible. He felt cold and so lonely without Kanda's usual warmth beside him. He wanted to be at his side, he wanted to be held by him, or at least, to see him or hear his voice and his mood-swing just made it harder for him.

Allen felt that his patience of neither seeing nor hearing Kanda grew thin everyday, especially when one month had already passed and there was no sign of Kanda and Rabi's arrival. When he asked Komui when Kanda would come back, he was always answered with a sigh and a look of regret from Komui. Even Komui did not know when Kanda would arrive. It depended on how he and Rabi handled the mission and how much their superiors were satisfied with their mission, Komui said to him one day.

They could not make contact with Kanda and Rabi too much because it was a discreet mission, Komui had said to Allen, so he could not give Allen much information about Kanda's condition and their mission progress everyday. As the mission progressed, Kanda and Rabi's communication to the headquarters was getting lesser. The communication was also as short as possible so Allen could not even say a thing to Kanda.

With his patience growing thin, Allen could not help himself to be as rational as the first time when he said that he would be okay to Kanda. His mind kept thinking about negative possibilities of why Kanda cannot handle his mission well. First he thought that Kanda might be thinking of him so he could not concentrate on his mission. But he dumped that thought because it was ridiculous for Kanda to do that. He could always concentrate at what he should do at that time, unlike Allen. He could be so focused when he was engaged at some things that he should be prioritizing.

Next, he was thinking that Kanda's mission might be really hard. But Komui had said that Kanda knew the surrounding of his location as the mission was located in his home town. Plus, he had Rabi with him. It would not take longer than one month by that fact given, right?

Then, after pondering at many possible factors that could slow down Kanda and Rabi from completing his mission for more than a month, Allen came at his depressive and irrational self again. It was because he had somehow arrived at the thinking that Kanda might be too caught up with his mission and so he forgot that Allen was waiting for him at the headquarters. He would never think that it was possible at first, but his thinking became more irrational and more delusional than before. And beside, he could come up to no other possibility he thought would be able to hold someone like Kanda Yuu back. He concluded to himself that their forgetfulness might be the fact behind the reason of why Kanda did not finish his mission quickly after all.

But why he forgot, Allen thought bitterly. Did Kanda not love him enough or had he done something that made the other not love him as much as necessary. It made Allen wondered about how deep Kanda's love to him was. Allen thought that he would not have to wait for more than one month if Kanda wanted to see him like he did. Was Kanda's love for him not deep enough?

Allen tried to convince himself that Kanda really did love him so much by replaying those happy peaceful days they shared together after they reconciled. But when he thought about how they reconciled, Allen realized that Kanda never said that he loves him. He did say to Allen that the feeling was mutual, but what would he do if Kanda thought wrongly at that time? What if Kanda's love for him turned out to be a simple crush that would soon fade away with time?

And so with those thoughts, Allen felt that he was really insecure without Kanda giving him a blatant confession. He knew that Kanda was not a really romantic person, so his hope of making Kanda said 'I love you' was slim. But he really needed Kanda's obvious affirmation because Kanda was the first person that Allen felt more important than anyone else after Mana and he felt a little bit possessive about the said person. He wanted Kanda to feel that way too about Allen, to see him like he was the most important person. He knew that it was a little bit selfish, but he had already been too unselfish too many times for his own good, right? Was it wrong for him to be a little bit selfish?

With that thought in his mind, Allen became more and more irritated and anxious with Kanda not being there by his side. Did Kanda not think about him and their child waiting for him? Without anyone to talk with since all his friends that he trusted was either gone away for a mission or too busy to listen to him, his accusation of Kanda's abandoning him deepened into a stage where he found himself torn with his depression.

He actually felt tired with his own accusation to Kanda, since he was his most important person at that time. But some part of him kept trying to convince him that what he had done was not wrong. Kanda was the one who should be considered guilty. He could not do anything anyway, so Kanda must be the one who came to him quickly. With his consciousness battling over which part of him was right, he felt more confused and depressed. He really needed Kanda or at least someone that he could talk to come to him.

It seemed his hope was answered. After nearly two month waiting with no clarity as to when Kanda would come back and after being confused for almost one month, somebody came to aid his mind. But he was not one that Allen would think about coming to the headquarters. That person arrived right after Rinali visited him on her way to file her report.

"Allen," Rinali said to him. He was in his room at that time even though it was still on the afternoon because River did not give him the permission to work full time again after seeing his depressed and exhausted condition, "There's someone here to visit you."

"Who is it?" Allen asked. "Did Yuu come back already?"

"I'm sorry to say this but he's not Kanda. The headquarters still haven't got any news from Kanda and Rabi about their arrival. It seemed that… the communication golem was crushed at their mission," Rinali said, making Allen looked crestfallen. "But I think that you would be happy to see him."

"And who might that be?"

Rinali beamed a smile at him. "He would soon visit you here. Well then, I should file this report quickly. My brother seemed to be anxious to see my report."

"I think that he was excited to see you, not the report," Allen said, feeling jealous at Komui because his sister had come back first before Kanda did.

Rinali chuckled and she said, "Well, I will be going then. You said that you would like to talk about something to me, could it be saved for later?"

Allen nodded. "Yes, don't worry about me."

"Are you sure? You look quite pale. Did you sleep right?" Rinali said with a scrutinizing gaze that left Allen feeling quite perturbed. He did not want the girl to see him broken like that.

"Well… It's a long story. You really should talk to Komui first," he said with an attempt of a smile.

"I see… Okay then Allen, I will see you tomorrow. I don't think that I would be able to escape from my brother after giving this report until tomorrow morning."

"I'll be waiting."

Rinali nodded to him and she took off to find her brother. Allen sighed and he looked outside his window. Who was the one that would visit him?

Not long after he thought about that, his door was pounded harshly. Allen frowned. Who would be that impolite in this headquarters? The finders that usually took care of him were very polite to him and they would not pound the door that harsh. Allen shouted, "Just a minute!" as he walked toward the door to open it.

Seeing who was behind the door, Allen thought it could be considered as something of a miracle that he did not get a heart attack instantly. He never thought that he would see that person standing in front of him here, giving the fact that he really hated the headquarters. He never thought that he would again face the one who had succeeded in giving him nightmares in his sleep and even in the daylight. But there he was, still standing proud and tall, and still giving bad vibes to Allen.

Standing in front of him was his very own personification of nightmares. The man who visited him was none other than his master, General Cross Marian.

-end chapter 9-

(A/N: We wrecked Allen's character, we wrecked it! And such a cliff-hanger too… but that's fine since we all love cliffhanger, right (get smacked) uh… okay, so you don't like it… (nervous laugh). Anyway… don't worry, that cliff won't hang for long (silence) okay, we admit that's not funny. Gah! Finally this chapter is done! Yay! And we swear to God that we had had that concept of seeing Allen in frilly apron before we read chapter 85 of D. Gray-Man manga where he is actually wearing that… seems that we have the same fetish as Hoshino-sensei… oh dear, is that a spoiler! Ahaha… so, review? Pretty direct, eh? But we cannot help it since we don't know any other way to ask for review… just see us now rambling like a bunch of idiots… better to stop now. So, dearest readers, hope you have a great time reading this, hope we'll meet again in the next chapters, and hope you'll give us your reviews (laugh) bye for now!)


	10. Looking Back

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: claiming the ownership of D.Gray-Man will only cause us something unpleasant with people in law suit therefore we announce now for good that it's not ours, dammit, so leave us alone!

Warning: it's rambling and stupid and you can see this is meaningless… we made our own version of Kanda's childhood to support this story and in this story Japan is just your normal, somewhat-peaceful country and not a centre of Akuma like what it is in the manga, so please, if that by any mean upsets you, do simply not read.

Chapter 10 - Looking Back

The ship rocked back and forth as it sailed through the rather calm ocean. Kanda stood alone on the deck, staring at the rippling waves of the water below him, thinking of a certain thing regarding a certain someone. He was content at being alone but some sounds of footsteps coming to his direction let him know that there was someone else beside him.

Turning his head, he had already possessed a frown when he stared directly at the newcomer's smiling face.

"Mourning over something?" the smiling person said and Kanda snorted.

"Back off," he simply said which made the other chuckled.

"Aw, Yuu, you're no fun when you're depressed," Kanda saw how his friend laughing in iniquitous happiness. He really had no intention to talk with anyone at that time being and Rabi was no exception even though he could say the other as one of his closest friends.

"Leave it," he said, somehow pleased when he could see the outline of the coast on the far horizon. He knew that they were nearing Yokohama harbour by then so he narrowed his eyes and continued, "We'll arrive soon, and you better prepare yourself."

"Oh well, whatever you say then. I assume you just want to be alone when you're daydreaming of your beautiful boyfriend far away from here," Rabi snickered before he ran away as fast as he could. Kanda's face twitched but there was no other change in him. The crack that suddenly appeared on the door to where Rabi walked was not his doing, of course. It was his sword that had done that, regarding not the fact that indeed at that time his hand was the one holding the said weapon.

Kanda blamed his good mood as his reason of not chasing after Rabi. Yes, he was indeed in a very good mood recently because somehow they had managed to finish the mission far sooner than what he had previously expected. Their mission was involving them having to meet a certain general and pass him a message from the headquarters. It was pure luck that they somehow succeeded in finding the general in no time thus they were able to finish their mission in a real quick time.

Snorting, Kanda made his way to his own cabin, preparing himself to be off the ship. It had been three weeks since they left England and he could not help but wonder if Allen was fine. He was still not utterly sure of his idea leaving Allen alone in the headquarters. Well, not entirely alone for there were still other people on his side, but he had still his worries in his heart. He knew how unsecured Allen felt though the other never really told him about it. During the brief news he exchanged with the headquarters once in a while, Kanda could catch some hints of Allen's depression though the other always said he was fine.

He sighed. Maybe it too was his fault that he could not make contact often with the headquarters after their communication golem had somehow been crushed and the branch of the headquarters there refused to give them any as a substitute though he didn't know why. And so they relied on telegrams to change news, a rather arduous mean of communicating in his opinion.

With a shake of his head to clear it, Kanda set his feet off the ship. Rabi was following suit beside him.

"So, we just need to give that message to the branch of headquarters here, right?" Rabi asked. "Such a simple thing. I still can't understand why they said it was a discreet mission. I daresay we'll be back soon."

"I suppose," Kanda said. In his hands, he had the reply from the general they were assigned to find. They just needed to go to the branch of the headquarters in that town and give it to whomever person supervising there. It seemed easy enough and Kanda was sure that they would have been home by the next few days.

But apparently, that was not what they met when they reached the headquarters. Rather than a permission to leave after finishing the mission, Kanda found that they both had another mission waiting for them. The order came directly from the Commander-in-Chiefs of the main headquarters in England and it was said that the mission was specially arranged for them and them alone after they had finished the preceding mission given to them.

With a frown Kanda took the description of the mission and with Rabi he exited the building. Just when they were out somewhere from that building did Kanda voice out his thought.

"Why did we have another mission?" he asked, much to himself.

"I don't know," Rabi said. "The thing that confuses me the most is why The Commanders specially assigned this mission to us after we finished our previous mission."

"It seems they deliberately wait for us finishing our mission just to assign us another mission," Kanda said with his mind busy calculating in his head. He stared at Rabi who seemed to have the very same thought with him.

"You know, Yuu, this sounds like a conspiracy," Rabi said.

Kanda grunted, "And the reason being?"

Rabi looked at him for some moment before saying, "Allen."

Kanda cursed loudly in his native tongue which made several people turn their head to his direction in shock. Rabi made no attempt to prevent his friend for he too felt like cursing at the now noticeable fact. It seemed that those higher-ups were trying to give their punishment to Kanda. For what, Kanda thought cynically, for marrying one of their exorcists and loving him?

"Let's just finish this off quickly," Kanda said. "And if after this finished those people still give us another mission, I swear there will be bloodshed."

"Not mine I hope," Rabi said.

With a darkened mood, the two of them decided to study their mission more closely. Kanda was evidently raging when he found out that their mission was nothing but a stupid task of delivering some documents from the headquarters to its remote department which was located in some kind of inaccessible area somewhere in Japan. Seeing how angry his friend was, Rabi secured the papers which held the description of their mission before Kanda could rip them to thousands pieces.

"This…" Kanda hissed. "Is ridiculous!"

"I know, but don't rip the papers," Rabi warned.

"I'd better rip those Commanders off their head," Kanda seethed.

"After the mission is done," Rabi said with a pressure on the word 'after'. "I know you're upset. Hell, I'm upset too, but we're exorcists and we have the obligation to accomplish our missions, even though it's just the simplest form of idiocy which came from nothing but a bunch of imperceptive supercilious things that called themselves Commanders."

Kanda frowned at Rabi, "Imperceptive supercilious things?"

"It sounds cooler than just call them stupid people," Rabi grinned. "I bet if I say those words in front of them, none of them will notice that it's supposed to be a cuss."

Kanda only rolled his eyes but Rabi's words more or less could lift some of his dark mood. He knew that the other said right. They were exorcists who had pledged themselves to accomplish any mission given to them. And by doing this, Kanda thought, he had a chance to stay longer in his nearly-forgotten homeland which allowed him to do something he left unfinished the last time he set his feet off that country.

Considering the matter in his mind, Kanda finally decided.

"Rabi," he called the other, "I wonder if you can maybe leave me alone for a while? I need to do something personal."

Rabi stared at him for some time and then with an understanding smile he asked, "Something about your family?"

"I even haven't said anything to them about my marrying Allen," Kanda said. "It leaves me somehow disturbed."

"Ah… I see…" Rabi breathed. "Take your time, then. I can do this mission by my own. You don't need to worry."

"I'm not intending for you to do the mission alone," Kanda retorted. "You can wait for me. After I finish my business, I'll help you in the mission."

"And waste so much time? No way!" Rabi made a face. "I better go and do the mission as soon as possible and then come back to my warm bed hoping those Commanders have their life full of sorrows and troubles."

"You better hope that they have no life at all," Kanda said which made the other laugh. It was relieving to have someone like Rabi as his friend and Kanda Yuu realized it. He watched in gratification as the other walking away from him, leaving him alone to do his particular business.

Kanda took a deep breath before he forced his feet to move forward to the train station. He bought a ticket that would deliver him to the city in which he was born nineteen years prior. It was two days after he and Rabi took separate ways that he found himself standing on the station of his hometown.

He strode through the street he knew so well by his heart. How could he not if the major part of his childhood time he spent by wandering and playing on that street? Though he too forgot not the certain incident happened on that street that changed his life forever.

He could still evoke the smell of blood and smoke that came to his nose that day. He could still recall the sounds of people screaming and the sight of them dying before his eyes. The sight refused to leave him, even after so many years had passed, he still could not erase it from his mind.

People who passed on the street gave him a knowing look laced with a little fear. Kanda knew that those people too had not forgotten that certain incident. The cross he carried on his chest proudly revealed his identity to them as an exorcist. When he was just a little boy, Kanda remembered, no one dared to wear such thing like cross if they did not want to be killed. Christianity was prohibited in Japan by that time but now he could walk freely in his uniform through the busiest street in that country. All thanks to that certain incident he could never forget. The incident that had made him be what he was now.

His feet brought him to a stop on the gate of a shrine. He entered the shrine just to meet up with a rather large grey wall with so many names inscribed on it. His fingers traced the hard contour of the stone until he stopped at two definite names.

With a bitter smile he whispered, "I'm home, father, mother, it's really been a long time."

The stone was a memorial for people who died that day when a great group of Akuma lead by the Noah's family raging in that part of town, massacring the people as they came in search for the innocence Kanda now held tightly in his hands. He remembered how his mother screamed for him to run even after one of them thrust a sword trough her slim form. He saw his father's head decapitated before his eyes. He saw them killing every people they met up with and he could do nothing but run.

That time, Kanda knew nothing about them. That was his first meeting with the Akuma, a frightful and dreadful meeting that he could never forget for the rest of his life. He remembered how they keep on hissing about innocence when they rummaging his house. He remembered seeing them coming into his father's room and without knowing from where he had his sudden strength, he found himself running past through them into the room. He remembered seeing his father's sword that he quickly grabbed that time without sparing any thought of what exactly he was doing.

That sword was the exact same sword that he held when he knelt before the stone wall, facing the name of his father and mother before him. He put that sword in front of him and a sad expression passed through his face.

"I always take care of your sword well, father," Kanda said using his mother tongue. He had been so long using English that he almost forgot the feeling of his own mother language escaping his lips. It somehow felt nostalgic. "This sword has always been helping me in doing my job as an exorcist, though I still feel guilty of not succeeding in saving your lives that time."

That time, Kanda thought, was the time that changed his live forever. Because that time, for the very fist time in his live, did he activate his innocence. Who could guess that the sword his father held in possession was actually an innocence that those Akuma were searching for?

Kanda still kept in mind what it felt like the first time he used that sword to kill his first Akuma. He remembered how he fought like crazy, caring not the wounds apparent on his body. He remembered how suddenly his vision blurred and the ground never before looked so inviting in his life. The last thing he saw before he passed out was a white cross standing evidently on the black background and the first thing he saw after he opened his eyes again was the face of General Theodore smiling at him.

From that day on, Kanda pledged his live to be an exorcist and destroy the Akuma. He moved to England and only occasionally did he visit his homeland like what he did now.

"I do my job well as an exorcist ever since that day," Kanda explained to the grey wall before him as if he was talking face by face with his parents. "Even though I could not save you, I still can save many lives. And forgive me, father, and mother, for being such an ungrateful child that I failed to remember to tell you certain news."

Kanda exhaled deeply, "I am now married with someone named Allen Walker. He's such a delightful boy and I'm sure you'll like him if you have a chance to meet him. We're expecting our first child now."

At the mention of their child, Kanda allowed a small smile to appear on his lips, "We are going to name her Maya after her departed aunt. Are you not happy with that, father? Mother?"

A soft wind blew and caressed his face. Kanda was not someone who believed in ghost but deeply in his heart he felt it was the tender gesture his parents gave to support him. And he could not deny that indeed he felt better after that.

"I will see if I can bring him here with me the next time I visit you again," Kanda said. "I'm sorry that I so rarely visit you, I have failed in being a considerate child. For that, I am terribly sorry."

The sky had become somehow darker than before. Dusk was approaching and in seeing that, Kanda took his sword and stood up.

"I have to go now," he said. "Father, mother, I'm leaving."

Kanda bowed for the last time and he was almost sure he heard the sound of his father and mother saying 'be careful' faintly in the wind. He straightened up and left the place without even once turning back again.

He always felt somewhat sad every time he visited the place since it always reminded him of his futile attempt to save his parents. But maybe, Kanda thought, it all happened for a purpose. If that day never happened in his life, he could not think what he could have become. For sure, he wouldn't have been an exorcist, he wouldn't have encountered people whom now he called as his companion, he wouldn't have met Allen not to mention been married to the said person.

Maybe, Kanda thought, it all happened for a purpose. That cruel thing called destiny had its own way and he had no power to change it.

Thinking over the matter no more, he then decided to wait for Rabi in that town. The other knew where his hometown was and he had no doubt that he would search for him there. In patience he waited for Rabi but the one he waited for came to him in rage nearly two weeks after he visited his parents' grave. Kanda needed only one glance to the other's face to prove that his trepidation had come true.

"They assigned us another mission," Kanda merely stated, not asked.

"Don't kill me, okay?" Rabi said with disdain. "I really hate this."

"What mission is it now? If it's another document delivery thing, I swear I would just rip those papers with or without your approval," Kanda said darkly.

"Too bad it's not," Rabi said, throwing the description of the mission to Kanda. "This time they sent us to another 'discreet' mission of transporting an innocence from somewhere out there to the headquarters with no article as a communication device. Just great!"

Kanda thought for a while before saying, "I was used to be content leaving for months doing mission but… I have somebody waiting for me now."

"I know, I'm the same like you, the part of going away for months I mean, not the I-have-somebody part" Rabi said. "But this is evidently a conspiracy and God knows how I hate it."

Kanda did not say a thing. His mouth had become a mere thin line on his face and people could see how angry he was though he kept silent.

"It has been over a month since we left the headquarters, right?" Kanda asked.

Rabi nodded.

"I promised Allen that I would be back in a month," Kanda said in desperation. "Since I never thought that they would assign us any other mission."

At that new information Kanda just gave, Rabi had his eyes widened.

"Oh God," he said. "Allen will be furious."

"No he won't," Kanda said. He took his sword before his eyes and examined it with utmost hatred apparent in his eyes.

"He will be depressed. I am the one who will be furious."

He let no word pass through his lips after that, but behind his silence, he reserved so much turmoil in his heart. He kept having his worries and for once he thought of abandoning his pledge as an exorcist and just going back home without completing his mission.

- end chapter 10 -

(A/N: told you it's rambling (laugh) and damn, it's so AU, isn't it? But dunno why we love making up Kanda's past… you know, it's an unwritten rule of a story that a pretty boy should have a bloody and sorrowful past (laugh). So, you can tell us how you think of this chapter by giving us reviews and yes, we do admit that we still leave that cliff hanging from the last chapter but we cannot help it… that cliff looks so cute hanging like that (if you don't understand what the hell is the meaning of this, don't worry, even us don't know…). Sa, then… it's a sin to slow you down from writing your reviews by making you reading this crap that we sweetly call authors' note. So, please, be our guest and leave your review (smile) and we hope to see you next chapter when we finally release that cliff from its hanger…)


	11. Visits

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: Um, do you really need this to know that D.Gray-man didn't belong to us?

Warning: shounen-ai, angst, major OOCness

Chapter 11 – Visits

While Kanda was still busy in his mission, Allen found himself in quite a predicament. Sitting in front of his desk was his worst nightmare in the name of General Cross Marian, who came into his room just a minute ago, saying, "You idiot disciple!" as his first greeting to Allen after they had never seen each other for a long time.

He entered Allen's room without any further words and now, Cross was currently playing with Timcanpi, while Allen sat in front of him, trembling. Cross faced him after a while, and he asked, more like ordered, "Are you not going to serve me something, idiot?"

"Y-y-yes master, right away!" he said quickly and he stood up. He went out and asked some finders that were stationed outside his room to bring some tea before finally coming back to his position before. He glanced at Cross with fear apparent on his face. His master had not said anything about why he came to see Allen. Did he know about Allen being pregnant and so came to visit him? Did he know about Kanda?

The tea thankfully came not long after, and Cross sipped his tea before saying his words again to Allen. "Now, tell me what happened," Allen bit his lower lip upon hearing Cross' words. "Why does your stomach bulge with a child and why did you wear that stupid floating dress? You were a male, right? And who is this Kanda thingie that made you pregnant?"

"Yuu is not a thing, master," Allen said, quite upset that his Yuu was addressed as a 'thing'. As much as he was angry at him right now and as much as he feared his master, Kanda was still his spouse.

Cross raised his eyebrow when he heard Allen stood up for someone in front of him. That Kanda must really be something.

"Whatever," he said simply. "I did not ask if he was a thing or not, you imbecile. Would you be smart enough to answer my question now?"

"Y-yes master!" Allen said, regaining his fearfulness for his master. "Um…the truth is that…well…um…"

"Be quick with your words."

"Yes, well, Master, um, you see…Yuu and I were sent to a mission, and there, an innocence somehow entered my body. And then…well…you see…Yuu and I…" Allen stopped and blushed like a red ruby. "He and I…um…."

"Did he force you to do it?" Cross said with a menacing smile.

Allen, afraid of what his master would do to Kanda, said quickly, "No, master! Yuu would not do such a thing…"

"God has just saved that poor child's soul," Cross grunted.

Allen sighed in relief and wanted to say thank you to his master for sparing Kanda, but before it could happen, Cross continued his words.

"But, my hammer might want to say something to him…" he said it with a sinister smile, making Allen trembled and fear for Kanda's safety.

"No, master! Please! I beg of you!" he pleaded, "Please don't hurt Yuu!"

"Hmph, I'll consider it for your child's sake, but I can't promise anything."

Allen sighed in relief again. Really, his master was someone who liked to put people's heart in fear and shock. "Tell me about your condition now," Cross said. "How long your pregnancy has been?"

"I believe that I'm already at my 26th week of pregnancy, Master."

"It's already more than six months then…" Cross paused. He then said after a while, "And who's the pervert that had made you wear that dress?"

"Well, Komui wasn't really a pervert…"

"Komui? I'll definitely visit that man, then," Cross said again with his sinister laugh.

"Um, Master, I believe Komui did not mean any bad thoughts… There are no other clothes that could fit on me, so Komui assigned me to wear this."

"You are really an idiot disciple," Cross said. "If he wanted to aid you, then he should be more considerate at your well-being when he picked your clothes."

Allen blinked when he heard Cross' words. Did he hear it right? Did his master was just being considerate of his well-being? Did his master hit his head hard enough before his visit to Allen to think about his well-being?

"He should pick you a dress that would show the utmost of your sensuality. What was in the man's thought when he put you in that dress?" Right, trust his master to be the pervert. "I think that that Kanda of yours could appreciate something more like a… yukata. He was from Japan, right? Would you imagine what his face would look like when he saw you with a black silk yukata that was knot loosely with a white obi? Damn, I still remember those sexy women I met when I had mission in Gion. I bet his reaction will be similar to mine when I saw those women. He would be drowned in the pools of blood when he saw you with that yukata," Cross said with a smirk.

Allen blushed when he heard Cross' words. "Please don't make weird suggestion, Master…" he said.

He regretted his words when he saw Cross glaring at him, definitely didn't accept that his disciple was defying his words. "Now, talking about the one who took your virginity, where is he?"

Allen face saddened when he remembered Kanda again. "He is in a mission, Master."

"And he left a six month pregnant person here? What a guy…"

Allen did not answer that, for he was also disappointed by Kanda's late return. Seeing his disappointed face, Cross asked, "Do you really love him?"

Allen blinked at that question and said, "Yes, master."

"Did he love you?"

"Well… he… implied it…"

"So he did not say that directly?"

"…not… yet, Master…"

"I think I'd like to have some delightful moments of nattering with this Kanda guy," Cross said with a sigh. Without any word of goodbye he rose from his seat and then started to walk away.

"Where are you going, Master?"

"Looking for a worthy woman in this dull headquarters. There bound to be someone pretty enough for me here."

Allen sighed. That was his master, alright. "Will you be staying here until I give birth to my child?"

"Hn," was all Cross said before he continue his step.

Allen smiled hearing that. Even though Cross had given him many hard times, he was still the one that helped him when he was breaking because of Mana's death. If Cross did not find him that day, he didn't think he would be here, or even alive. So, he wanted the one who gave him light for his life saw his newborn baby arriving at this cruel yet sweet world.

Feeling very grateful because his master would wait for his baby's arrival, Allen voiced his feeling. "Thank you, Master," he said

Cross stopped on his step when he heard Allen's gratitude and he said, "Tell me Allen, are you happy with him as your spouse?"

"Well…"

"Do not hesitate. Answer me with a 'yes' or 'no'."

Allen gulped. He thought again about his time with Kanda. Even though Kanda had given him hard times, he remembered the good times that could drive away his bad memories. And when he remembered it all again, he said with a firm voice, "Yes, master. I am happy enough with him."

"I have your words then," Cross said and then he walked out from Allen's room, leaving Allen all by himself again. Allen sighed in relief. His master might be the one giving him many nightmares and fears, but… it was nice to talk to him again. And he did not deny that he had another reason of why he was happy in having his master there, which he hoped would somehow drive Kanda's image out of his mind.

But it seemed that even if he had hoped his master's arrival would occupied his mind instead of Kanda, Allen found his morning was as bad as his usual one after Kanda left him for longer than one month. He found himself alone and cold on the large bed that was usually occupied with two people. He did not comprehend why he had still not adapted to the fact that Kanda was still in his mission and not with him. Then his anger to Kanda rose again after remembering his late mission completion.

He bathed with a bad mood and after that he decided to just sulk on his room rather than work at the kitchen as usual. It was just not his day. Rinali would come sooner or later anyway so he didn't have the motivation to work. He wanted to wait for Rinali here because he was aching to talk about his frustration to her.

What he didn't expect before Rinali's visit to his room was him hearing sounds of deep footsteps with a quick pace coming to the direction of his room. He knew those footsteps and that pace, but he thought that he was being delusional. His heart thumped when he heard the sounds died in front of his room's door and followed by a door harshly opened. He did not, he had never expected to see his spouse, the long-haired man that was leaving him for two months, was there standing in front of the door.

His eyes bulged in disbelief and he blinked for a few times. He still couldn't register the fact that Kanda was already back, yet he found himself suddenly embraced by the warmth that was familiar for him. Kanda had really come back.

Allen wanted to return Kanda's embrace, but a part of him that was still confused of what to do or what to say to Kanda after their long separation. So when Kanda released him from his embrace to kiss him, Allen shoved him away. In doing it, he felt a little wicked satisfaction but at the same time he too felt regret.

He felt Kanda tensed and shortly after, his voice came saying, "Are we into this again?"

Allen did not say anything in return. Kanda sighed in frustration. "What is your problem now?"

Allen felt something snapped out in his mind and his frustration that was build up when he was waiting for Kanda came out from their cell. "What is my problem now?" he said, his tone laced with anger. "My problem is you, Kanda Yuu! Why didn't you come back at the time you tell me, you're late! Terribly late at that!"

"I'm sorry about that, my mission was prolonged and I…"

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" Allen cut him shortly. He wanted no excuse. He just wanted to unleash his anger. "You forgot about me and our child, didn't you? You were too caught up on you mission in Japan, didn't you?"

"Stop it, Allen! I would never forget about you or our child!"

"Don't lie to me! You didn't care about us waiting here for you, didn't you? If you indeed care then why didn't you come back quickly? Why didn't you send us some news?"

"I am not lying to you, Allen. I had already told you that my mission was prolonged and I think you know already from Komui that I couldn't communicate much because of some problems in this mission."

"Liar!" Allen seethed. Something in the back of his mind whispered to him to just stop before he brought them into any worse state but he tried not to care at that tiny voice. "You just don't care about us! You could've come back sooner and not leaving us here!"

Kanda's face twitched. "Why are you being so selfish?"

"Couldn't I be selfish once in a while? Why can't you understand how lonely and depressed I was?"

"It's not that I didn't try to come back earlier!"

"Then if you really try that hard why did you still come back late?"

"Damn it, Allen! Did your really pay attention to my explanation earlier?" Kanda shouted. At his shout, Allen fell silent. His eyes widened in shock and disbelief. Had Kanda just shouted at him? He never did that after they reconciled.

He saw the man give him one angry look before he left him to the door. He wanted to call him but he did not know what to say. It the end it was Kanda who turned his face to him and stared coldly at him.

"I have enough of this!" he said with his voice matched the coldness of a wintry night. "Clear that mind of yours and think better of what I have said!"

With that said, Kanda slammed the door shut behind him harshly. "Yuu, you stupid!" Allen shouted as he threw a pillow to the abused door. He bit his lower lip hard. This was not the thing he thought he would do to Kanda the first time he saw him come back. He wanted to hug him, wanted to kiss, wanted to say how much he missed him, but that wants was all shot down by his anger at Kanda.

He was tired, he was confused, he was frustrated and he leashed all of that to Kanda as soon as he got back. But he expected Kanda to understand him, he expected Kanda to forgive him, he expected Kanda to listen to him and tell him what happened on his mission patiently. He didn't expect that Kanda would also be angry at him.

When Allen reflected on what he had done, there's a knock on the door and he heard Rinali's voice. "I'm coming in, Allen," she said.

Allen knew that it would be wasting his breath if he told Rinali to leave, so he decided to let her enter his room silently. Rinali brought a chair to face him in his bed and she started to talk. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but my God… Allen, I'm surprised that both of you had a fight right after Kanda get back."

"Well it's not really my fault."

"Is this what you wanted to talk yesterday? What happened?"

"I was disappointed at Yuu because he didn't keep his word of coming back after one month," he answered.

Rinali rolled her eyes. "So you're angry at him because of that simple reason?"

"It's not simple, Rinali," Allen said between his gritted teeth. "It's big enough for me."

"I don't understand, Allen… I know that it was hard for you to be separated from each other, but aren't you going too far as to be angry and shouted at him?"

"I'm going too far? You really did not know or understand anything, didn't you Rinali?"

Rinali gave him a confused look. "Of course you didn't," Allen said after seeing it. "You were not the pregnant one, trying to wait patiently for your spouse to come home. He was saying that he would be back in one month, and when it had already past one month, you were not the one who kept hoping and asking when he would come back. You were not the one that kept wondering if he was alright, did he ate well, did he think about me and his child waiting for him, would he be alright in Japan, would he cheat from you because of another person he found on his mission, and would you lose him because of some stupid long-term mission…"

"Allen…"

"And of course you didn't understand a thing. Of course you didn't know how it felt to be so alone and cold at night without him by your side. Of course you didn't know how insecure it felt without him by your side. Of course you didn't know how insecure it felt when your spouse never even told you that he loves you," Allen started to feel teardrops forming in his eyes and notwithstanding himself, he cursed inwardly.

Allen continued his rant despite of tears running on his cheeks. His voice trembled when he continued, "You did not know how it felt to love someone again after losing someone that was so important to you before in your life. You did not know how the fear forming in your heart to lose someone you hold so important in your heart again. If you did, you know that you would start to feel depressed; you would start to think irrational. You would start to be angry at him. Because you can't do anything else. Because you don't know anything about him. You don't understand me because you are not the one that could only sit here, waiting, hoping that you were not that weak to help him. You are not the one that was usually could do so much for him and so much for another people yet you could not do anything right now…" And he started to sob right there.

"Damn it, Rinali…What can I do? What am I supposed to do? You don't… you don't understand how it feels… to be so confused and how it felt… that there's nothing you can do except to wait… It's sickening… It was like you were drowning in the sea of nothingness and you could not struggle at all… All you can do is to see that your being is going to be ceased into nothing… And… And all you can do to fill your empty heart is to pour it with anger and the question 'why' if you did not want it to be filled with… loneliness instead... And I really hate it… I really hate that loneliness… I hate it even more after I knew what it feels like not to… not to feel lonely again… So what… what can I do… what should I do?"

Rinali heart seemed to break when she heard Allen's mouth pouring all of his frustration in front of her. She didn't know what she would say to Allen. Would it be alright for her to say a few things to Allen, she did not know. But she knew that she should try her luck and do what she could do. And so, she bumped Allen's head with his clenched fist, ignoring her instinct that she should not hit someone who was pregnant.

"Allen, you idiot! Of course I don't understand you!" Rinali shouted. She did not really like the fact that she was shouting at Allen now, but her instinct told her that it was the best way to make Allen woke up from his state of depression. "I'm not you! But did you really perfectly understand Kanda either?"

"No…but…"

"Then you have no right to just go and make assumptions then go worrying about what he thought or done!"

"But he…"

"You better say no 'but' again now, Allen! Think about it carefully and clearly. Did you really listen to what Kanda said about why he came home late?"

Allen stopped his sobbing as he tried to recall Kanda's words to him a while ago even though his tears didn't stop running wildly down his cheek. "Well… he said that his mission was prolonged…"

"Then just believe that was happened! Did he come back safely now?'

"Well yes…"

"Then there's no use to fume about how you depressed about him on your nights here! He's back safe and sound… Isn't that the most important thing that matters to you?"

Allen nodded dumbly.

Rinali then took another intake of breath and said, "Even though he never said 'I love you' to you, didn't he already show you how much he loves you without words? Do you still doubt the feelings that he projected through his actions?"

He thought about it again and recalled the same memories that he did when he tried to answer Cross' question if he was happy with Kanda or not. "No…" he finally said after a few moments. "But…"

Rinali cut him before he continued, "So there's no need for him to voice out his thoughts directly, right? I somewhat know Kanda quite well, young man, and he was not one to back up at his own words. He was not also the one to cheat and I just know that he would always remember you and your child, being a man he is."

Rinali took a deep breath before continuing, "And oh please, Allen, you are not useless. You could make yourself useful by helping the finders here, and more importantly," Rinali paused for while," you could have greeted him with a smile and a kiss when your husband came back from his exhausting mission, you know?"

Allen nodded uncertainly. Not satisfied with that, Rinali asked to Allen, "Allen Walker Kanda, you heard and do understand my words, right?"

Allen bit his lower lip upon hearing Rinali said the name 'Kanda' attached to him. It reminded him of his status and the duty that came with it. "Yes," he said softly.

"Then think about it all over again with clear mind, Allen… think about Kanda… think about what you wanted to do the most with him."

Allen started to think while he still bit his lower lip. He started to digest all the things that Kanda and Rinali said to him. He started to calm himself and think clearly about his situation. He thought about himself, Kanda, and their child. When he grabbed his situation with clear thoughts and realized that he had hurt Kanda that was expecting him to welcome him happily, he cried again while saying, "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

Rinali gave him a loose embrace as she said to Allen, "I'm sorry too for not being able with you when you're alone. I'm so very sorry Allen…"

"I could have been more considerate…"

"Well, I think that you were too depressed to do that…"

"What have I done?" Allen put his hands on his teary face. "I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

Rinali sighed deeply. "Allen, save your apologies to the person whom you need the most right now, okay?"

Allen nodded and he wiped his tears away. "Well then, I believe that you would try to talk again to Kanda?" Rinali asked. She wiped the tears that were forming in the corner of her eyes too.

Allen nodded again. Rinali patted his head with a smile and then she said, "I'll ask some finders to bring some drink for you."

"Rinali," Allen said with a hoarse voice resulted from his cry. "Thank you very much… I'm really indebted to you."

Rinali smiled broadly. "Don't worry, Allen… I just want two pieces of my world to be happy because of each other."

Allen smiled back at Rinali and said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Rinali said finally. She then walked out of his room to call some finders.

Allen sighed as he rested himself in his and Kanda's bed. He hoped that Kanda would be back to their room soon. There are so many things that he wanted to say to him, and there are so many things that he wanted to do with him. When he thought about that, he smiled. He could wait for Kanda to do the things he wanted to do. He believed that Kanda would be back soon. Or at least he believed that Kanda would be back eventually. After all, he already waited for two months, and he surely still could wait for him now.

-end chapter 11-

(A/N: geez…this chapter is relatively tough to write…we're a little bit evil leaving people hanging in the cliff for quite a long time…sorry for the rather late update! One of members is having a health problems, so there's a postpone in the update. Anyway, please do forgive us in making Allen's hormones go wild…the OOC-ness…We hope that you enjoy this chapter, and reviews make us really happy!)


	12. Into Your Arms

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: not ours, even though we want it but, nope… definitely not ours or else we would have made Kanda kiss Allen since the first time those two met. Yep, absolutely not ours…

Warning: though we tell you how stupid and OOC this chapter is, you'll still read, right?

Chapter 12 - Into Your Arms

The crowded hallway suddenly turned silent at the sight of a malevolent looking young man striding in swift pace across the said place. Kanda Yuu was surely angry and people knew it was the best for them to get as far as they could from the person in question. That was exactly what they did, and thus the crowded hallway suddenly became silent.

Kanda swore and brought his fist to the nearby wall. A loud crack was heard and the once perfect white wall now had a small cruel hole on it. He stopped and groaned, not because of the stinging pain that formed rapidly on his fist but rather because of what had he done that put him into his current mood.

He could not believe he had just yelled at Allen. He had never done that to the boy before. True, in the past he often said some harsh words and tantrums to him but never before he fought with him in that manner after they reconciled.

In desperation he brought his hand to his face and swore again. He was standing on the limit of his patience, thanks to those Commanders who had enjoyed themselves in playing with him, and Allen's first greeting at his coming back only made it worse. But he knew he wasn't supposed to yell at him. Allen too had his own share of desperation and compared to him, the boy had it worse.

Kanda blinked and suddenly his anger turned into something else. It turned into a vicious desire of giving those Commanders his revenge. After all, he did say there would be bloodshed, did he not?

He smirked. People knew there would be nothing good came from him when he was smirking callously like that. He continued his steps and after he exited the hallway, he met Rabi who had his face turned white at the sight of him.

Well, speak of the devil…

He grabbed Rabi's hand without concerning the sounds of protest the other made. He dragged him through many hallways and he could see people practically avoiding them as they passed by.

"Yuu… hold on… where are you going to take me to… no, I mean... what the hell do you want to do?" Rabi said as he was being dragged by Kanda.

"As I've said before," Kanda said in his usual tone, "There would be bloodshed. And I recall you have been willingly prearranged yourself in helping me to do this particular job."

Rabi gulped. He knew whenever Kanda spoke civilly with that kind of voice could only mean that he was terribly irritated. And he thought he knew what the cause of his anger was.

"Yuu," Rabi said. "You can't possibly want to really kill those idiots, right?"

Kanda smirked. They had arrived before the double grand doors that lead to the room where the five Commanders always sat high on their thrones.

"No," Kanda said. "I will merely give them the grace of meeting our Holy Father sooner than what it's supposed to be. Isn't that a blessing?"

After that, he kicked the door open and allowed himself to come in, with Rabi still in his grip. The angry voices of the Commanders greeted them as they made their way forward but Kanda gave no thought. He serenely walked until he stopped before the five people who were still screaming their anger at his impolite way of entering the room. With a cool expression, he listened to all the tongue thrashings like a pro and when those people had no other curse to throw to him, he raised his face in the most proud manner he could do.

"Sir, I need us to talk," he said.

"What did you just say?" one of them roared. "Who do you think you are? You cannot just trespass this room like that. Don't you know who we are and what you are?"

"I know that perfectly well, Sir, but I… do simply not give a damn," Kanda said, giving pressure to his last words. Rabi just laughed nervously beside him. Hearing that laugh, Kanda turned his face to his friend and said, "You better activate your innocence, we will need it to… complete our mission later. Who knows what fight they will do?"

"Are you just implying that you will try to kill us?" one of them said.

"No, Sir, not only that," Kanda said. "But speaking about mission reminds me of my actual reason coming to you. Sir, I appeal you giving me no mission before my child is born. I accept as true that you can arrange such thing, am I right?"

"What insolence!" they screamed one by one. "Your job as an exorcist demands you to go to any mission appointed to you!"

"And my position as a father and husband requires me to take care of my family," Kanda said.

"Your situation as our subordinate tells you to always obey us." They retorted.

"My situation as a subordinate tells me to make corrections to my employer whenever they commit felony."

"How dare you saying that we are corrupt people!" one of those five shouted in anger.

"Can I really say that, Sir?" Kanda replied. That statement made them all silent and he used that chance to speak further. "Sir, I hope I can bring our current situation into your consideration. I cannot maintain my mind well placed in my mission when I have a pregnant spouse waiting for me here. If I go to any more missions, my spouse will get depressed. How if, God forbids, his depression deepened until it reached a climax point where our child's life could no longer be saved and, worse, he himself loses his life? If such things happen, Sir, I have no other option than to ask for compensation that, forgive me for saying this, will absolutely cause a great deal of blood loss on your behalf."

"Are you saying that you will kill us if we give you another mission?" the same person who spoke first seethed in anger.

"I believe, Sir, I have never said any of that," Kanda smirked. "Directly."

"What impudence," they hissed. "Curse of the devil. You are dirtying your holy task as an exorcist by denying your mission. May The Spirit open up your mind, child and let you think more rationally."

"With all due respect, Sir, but I have a depressed pregnant spouse while you keep sending me to meaningless missions and now you demand me to be rational?" Kanda said cynically. "Forgive me for saying this but I think you are the ones who are supposed to be more rational."

"At least by doing those missions you can amend the sin you have committed!" one of those people reasoned.

"Ah, so I take, Sir, you gave me missions because in your eyes I am the one who sinned?" Kanda asked.

"You said it that you have the responsibility toward your family. It's your own fault to be allured in perpetrating such a great sin so that you now find yourself in this predicament," another one replied.

"But if I recall carefully, Sir, you were the ones agreed in bringing us together in a holy sacrament of matrimony, thus the state of my being a husband is also your deed," Kanda retorted. "Furthermore I believe we are all sinners before the eyes of God so if you, dear gentlemen, can punish my sin by assigning missions to me, I can do the very same thing by not completing those missions you assigned to me, am I right in my statement?"

Kanda really enjoyed this far better that he hoped earlier. He loved seeing how those Commanders had their face reddened in anger and he just coolly stared at them. He noticed how Rabi kept silent beside him with a little fear laced his face but he cared none of it. Why should he fear those people? They knew exactly that he was completely able to do something drastic without fearing the result; they were the ones who were supposed to fear him.

"That's a profanity!" they roared. "An exorcist must always try to complete all the missions given to him!"

"I will try, Sir, but in my current condition I cannot assure you that I will be able to keep my mind undivided about the mission regarding the pressure I have of my family's well-being," Kanda said. "Hence, I too cannot assure you the accomplishment of my missions. Concerning the sake of this organization and all human being, I consider it is best for you to comprehend my suggestion and give me no more missions before my child is born."

"And if we do not want to do as what you have suggested?" they said.

"I am afraid that I have never given you any choice, Sir," Kanda replied with his alarming voice. "You will absolutely grant my request."

Keeping his glare to the five people above him, Kanda could see they were practically having a battle in their mind of whether they would grant his request or not. They could not just use their superiority toward him because he was Kanda Yuu, and he yielded to no one, Allen excluded. And he knew that fact was well known to those people.

He smirked. His victory was drawing near.

"We need to think of accepting your words," finally one of them spoke. "Because we need your aid as an exorcist and you must realize that your missions come before everything. It's a complex matter and we believe you know that too. Can you accept that?"

Kanda visibly drew his sword from its sheath before he gave his coldest glare to those Commanders, saying, "I fear, Sir, that I too need to think of accepting your words."

Kanda nodded mockingly. Rabi was hardly trying to suppress his laughter. And those Commanders cringed on their thrones. After seemingly long time of intensified pressure, in the end Kanda could hear a sharp intake of breath coming from those people.

"Very well then, you can have it as you like!" they said. "We will give you no mission before your child is born, you can be together with your family, and you can have them all. Now just draw back your sword and go! Impudence child. May God forgive you for this!"

And Kanda did so. He drew back his sword and bowed to those people in the way that made them know he did that purely for sarcastic purpose.

"I am so glad, Sir, that finally we are on the same field of agreement," he said. "I will excuse myself now, but I have some last words to give."

With a smirk that only devil himself could muster Kanda said civilly, "No matter what you have said or done, my sentiment toward you is still standing, that is to say, the very same sentiment I held when I entered this room a while ago. Good day, gentlemen, may God always be with us."

And with no more word, he dragged Rabi out the room. He took pleasure in the angry sounds coming from the inside of the room but kept walking from there nonetheless. That day really was not that bad, he even did not need to spill any drop of blood, though if words could kill, he was sure those people must have been dead several times that day. Now, he just needed to clear things up between him and Allen.

"Good gracious, Yuu!" he heard Rabi said. "I almost thought you would surely kill those people."

"I did think about it," Kanda pondered. "That's why I dragged you so I could use your body to shield mine if those people start resisting."

At that statement Rabi's face grew extremely white. Kanda watched this in amusement and said, "It was just a joke."

"Seriously Yuu, God forgot to include the ability to joke when He created you so don't ever try to do it again," Rabi said in fear.

Kanda only shrugged but he released his grip on Rabi's wrist shortly after. The other gave him a roll of his eyes before he walked away from him, muttering about what a lovesick person he was. Kanda's face twitched at that and it was not his fault that suddenly his sword flew to Rabi's direction and only missed by a hair's breadth from the other's head who laughed merrily and ran from him.

If his hands were not so full with Allen he would have chased the other boy. However he had his more important business that he needed to clear thus he wiped away the idea of killing Rabi to the back of his mind. Allen was the most important problem now. But even as he considered over it, Kanda realized that he had no thought of what he was supposed to do to finish the problem between them.

He cursed and closed his eyes for a moment. Somehow facing Allen made him more anxious than facing those Commanders. No, anxious was not the right word. He felt… confused.

Kanda pressed his lips together and braved himself to walk to the room where he had left Allen earlier. Not knowing what to do, he glanced to the inside of the room by the crack of the door. He saw Allen was still inside and apparently the boy had been crying.

He cursed, far louder than what he intended to do. Allen seemed to notice his sound for just after that his shaky voice came from the room.

"Who is it?"

Kanda knew he had no way to run now so he opened the door and invited himself to come in. At the sight of him entering the room, Allen's breath hitched in his throat. He detected that but he acted as if he saw none of it. He approached Allen until finally he was seated in front of the boy and stared at his face more closely.

He could see streaks of dried tears on the other's face with a few of them still wet with tears that forming and falling rapidly from the corner of his eyes. He extended his hand to touch the cheek of the boy who tried in futile to avoid his gaze.

"You're crying," he merely stated, not asked, with a bitter voice.

"Am not," Allen whispered. But even as he said those words tears kept falling from his eyes.

"I was not supposed to yell at you," Kanda said remorsefully. "I've done something unforgivable."

"No, Yuu... I am the one who have done wrong to you… I mean…" Allen stuttered. "I'm sorry… I shouldn't have been angry at you earlier. I… what you said is true, I'm just being selfish… I know it wasn't your fault that your mission got prolonged, but…"

Kanda saw how Allen bit his lower lip and that teary face raised up to meet his face.

"We really missed you," he said before his face produced a bright smile. "Welcome back."

"I'm home," Kanda said before he opened his arms. He watched in thankfulness as Allen launched himself into his embrace. He too had missed the other and he was glad that they could settle their problem in such a smooth way. He was relieved that Allen could so easy forgive him. It always amazed him how Allen could always forgive him no matter what wrong he had done to the boy.

He wrapped his arms tighter around Allen's form. He noticed that so many things had changed in the other's feature during his leaving; the most noticeable part was his rounded belly. He just couldn't believe that he had left for almost two months already before coming back home.

"How far along are you now?" he asked.

"Over six month," Allen answered. "In about three months from now I should be giving birth."

Kanda thought about it for a moment then said, "I promise you that I will never leave you again until our child is born."

"No, Yuu…" Allen looked at him in uncertainty. "Don't give me promise that you cannot fulfil. I know you are an exorcist and what can assure you that you will have no mission for the period of the time you mentioned?"

"I will have no mission," Kanda smirked. "Those Commanders have said so."

Kanda saw how Allen eyeing his smirk in hidden nervousness, "You threatened them?"

Kanda decided not to answer that and instead he chose to run his fingers through Allen's long soft hair. Allen sighed at the other's silence and thought that as Kanda's way of saying 'yes'.

"Why?" he asked which made Kanda stopped running his fingers through his hair.

"Why what?" Kanda asked back.

"Why did you do it? Why did you threaten those people not to give you any mission? Why did you do such thing for me?" Allen asked timidly and Kanda sighed.

"Well, bean sprout, I know this might sound cheap but…" he made sure that Allen look straight into his eyes before saying, "I love you."

Kanda observed how Allen was stunned because of his words then he began to laugh. At first it was just a small chuckle but soon it developed into a full laugh that rocked his form that was still resided in his embrace.

"Stop laughing, I'm serious," Kanda grunted.

"No, I'm just…" Allen said between his laughter. "It's been so long since the last time you called me bean sprout and… you have never before said 'I love you' until I came to a thought that you could never say such thing."

"I still don't get it why you laugh," Kanda said.

"Oh, Yuu…" Allen smiled in sheer happiness. "Say it again."

"What? Bean sprout?" Kanda smirked.

"No, the other one!" Allen pouted which made him want to snicker.

"No," he stated firmly.

"Yuu!"

"I said no."

"You're just embarrassed, aren't you?"

"Teasing me will never work."

"You're no fun." Allen said and turned his face from him. Seeing that, Kanda turned his face back to its original position facing him and once it was done he placed his lips upon Allen's. He gave the startled boy a deep kiss that left them both panting for air when finally they ended the kiss. He saw how Allen's face flushed and his eyes widened in shock at the passionate kiss he had just received. And, enjoying all of those, he brought his face closer to the boy and whispered in his ear.

"I love you."

- end chapter 12 -

(A/N: there's storm outside, dammit, let's just hope this computer will not get a lightning strike… and so, we finally come to the twelfth chapter of Shattered Innocence... hope you like what you read and we are still expecting your reviews as always...)


	13. Calm before another Storm

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: If we own them, we would make their child appeared in D.Gray-Man

Warning: OOC-ness, fluffiness, sappiness, Mpreg-ness (?) all in one.

Chapter 13 – Calm before another Storm

People could hope, but Fate always had its own way of doing things. That fact was well known to every living people on earth, and it too applied for the people in the Central Headquarters. And they were being reminded of that crucial fact by some certain events regarding a person they fondly called Allen. After so long they had been trapped with Allen's irrational self, it was only natural if they hoped that they would have their own peace of minds again, given the fact that Kanda had already come back and got together with his spouse. They thought that with Kanda being on Allen's side, there would be no big commotion ensuing in the headquarters. They forgot that Kanda and Allen both have temperament and behavior that always made them trapped in such commotion with or without their awareness. But their blessed neglect of the matter soon came into awareness after some rather unpleasant things happened.

Indeed, they no longer had to deal with Allen's constant whining or his ridiculous demands. However, now they had to deal with not only one, but two more terrifying presence named Kanda Yuu and Cross Marian who seemed wanting to rip each other's head off since the very first time they laid eyes on one another. Cross, upon seeing the one who impregnated his student, glared icily at Kanda. And Kanda, who was not the one to back up from a challenge, glared back at him with the same intensity. The fact that Kanda was kissing Allen when Cross happened to pass on them really did nothing to help the situation.

"So, I believe you are Kanda Yuu, correct?" Cross asked, or it was much appropriate to be described as stated, with an icy tone.

"Yes," Kanda answered. "And I believe you are his master?"

"You are quite informed."

"Hn," Kanda paused before he continued. "I heard from Allen that you like to torture him in the past, Sire, can I believe that as true?"

Allen, being the one who watched them and the one who acted as the object of Kanda and Cross' conversation, gulped. He did not know what to do, and his heart pounded with fear. He loved them both, though in different ways, and seeing them confronted each other because of him made him feel guilty and yet he felt quite flattered. Still, he thought, they were not supposed to end up glaring at each other like that. The aura around them both felt very tensed and homicidal until Allen could almost see some dark clouds forming above their heads.

"Um, Yuu…" Allen said after he gained his courage to speak even when there was such heavy tension between Kanda and Cross. "It's okay, really… let's leave what's in the past, okay? So… um, please try to get along with each other…?"

Allen saw Kanda frowning at his bidding and then he faced Cross again after a few moment of silence, still with the same icy glare. When he did so, Cross was looking at Kanda with a peculiar look and he stared at him from head to toe.

"Hey, you good-for-nothing student," Allen jumped when Cross suddenly addressed him with that name. "By all the things holy, I know that you're so beautiful and girly but how, in the name of God, could you possibly be topped by a womanlike male like him?!"

Allen blushed furiously and Kanda smirked upon hearing that particular comment.

"Would you like to know, Sir?" Kanda asked with a smug face. "And maybe I can also show you how this 'womanlike male', as you have so kindly called me, actually deflowered your 'good-for-nothing student'."

Allen wanted to shout at Kanda to shut up, but before he did so, a finder called Cross. "Uh, General Cross," the finder said with trembling voice. Poor man, Allen thought, he must be scared to death talking to his master. "There's a message coming from a lady named Cecilia for you."

Cross perched up when he heard the name 'Cecilia'. She must be one of Cross' lover, Allen thought. He quickly walked away from Kanda and Allen after saying, "I will talk to you again later."

And so he left, throwing a package wrapped nicely with red wrappings and white bows in the process, which was soon caught by Allen. Allen frowned when he caught the package. There was a card stuck to the package and Allen read it.

"To my idiotic student and his imbecile spouse, this is a gift from Yuko, my lover in Japan. Make sure that Allen, as my pregnant student, wears this occasionally when he is still in his pregnancy as a tribute for Yuko's work. Ask Rinali if you did not know how to wear this gift. And Allen, I will take further actions if I see you not wearing it."

Allen's frown was getting deeper when he read the last words from Cross. He shuddered inwardly when he thought of what 'further actions' that his master meant if he didn't wear his gift, whatever thing it was. That alone was terrifying. But when he imagined what would happen if Kanda tried to protect him from Cross' 'further action', his fear was only intensified to its maximum degree.

"What do you think it is?" Kanda asked.

Allen shrugged. They took turn in guessing what the gift inside Cross' package was when they returned to their room. Their guesses were ranging from jewelry, which was soon diminished without second thought since the possibility of the Millennium Earl being a saint was higher than the possibility of Cross giving them such a precious gift, to things that could not make them asleep peacefully at night. And so, to answer their curiosity on what was actually inside the package, Allen opened the package when they were already inside their room. He opened it quite swiftly yet still with extra caution, fearing on what was waiting inside it. When he saw what was inside, he gasped.

The gift from Cross turned out to be a black clothes made out of silk. The clothes were embroidered with red butterflies, little at the top part and getting bigger at the bottom part. The clothes were accompanied with something similar like a belt, which was colored with flaming red, matched well with the butterflies' embroidery in the clothes.

His teacher was correct in guessing that he did not know how to wear those luxurious clothes. He even did not know what the clothes were called. He never knew much about clothes in Japan, and it was quite a shame for him, since his spouse was Japanese. He realized and felt that he should learn about his spouse's country more.

"Yuu, do you know the name of this type of clothes?" Allen asked.

Kanda, who kept silent when Allen opened the package, answered, "It's a yukata."

Then, Allen remembered what his teacher had said, '_I think that that Kanda of yours could appreciate something more like a…yukata_'

And Allen blushed furiously. He did not know how the clothes would look on him, but remembering his master's suggestions, he felt embarrassed without knowing exactly why. Kanda, on the other hand, seemed to be intrigued when he saw Allen's gesture at his mentioning what the clothes were called.

"Yuu," Allen said after a few moments. "You did not… cannot possibly want me to wear this… right?"

It seemed that something had finally struck Kanda and then he smirked rather evilly. "What's wrong? Do you have something against yukata?"

Allen maintained his blush. "Uh, not really…"

Kanda's expression told Allen that he didn't believe Allen's explanations. "Well then, shall I call Rinali here to help you wear that?"

"Umh, but… It seemed to be so girly and all…"

"You have already been wearing that dress for quite some time now; I don't think that it would be a matter for you to wear that," Kanda said with an exasperated look. In that statement, Allen could smell Kanda's eagerness to see him in that yukata. "I'll call Rinali now… She should be in Komui's office."

Rinali then was called and she was so excited to help Allen wearing his new yukata. Allen just grumbled when he was helped by Rinali to wear the said clothes. He did not try to resist like the first time Komui made him wear his taffeta dress. He was only resisting that time since he feared what Kanda's reaction would be, but now, since he knew that Kanda was quite eager to see him with his yukata, he felt that he shouldn't resist. Of course, his other reason to wear it was also due to his fear of Cross' 'further actions'.

After quite a long and torturous moment in Allen's behalf, Rinali was finally done in helping him with his yukata. She squealed in delight when they're done and she asked Allen to try to walk with his new yukata on.

It felt difficult for Allen to walk because the clothes, yukata - or whatever it was called - Allen thought, were quite restricting for him. He was also quite afraid that the bottom part of his clothes would fall if he tried to walk faster. Beside that, the yukata he wore has a very low décolletage that was cut on the base of his neck. It made him felt quite exposed. And for once, he really missed his dress.

Rinali ushered him to come out so Kanda could see him. He bit his lower lip and he walked out slowly. Just like when he first wore his dress, he felt uncomfortable of being seen by the outside world with girls' clothes on. It felt weird.

When he finally came out and saw Kanda, he lowered his head quickly. He felt really embarrassed with Kanda's gaze fixed on him. He felt even more embarrassed when he somehow felt that Kanda was gazing him from top to toe.

His embarrassment was intensified when Rinali asked Kanda, "What do you think? He looked so good in this, isn't he?"

Allen glanced at Kanda and he saw that Kanda just smirked proudly as a response. He blushed at seeing it.

"You're really lucky, Kanda…" Rinali sighed happily for him. "But you must be careful, there are not many roses blooming here and the male population in this headquarters would be dangerous for him, you know?"

"I'll kill anyone who tries to look wrongly at him," he said while his gaze never left Allen.

Rinali seemed to finally notice Kanda's gaze at Allen and then she said with a glee, "You looked like a wolf, Kanda..."

Kanda smirked evilly. "Is it that obvious?"

Allen's face grew redder.

"Well then, I'll leave you both…" Rinali smiled. "Have fun!"

"Hn." Was the only response Rinali get. Allen felt somewhat anxious beneath Kanda's gaze after Rinali had left.

"Now, Allen… will you be a good boy and come to me?" Kanda said with a somewhat breathy voice that Allen found so sexy.

And who was he to refuse his spouse? Allen thought with an inward smirk as he walked to Kanda's embrace.

Not long after, Allen, now being in his new yukata, walked through the headquarters with Kanda by his side. And he was just too cute and beautiful for his own good. Just like Cross said, it put his 'utmost sensuality' out.

So, the people in the headquarters had to face quite a chaos with that fact. They could not resist giving a glance to Allen, but Kanda was just too possessive. Everyone who dared to glance at him in a wrong way with a wrong desire was met by a fierce glare that promised sudden death to the people who dared to go against it. Initially, it was actually worse than that. Allen could only shudder in fear when he remembered how his spouse almost spilled blood literary in the headquarters just because there was one stupid guy who touched his cheek. With a lot of persuasion, he was able to prevent the killing from taking place and Kanda was now settled with just glaring at anyone who came upon them with some perverted glint in their eyes, even Komui became one of his victims in this matter.

But that was not the only event that was ensued in the headquarters. Allen, being someone pregnant, started to crave for foods when Kanda was in the mission. Usually the finders who were at task to take care of Allen also managed to fulfill Allen's craving. But now, not long after Kanda arrived, he was the one who was going to fulfill Allen's craving. It was all started a week after Kanda's birthday.

Allen wanted to surprise Kanda for his birthday on the 6th of June. With that in mind, he slipped out of bed in the morning to prepare his present. He already had something in his mind on what to give for his dark-haired spouse. And thus to carry out his plan he had to wake up really early before Kanda, not a hard task to do, though, given the fact that Kanda was never really a morning person himself. True, during the first trimester of his pregnancy Allen always found Kanda wake up so early to help him facing his morning sickness, something that always reminded him how adorably sweet his husband was, but as for now he had already gone beyond that excruciating moments, Kanda could have his mornings back. And when Kanda did wake up early, like what he found that morning, he would still be much disorientated that nothing good could come out from him.

"I'll accompany you out," Kanda said with a sleepy tone when Allen was still dressing up.

Allen smiled at Kanda's concern. He approached him and kissed him softly. "I'll be okay," he said. "No one would dare to do something towards me, since they knew you would really kill them if they dare to do it."

"Where are you going?"

"Kitchen."

"Craving?" Kanda slurred with half-lidded eyes

Allen chuckled in seeing his husband failing attempt to keep being awake, "Not really."

Kanda stared at him. And then, he stuffed his head back to his pillow. "I'll be there in 30 minutes."

Allen told himself that 30 minutes was enough for cooking a bowl of soba, so he smiled at Kanda and said, "I'll be waiting there."

Kanda nodded. Allen quickly went to the kitchen then he rushed anyone he could spot to help him preparing Kanda's present in the form of a bowl of soba, his spouse's favorite food. He never before prepared a meal for someone with so much passion like he did that time and when he saw the result of his job, he beamed in delight. It was perfection.

Thankfully, Kanda came to the kitchen not long after it was finished and still steaming hot. He frowned when he saw Allen behind the kitchen counter, wearing his usual 'evil-frilly-pink' apron. Allen saw Kanda's gaze linger appreciatively on his new feature before asking, "What are you doing there, Allen?"

"I'm cooking."

"For?"

Allen smiled and brought a tray with his cooking on it. "It's for you, Yuu!" he said happily. "Happy birthday!"

Kanda's eyes widened momentarily. Allen almost laughed at his shocked expression but he managed not to do it.

He then saw Kanda flashed his rare smile and he couldn't help to grin widely. "Thank you," Allen heard Kanda say softly to him. "I never thought that my birthday would be this meaningful for me."

Allen blushed. He felt his heart fluttering with butterflies upon hearing Kanda's words.

After a moment or so, he followed Kanda to the canteen, hanging his apron in the kitchen wall on his way. When he was sitting in front of Kanda, the long haired man was eating the soba with enthusiasm. It was rather endearing to see Kanda, who usually was acting with a cool demeanor, eating his cooking with enthusiasm that he rarely showed. He felt that cooking soba for Kanda was an accurate choice for his birthday present.

"How does it taste?" Allen said timidly.

Kanda answered with his soft gaze, "It's good."

Allen grinned widely, not trying to conceal his happiness. He said, "Well then, I'll cook for you whenever I have time."

"I'll look forward for it."

And so, Allen started to cook just for Kanda. It was a privilege he only let his husband to have and it made almost all the male population in the headquarters more jealous at Kanda for seeing their idol was so intimate with him.

But that condition didn't last too long. It became a taste of hell for Kanda when one day Allen said to Kanda, "Yuu… I have been cooking for you for almost a week, but I never taste your cooking…. Could you cook for me and our child?"

Kanda raised an eyebrow but he complied anyway. He refused to wear an apron though; Jerry was not the one who could stand his glare when he refused to wear it. He never knew that his single time of cooking would lead to a condition far greater than hell.

"Yuu!!!" Allen shouted after his umpteenth serve of soba. He saw Kanda looked at him with an exhausted look, but he still came and asked, "What is it?" nevertheless. Allen felt guilty upon seeing Kanda like that, but it felt like his craving had won over his guilt, and so, he stated his request with his 'I really love you so I need you to do something' look. "Yuu… please make some soba again for me and our child?"

Kanda fell silent for a while, and Allen just guessed that he was doing it to pull back all of his patience. And then he rose from his seat and said, "Okay, please wait."

Allen then smiled and hummed to himself as he waited outside the kitchen for Kanda. He tried to plug his ears when he heard Kanda shouted some nasty things to Jerry and the other workers in the kitchen. He smiled even wider when he saw Kanda's various expressions when he cooked soba for him.

That sweet smile was maintained when he saw another bowl of soba served before him. He was not sure on how many bowls had he asked already, but he also didn't care. What was important right now is his and their child needs, and also that the soba was made by Kanda. And then, when he saw Kanda was also happy when he saw Allen happy, other people seemed did not matter.

From that point on, Allen always asked for Kanda to cook for him, even if it was on the dead of the night. Kanda seemed to finally conclude that it was a part of Allen's craving. Unfortunately for the people working in the kitchen, Kanda almost always included them as the assistants for his cooking, especially Jerry. And having to be awakened in the middle of the night with a maniac-looking young man forcing them to help him cook for his beloved spouse was annoying them to the very last bit.

Even though both of them were almost thorough in making events at the headquarters, most of them making chaos, for Allen it was all his share of peaceful and happy time with Kanda. That was the first time he had someone to share his pasts. He shared on how his biological parents had abandoned him, how he first activated his innocence, how his heart was broken because of Mana's death, how he survived living with Cross, how he finally came to the headquarters, and all the things that had happened in his live that he never told anyone before.

And he now also had someone who was willing to share his past without restraint. He heard Kanda's story with empathy when he told him how happy he was at first with his family, how he wanted revenge to the man who was responsible for his family's assassination, how he first felt when he came to the headquarters, even things that Allen was sure the other had never spoken of about, he heard Kanda told him those.

They both were content with each other telling stories about themselves. They were comforting each other, encouraging each other, and loving each other while waiting for their baby's arrival. It was similar to a piece of heaven itself for Allen. Never did he would guess that he would be this happy in his lifetime.

For once he could share all his feelings and all of his past to someone he could trust and be trusted for. For once he did not give a thought about how other people would think about them. For once he did not think about what did his and Kanda's act could bring. For once he tried to forget that there would be a time when he and Kanda could not do this again.

Because if he thought about it, he would become depressed. That was his only chance at being pregnant and that was his only chance to become a real parent. There would be no other time. He would like to wish the time to freeze at those happy moments, when he saw Kanda's soft gaze as he put his palm on his belly to feel their child moving inside it. Allen did not wish for that though, because if it came true, then he couldn't see his and Kanda's child being born.

But then again, when she was born, he didn't know if he would ever see their child again. He felt sorrow welling in his chest if he thought about the fact that the headquarters would took their baby away. He felt saddened when he thought that he would not have the quality time to take care of their baby. He knew that it would be hard to take care of a baby in the headquarters, yet he still wanted their baby to be taken care by him and Kanda.

Even though Allen covered it up outside, it seemed like that those thoughts were rotting him inside slowly. Kanda noticed it, but he managed to distract him every time he asked Allen on what was wrong. He felt a bit guilty to make it a secret from his spouse, but he did not want Kanda to worry about him. However, it seemed like it was still too much for him to handle, and his health condition decreased slightly, but surely every day.

Allen did not think about it as a threat to his pregnancy, but he learned about it in a hard way. That fated night on 12th of July, it felt like something was beginning to feel restless in his stomach. It made Allen feel so much pain that he did not think about lowering his voice to hide his pain like he normally did. Kanda who was sleeping beside him at that moment woke up instantly and started to look very anxious.

"Allen," he said with a worried tone. "What is it?"

"Yuu…" Allen barely said from his gritted teeth. "I… it hurts… I…"

He stopped to release a short groan of pain. He had an idea of what might be the cause of his pain, but it couldn't be…

"I... think that our child… is coming now…" he finally finished his sentence.

Kanda's face expressed his growing panic and he asked again while he started to carry Allen in his arm, "Are you sure? It's not the time yet..."

Allen nodded weakly, not sure of what he could do otherwise. Kanda bit his lip and he strode faster, but still gently enough not to hurt Allen. He shouted in front of the doctor's room and at that moment Allen could not think again. All he could think was if he was going to die, would he succeed in delivering their child, and would he saw their child's beautiful feature. And all he could feel was pain, surging all over his body from its central point on his lower abdomen. And all he could wonder was how could all of mothers in the earth endure such pain to deliver their babies.

At that time, he really wanted to meet his mother. He wanted to say his gratitude and he also wanted to ask her if she also felt that way when she was going to deliver him. He almost forgot that his mother had thrown him away when he was still a little baby. After all, he thought amidst his pain. He too would throw away his child after she was born.

Allen wanted to scream, he wanted to end that all, he wanted to do something at least to make the pain go away. But he knew that he had to endure. He had to endure for Kanda, for all of his friends, for all the people in the world that was being tormented with the Akuma's presence, and he also had to endure for himself. With that in his mind, he tried his best to muster up his courage and his strength when the people around him that he hazily identified as his friends shouting for emergency.

And he finally raised his gaze enough to meet Kanda's eyes.

"Yuu…" he said with his weak voice, ignoring Kanda protests to him to save his energy. "Please… tell me about our child's face… will you? They would… they would take our child… away… after this… And so… please tell me about… our child…. I will deliver our child… safely … please… wait patiently for our child, okay?"

After that, he almost did not know on what exactly happened. All he focused on his mind was the pain, the child and how he would strife with all his power to bring his baby to the world. Nothing else than that mattered, Allen thought, and even death seemed like an inconsequential matter then.

-end chap 13-

(A/N: stupid… right… we know it (sigh) so, do we still have the honor of receiving some reviews, please?? We're a bit deranged now, given the fact that we've been doing nothing in this full week holiday we're currently having (meh) true, of you count daydreaming and fangirling as 'something' then we've been being very productive… yeah… so… review?? We've given you Allen in yukata and Cross-Kanda tension and even Kanda cooking! Surely a review or more won't hurt you, ne?)


	14. In the Darkness of the Night

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: ours with an added negation attached to it

Warning: diabetes people, behold, there's too much sugar here so back off for your own good!

Chapter 14 - In the Darkness of the Night

Kanda Yuu hardly ever found himself in any state of anxiety that was even near equal compared with what he had that time. He never went well with anxiety since in his opinion showing it would only mean revealing the person's incompetence in dealing with emotions. But that time, he condemned all those to hell. He could only swear in his mind as he held Allen's palm gently with his own two. The boy's silent cries of pain only made his anxiety grow even greater and he just could not understand why the doctor took so long just to examine him.

He gazed through the room. He was not the only one who felt restless. He could see Rinali biting her nails; Komui hugged her from behind as if to strengthen her. Rabi nervously played with his scarf, River made clank-clank sounds with his boots, Crowley silently rubbed his palms together in fretfulness, Miranda bit her lower lip as she wiped the sweat that covered Allen's face, even Cross looked homicidal which he thought as the man's way to show worry. They all had come as fast as they could after they heard the news that Allen was going to give birth. And now they were gathering around Allen's bed, doing anything they could to ease Allen's pain - which meant nearly nothing.

Kanda breathed out. He then stared at the doctor who was still busying himself with checking Allen's condition though Kanda thought that it was too obvious the boy was deep in pain so what was the need of checking him again? Just why couldn't the doctor just do something… anything?

"Okay, then, it seems fine, don't worry," the doctor smiled reassuringly at Allen before he said to the other occupants of the room. "Could one of you assist me in delivering the baby?"

"I can do it, I've been a midwife's assistant before," Miranda appointed herself.

"Very good, now…" he stared specifically at Kanda. "I believe you're the husband. I need your approval for the surgery I have to perform on this boy to deliver the baby. It might be risky, given the fact that the birth is premature but I'll try to do my best."

Kanda blinked then held Allen's palm a bit harder, "Before that may I ask a question?"

"I'm at your service, Sir," the doctor said politely.

Kanda stared at him, "Why is he going to give birth now? He's supposed to be giving birth in a good one month and a half from now!"

The doctor sighed, "Well, I believe his depressed state has done this to him. I thought that he might have been undergone such a really discouraging state in the beginning of his pregnancy, am I correct?"

Kanda was silent. All the rest of the people in that room too chose not to answer that. Their minds worked in the same way. They knew what had made Allen so depressed, or at least a part of his reasons to be depressed. And among them, Kanda was the one who felt the most uneasy due to his comprehension. So that was it, Kanda thought bitterly, once again he had hurt Allen without him realizing it.

"Go and do your job then but if you make any mistake, I'll ask for your compensation," he finally said to the doctor but his eyes were not threatening, instead they were pleading for Allen's safety.

"Yes, Sir," the doctor smiled and turned his attention back to all the people inside the room, "I want all of you else than that one lady who is to assist me out of this room. I need to keep this room hygienic. Bring me some clean towels, a basin of hot boiled water, and could somebody give me some chloroform? I need that fast!"

All the people then rushed to retrieve the doctor's wanted articles, all of them, except Kanda who remained in his position on Allen's side. He kept holding Allen's palm in his and tried his best to calm the boy, who by then had already possessed tears forming in his eyes. It seemed the pain had increased but he saw Allen trying very hard to conceal it. Seeing all those, Kanda could only hope that they would soon treat Allen so that he had his pain gone away or at last lessened.

He felt a touch and saw the doctor with a white rag wetted with chloroform smiling at him, reassuring him and gesturing him to wait outside. Allen was insistent on keeping him by his side at first but he gave one last kiss to the boy's forehead before he comforted him that it would be okay. He promised him that he would be there when he opened his eyes and after finally Allen was rest assured he exited the room.

Outside, he met the anxious faces of his companion. Rinali was reciting her prayer nervously with a silver rosary in her hand. Komui just stared downward, missing his dose of caffeine already. Rabi was poking at the fresh bandages that were wrapping up his arm. He could spot neither Cross nor Crowley but he knew they were somewhere near him. Miranda was nowhere to be seen since she was inside, assisting the doctor. That woman was the best he could hope to help and he was pretty content in his faith on her.

Leaning against the wall, Kanda released the breath he had so long been holding. He could only wait now but as the hours dragged slowly, he began to get uneasy. He bit his lips and stared at the closed doors, thinking of just yanking the door open and entering the room just to see that Allen was still fine…

"Want some?"

He was startled at the sound speaking to him. He turned his face and met the sight of Cross Marian handing him a bottle. A sweet smell of alcohol greeted his nose and made his face scrunched.

"You really try to give me brandy in this kind of time?" he stared in disapproval.

Cross only shrugged, "It might help for handling with nervousness."

Kanda was silent but he took the bottle and gave himself three large gulps. The burning liquid passed down his throat and he sighed in content. Cross was right, he thought, it helped a lot. And several hours from that time, Kanda noticed that all of them, even Rinali, had taken at least one decent gulp of the drink. It was already past midnight by then. All of them had gone from the state of nervous a few miles back and was now in pursuit of the state of insanely rabid anxiety. It had been nearly a good deal of four hours since they left the room and still there was no report coming to them about Allen's current condition.

Kanda's face darkened as the time struck 2 a.m. He knew that birthing process could take a very long time, at least from what he had heard it was possible to last even for days. How could he be content in waiting for days he did not know. He just assumed that if there was still no news on Allen's or their baby's condition right away, someone in the headquarters might get killed because worry had never settled well with him.

Just when Kanda was almost sure that there must be something going wrong with Allen, the door was slowly opened. He almost jumped when he heard a baby's cry from inside the room piercing the darkness night. Was it his and Allen's baby? His heart pounded uncertainly and he felt restless.

Miranda's feature came from the inside of the room not long after he heard the cry for the first time. All of the people gathering in front of the door had their feet in reflex walk to the said woman, wanting an explanation. Kanda was a bit shaken at the sight of blood on the woman's front dress but he approached her nonetheless.

Miranda smiled, "It's a girl."

At first there was nothing. And then suddenly Rabi cursed loudly in happiness which broke the tension immediately. Rinali jumped in joy and hugged Komui and Crowley very tightly. Cross only snorted in relief and River shouted to release the stresses he had in him during the waiting. Kanda could do nothing. He just breathed and tried to grasp the information. It was a girl. He had become a father now for real and he had a daughter, their baby daughter, his and Allen's.

And after that, he exhaled in relief. They had done this, he thought, they had succeeded.

"And how about them?" Komui asked Miranda in his professional tone. "I mean the baby and the mother."

"They're both fine. She's so beautiful and healthy, five pounds and two ounces is a rather small weight but otherwise, she's perfect. Her lungs and heart are in good condition," Miranda explained. "However, there are some issues for Allen."

Hearing that, Kanda frowned.

Miranda sighed, "He had some bleedings during the process. Don't worry, we have taken care of that now, but he has lost a great deal of blood and is now very tired and weak."

"How much?" Kanda found himself asking.

"Too much," Miranda admitted. "But he managed to survive though barely. I confess, I almost thought he would never make it. But it's fine now."

Kanda was still had his worries in his heart but when Miranda stepped forward and gave him a smile while holding his two hands saying, "Congratulation, you are now a father," he could not help but gave her one of his softest gaze.

"Thank you," he said. "May I see them?"

"Yes, of course, I believe the doctor had finished cleaning them up by now," she said while opening the door wider. "Coming in?"

He did not need more word. His feet brought him entering the room. He saw Allen was still deep asleep in the bed and the doctor was standing beside him, a little warm bundle of blanket was in his hands. At the sight of him entering the room, the doctor smiled and before he knew it, the bundle was handed to him. He stared downward and his little daughter's face was staring back at him.

She was beautiful, that was the first thought that came to his mind. She inherited his hair and façade, Kanda observed, but her eyes were grey, so much like Allen's clear eyes which he loved so much. She was beautiful, Kanda thought, and she was his; his daughter, his treasure, his precious one.

"Congratulation," the doctor said much to his shock since he was so absorbed in adoring that little baby he held so tenderly in his arms. He raised his face, meeting the sight of the smiling doctor's face as the older man said, "She is a really beautiful and healthy baby. I initially thought that there would be some problems with her since she came sooner than what it's supposed to be but thankfully there's none."

Kanda nodded; the girl - Lucy, he added slowly in his mind - indeed looked so well, "And how about Allen?"

"He just needs his rest to return his power, but I have to warn you not to let him be under any type of stress in these recent times, that might be the worst for him," the doctor said. "But he's a strong boy, he'll make it. By the way, out of curiosity, have you decided on her name?"

"Yes," Kanda said. "She will be named Lucina Maya after her aunt."

"That's a beautiful name, I'll make sure to attend her sacrament of baptism," the doctor smiled. "Take care of them, will you, especially that boy. He has been through a lot and currently he's not in any of his good conditions."

Kanda silently pledged himself to take care of Allen more regarding his current weakness, but his mind was soon disturbed by the coming of his friends to the room. He let them have a look at his newborn baby girl and all of them agreed that she was the most beautiful baby they had ever seen. Each of them had his and her turn to hold Lucy for a little while, adoring the little girl in the process. Rabi said something about Allen would be furious when he woke up since the baby really resembled Kanda in most of her appearance and there was near to nothing she inherited from Allen, her eyes might be the only part she had from her mother. Kanda only snorted at that and he saw Lucy slowly closing her eyes as if she was tired of being everyone's centre of attention.

He took the little baby back into his arms. With a pride only a father could acquire Kanda put the baby to Allen's side after all of them had enjoyed themselves in admiring over the little girl. The baby soon fell to sleep beside her mother, the two of them made a perfect image for everyone's eyes.

The day was dated the thirteenth of July and the time 02.23 a.m. when they recorded the birth of the daughter of Kanda Yuu and Allen. Cross was personally leading them in giving the first pray for the baby though with a little grunt after Kanda asked him to. After all he was Allen's master, Kanda thought, so he was the most appropriate person to do the job.

It was already nearing dawn when finally they took departing to their own respective rooms. All of them but Kanda who resumed his place back on Allen's side, watching him and their daughter as the two was sleeping peacefully. He wanted to be on Allen's side when he first opened his eyes and after all, he thought, this was his place, with Allen and their daughter, with his family.

Kanda did not know what had made him wide awake for the entire night. He did not feel sleepy at all. He just stared with the softest gaze he allowed to appear on his face all the night long. He even did not feel any bit tired when the first ray of the sun came peeking from the curtained window and Allen slowly opened his eyes.

He saw the boy blinking his eyes, trying to focus his sight. The sedative seemed begin to wear off for he saw Allen winced which he assumed must come from the pain of his new fresh wound on his abdomen. He saw Allen turning his face to his direction and after their gaze met, he saw him smile.

"You're here," Allen said. His voice was so weak that it came just a little above whisper.

"I am," Kanda said. "Glad that you finally decided to wake up, you've slept so long."

Allen said nothing to that because that time his eyes caught the sight of the little baby girl who was still asleep beside him on the side of his pillow. His eyes widened at the sight before they gazed back to Kanda who spoke nothing but extended his hands to gather the little baby into his arms. He helped Allen to sit on his bed and after that was done he put the baby into Allen's waiting hands, watching him as he touched the soft pinkish skin of their daughter in pure happiness.

"Allen Walker Kanda," he said. "Meet your daughter, Lucina Maya Kanda."

"Oh God…" Allen whispered in veneration. "Oh God… is this true…"

"It is," Kanda said. He adjusted his position so now he sat really close to Allen. He wrapped one of his arms across Allen's shoulders, embracing him and their little Lucy as he spoke, "She's our little Lucy."

"Our little Lucy," Allen repeated those words with a smile. That smile was still on his lips when he looked into Kanda's eyes so deep that those grey eyes seemed impossible to fathom, "I've told you it's a girl."

"Yes, your instinct is correct," Kanda said. "She's really beautiful."

"She looks like you," Allen whispered. Softly he touched his nose to the baby's face. She only squirmed without any sign of waking up soon. "I'm so glad that I'm still able to see her face before they take her away from us…"

Hearing that, Kanda inwardly tightened his embrace on Allen's body. "Could we not speak about it for now?" he said. He did not want to bring that depressing topic now, not with them being so happy with the birth of their child. He wanted Allen to feel nothing but happiness for that little time they had together with their child. He did not want Allen to remember the certain fact that they would have to be parted from their daughter eventually. He did not want Allen to be depressed over that.

"But we still need to face it, either we like it or not," Allen sighed but his smile was still on his face. "But I'm glad, Yuu… I'm happy enough, I really am… I can be married to you, I can have your child, all those were unimaginable to me in the past, but now, I feel that I will never want to have the otherwise. I love you, Yuu, and I know you love me too and also our child. It's enough, Yuu, I'm happy with it."

Kanda ran his fingers through Allen's hair like so many times before he had done and whispered, "Thank you."

It might sound strange to anyone else why Kanda said 'thank you' that time but Kanda knew that Allen understood. He didn't mean to thank Allen who had given him the baby; it was far more complicated than that. He thanked for being able to love him and be loved back. He thanked for having a chance to have someone to cherish, someone to protect, someone to lean on to. He thanked for experiencing those all he had with Allen. Who might guess that their mission together would bring them this far? And when Kanda remembered the snowy land and the battle they had for seemingly a decade back, he could not help but thank whatever God up there that He had met him with the boy he had in his arms that time.

The sun rose higher. A new morning had broken with all the things began to wake up for work. They could hear the rushing sound from the outside of their room coming from the people walking to do their particular job. But they did not move from their position, not even just to raise the curtains up or open the window. They were content in each other's presence and none had the need to come out from the warmth they both felt that time.

In his bliss Kanda Yuu took the liberty to tilt Allen's face and gave the boy a gentle kiss on his forehead. He secured his palm on the back of Allen's head as he drew their face nearer until their forehead touched. Gazing into those clear grey eyes, he sighed. For once, he felt the wave of sleep alluring him to the realm of dream and then he closed his eyes, feeling really satisfied and glad because finally he felt there was a meaning of his life.

Because finally, his life was not his alone.

- end chapter 14 -

(A/N: muhu… this is what you'll get if you try to write a fic while reading your textbook of Artificial Intelligence. But that's not the most important point now, right? You know the point… read, review, something like that XD so, please do review1 hope you have a god reading and see you next chapter!)


	15. Master

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: yeah right… you're not stupid enough to think D.Gray-Man is ours, right? If we indeed own it, why do we have to make fanfiction?

Warning: is yaoi even something to be warned about?

Chapter 15 - Master

The gentle ray of the morning sun shone brightly through the high paneled window on the chapel's walls that day. It illuminated the altar on which Kanda Yuu stood with Allen on his side and their little daughter in the said person's arms. Before them stood a priest who in time being was busying himself in reciting his rite. Seeing that, Kanda could not help his mind from replying the scene of his marriage with Allen that took place on that exact same spot some preceding month from that time. And now, he was back there, on the altar, with the same Allen beside him and he was sure the priest was also the same, but they had their Lucy that time.

The said little baby girl was now yawning slightly in Allen's arms, as if she was bored with this long sacrament. To tell the truth, Kanda too felt really bored and he could only wonder how Allen felt that time. The boy did not have the power to walk for a long time yet and he knew they had been standing for quite a time now.

Finally Kanda saw the priest blessed their baby. The holy water was sprinkled over her and she only made a soft amused sound as those droplets of water hit her face. It was finally over. That day, a week after her birth, their child was christened Lucina Maya with Rabi and Rinali as her godparents. He saw Allen kiss their baby and he could not find any sight to describe happiness which was better than what he saw that time.

All of their closest friends had spared their precious time to actually attend the sacrament and even the doctor fulfilled his promise to be there. They showered Lucy with kisses, presents, and so much love. Rabi and Rinali gave a soft white silk scarf for Lucy as their present. Even Cross actually gave the little girl a soft peck on her cheek and placed a rosary made of amethysts and diamonds between her little hands - at this Komui screamed and knelt on the altar, claiming that Apocalypse was near for Cross would never give such a precious gift to anyone. The rest of them, Cross excluded, only laughed and soon enough, Komui experienced the mighty blow of Cross' hammer on his head. Kanda was so amazed in seeing all the love they gave to Lucy. It seemed even in her early age Lucy had got all the people's attention and affection for her.

He was content at being there for a longer time but he knew Allen was exhausted after that long of a sacrament even though the boy kept his good manners and said none of his discomfort. Therefore he brought Allen to their room as soon as the sacrament was over and all of their friends had given their presents to their baby girl. He could see that Allen was tired but he was smiling contentedly.

"She's legally ours now, before the cross and the country," Allen said to him when he had settled on their bed as if explaining why he looked so happy.

"She is and will always be ours," Kanda said. He sat beside Allen and touched their baby's cheek but his eyes were quickly back to gaze at Allen's face. He could see how pale the other was. "Are you feeling sick?"

Allen shook his head, "Not really, just feel a bit faint. I can still manage."

"Don't push yourself," Kanda frowned. "Sleep for now, this day has been hard for you."

"That sounds fine…" Allen said tiredly. "I think I'll sleep for now. Yuu… can you please put Lucy to her cradle?"

He took their baby from Allen's stretched arms but rather than putting her instantly to her cradle like what Allen had asked him to do, he held her before his chest as he saw Allen slowly drifting off to sleep. In a less time than five minutes the boy had been deep asleep and he smiled a little at the sight.

"Look how peaceful your mother looks when he's asleep," he whispered to his baby girl. She only yawned as her answer and Kanda kissed her on her forehead after seeing that. He knew that having Lucy was one of the greatest bless he had so far and that time he was reminded to the fact again.

Finally put Lucy in her cradle, Kanda then thought of going out of their room to let Allen have his rest. He did so, and once he set his feet outside the door, he met the face of general Cross Marian right before his eyes. It seemed the man was about to come to their room.

"Sir," he greeted him. "Do you want to see Allen? If that so, please excuse my rudeness but you may leave since he's having his rest now."

"No, I'd rather say I want to meet you," Cross said.

"Ah," Kanda said. No matter how many times had he talked with Cross, he still felt a little bit uneasy around the said man. "May I know what the problem is?"

"It's regarding your daughter," Cross said in silent anger. "Those bastards of Commanders told me that they would take her away tomorrow."

Hearing that, Kanda was silent but he had his heart flaming with rage. He knew that they would take Lucy away eventually but why must they take her that time? They could not do this, he thought, taking Lucy when Allen's condition was still so weak. He remembered how the doctor specially asked him not to let Allen be under any type of stress. If Allen heard about the news, he did not dare to imagine what would happen to the boy.

He blinked slowly, trying to remain indifferent. He knew he must control his emotion since nothing good might happen if he just unleashed his anger. Well, Kanda thought, actually if he managed to kill those Commanders when he unleashed his anger, there might be something good happen.

"I thank you for the news, Sir, now if you excuse me, I have something to do," Kanda said and bowed politely to Cross before he managed to walk away from him. He could not walk for far, though, for Cross suddenly grabbed his arms and clutched at it tightly until he felt that his blood circulation being cut off.

"Where are you going?" Cross hissed and stared at him with cold glare. "Are you just going to mope and cry and run from reality?"

Kanda glared back at the man and said, "With all due respect, Sir, but I'm not that low. Now if you care to release me, I'm just about to go to those Commanders' room to ask them tamper with their former decision."

"Meaning you'll lick their boots?" Cross asked.

"Meaning I'll force them to a painful death if they do not want to do what I want," Kanda corrected him.

"Well then, I am terribly sorry for I cannot let you do such thing…" Kanda was about to retort Cross' statement when the other continued with a devilish smirk, "… alone."

"Sir?" Kanda questioned. Did that man mean…

He had no time for thinking, though since shortly after he felt Cross pushing him to walk across many hallways. He knew the way lead into the Commanders' room and his suspicion was proved instantly. In no time they had stood before the double grand doors of those Commanders' room and Cross turned his face to him.

"Do you think that I will let you have the fun of making those idiot people experience hell alone?" Cross snorted. "Share the fun!"

Just that and then the man kicked the doors open so much like what Kanda had done in advance when he came demanding them giving him no mission. He snickered at that, now maybe there was something in common between him and that bloodcurdling man Allen fondly called master.

"Good day, gentlemen! My, aren't you all bored sitting there all day?" Cross yelled as soon as they entered the room. Kanda could see that those Commanders visibly flinched at the sight of General Cross Marian entering the room, especially when they saw him on his side. If he was to speak about bad reputation, Kanda was sure there was none in the headquarters that could match theirs.

"General Cross Marian… and Kanda Yuu," said one of them, "What do we owe the pleasure of this coming?"

"The pleasure? Oh, believe me, the pleasure is all ours, dear Sir," Cross said. "The pleasure to take away your live, that is."

"Ah," one of them said. "Is this about our intention of taking that child away?"

"I am so amazed, Sir, that you can think correctly for until this time I still take as true that your brains have all been dysfunctional," Cross said in forged amazement. "Miracles do exist it seems."

Kanda smirked at that but it seemed those Commanders were not too happy with Cross' statement. He could not understand why they were so angry over the spoken truth.

"We believe we have said this certain thing from so long ago, isn't that correct, Kanda Yuu?" they said.

Kanda raised his face upward, "Well, Sir, I do recall you said something about taking my child away but you never specified the time thus it is acceptable if now we demand you to delay the process."

"It is the best for the child to be taken away as soon as possible," they said.

"And what is the reason of that?" Cross asked. "In my vision you just look like some jealous people who cannot bear to see someone else's happiness."

"Such thing is not your right to say!" one of them roared in anger. "We just think of the best way for everyone. Rising a baby in the headquarters is impossible, not to mention that the child has parents that are… not usual in any way…"

"And how do you know it's impossible? Don't tell me that you've tried it sometimes ago with your bastard of a child and failed!" Cross snorted. "My, do I feel pity toward that poor child of yours…"

"Who ever said something like that?" they shouted in anger before turning their eyes to Kanda, who stared back at them arrogantly. "You have agreed on having your child taken away from you!"

"Have I, Sir?" Kanda said cynically, "In my memory, it was only you ordered us without concerning what our approval is."

"But you must agree that it's the best for your child," they reasoned.

"Yes, Sir, I do but I think it will be lot better if you do that not in these recent times for - I need to inform you - my spouse's condition is not facilitating him to bear any more depressing situation and I believe being separated from our daughter can be referred as a depressing situation," Kanda said. "Therefore, Sir, I demand - please note that I don't merely ask but demand - you not to carry out your plan of taking our daughter tomorrow or I'll have you answer to me."

He gave those people a meaningful glare that spelled death in full capital. Cross seemed amused on his side after hearing his words.

"Now, Sir, he might be happy with just that but I'm not," Cross said to those five people. "I'd say you'll give us time or I'll destroy this headquarters with this man who has claimed my brainless disciple as his spouse, killing you in the process then run and live happily ever after. Nice plan, right?"

"That's a rebellion!" they shouted.

"I know that already, thank you, I'm not some inane person like you are. But do you think such small thing can affect me?" Cross said. "So, dear Sir, if you want your live to be saved, five years is fine."

"It's too long, we cannot…"

"Fine then, maybe three years," Cross said, holding his hammer in his right hand and smiled in a way that could make devil shrank back in embarrassment.

"A month is…"

"Hey, boy, do you feel like slicing some filthy body of foolhardy things in the form of those Commanders now?" the hammer was now swinging in a very dangerous motion.

"One year!" they roared. "That's the best we can give you so please, dear gentlemen, be wise and preserve your anger for your true enemies. We'll give you a year and we cannot give you more!"

"Funny, for I think you're our utmost enemies," Cross smirked. "But I'll let it pass for now. One year you gave us, one year we shall enjoy. If you dare to interfere during the time you've mentioned, I'll have you die a painful death. Kanda, now be a good gentleman and thank those men who have granted you one full year, will you?"

"I think, Sir, my not killing them have showed my gratitude," Kanda smirked at those Commanders.

"Good point," Cross smirked too. "Now that our problem is finished, we shall take our leave. Good day to you all and good bye!"

And as abruptly as how they entered the room, Kanda and Cross exited it without concerning if those people still had something to say to them. They could not do anything to them, Kanda knew it. He was serious when he said those people would experience painful death if they did not agree to his condition, and he knew Cross was far more than just serious with his saying of killing them.

He stared at the man who was beside him as they walked away from those Commanders' room they had valiantly entered. He could see that the man loved Allen in his own way though he always showed it with bloody intention of murder. He smirked, now he knew how Allen could manage to settle well with his bad temperament.

"I think I shall thank you, Sir, in our behalf," Kanda said with a little nod to show the other his respect. "We greatly appreciate your doing."

"I didn't do that for you, child, don't be so proud of yourself," Cross said. "I just hate to see those people doing anything they think they can do. Those higher-ups always annoy me… and though I have accepted you to be my student's spouse, I will be more than delighted to end your life if you ever try to make that stupid disciple of mine experience sorrow again. Is that clear?"

Kanda smirked, "Very."

Cross matched his smirk, "Impressive."

Then with no more word, Kanda saw the man walking away from him. He saw the back that was retreating further from the place where he stood and for once, he felt respect to the man. Allen would be delighted if he knew the thing his master had bravely done for his sake, no mater how the man tried to say it wasn't so. For once he felt relaxed because there were so many people around them, their friends, who would always support them and helped them go through everything.

Friends, he thought in somewhat bemused way, since when did he feel content with the concept of friends anyway?

His feet brought him back to the room in which Allen still slept soundlessly with his mind busy thinking in his head. Without him knowing it, Allen had changed him. In the past, he would've never thought of anyone apart from himself. But Allen had daringly entered his life and changed his perception of 'I could live with no one else'. In the past, he would've never done anything nor be angry over something for someone's sake. But now he found himself more than once fought for Allen's sake as if the other meant more than his own life. In the past, he never enjoyed company. But now, he could not stand being alone. He enjoyed Allen's presence, their friends' presence, and before he knew it, he had been socializing with those around him far better than what he had done so far before the boy whom now he audaciously called his Allen came to his life.

He had come before the closed door of his and Allen's room. Without hesitation he entered the room and saw Allen was wide awake, sitting in the bed with their little baby in his arms. At the sight of him, he saw Allen beaming a smile.

"I was just about to go in search for you, where have you been?" Allen asked.

He did not answer that immediately. Rather than that, he approached Allen and sat beside him. He made sure to give Allen and Lucy each a gentle kiss before answering, "I took a walk with your master."

At that, he could see Allen visibly turning pale, "Oh, Yuu, please say that my master didn't do any harmful thing to you, I've posed him not to…"

"We're just having a friendly walk and some chats," Kanda said. "No need to worry, he's quite a nice company."

But Allen looked somewhat more scared than before, "Did he just hit your head? Yuu, I know you'll never say good thing about my master if you're still in your right mind…"

"I still am in my right mind and there is no damage on my body, or maybe you want to examine it yourself?" Kanda suggested with a very clear meaning behind his words that even someone as dense as Allen could notice.

Allen furiously blushed, "Don't say things like that in front of our daughter, please… do you want to contaminate her brain?"

Kanda only snorted but he took their baby's sleeping form from Allen's hands and held her close before his chest. He stared at the little face and said, "They gave us one year."

"Huh?" Allen asked in confusion.

"Those Commanders had agreed to give us one year to enjoy with Lucy before they take her away from us," Kanda said.

Hearing that, Allen had his eyes widened in astonishment. The aura of disbelief was apparent on his face as he said, "But… how… it's too good to be true… oh, Yuu, don't lie to me…"

"Do I look like lying?" Kanda frowned. "I can bring you to the Commanders now if you still doubt my words."

And suddenly, the comprehension settled in Allen. His form relaxed but he stared at Kanda with a little fright, "You threatened them again…"

"No, I did not," Kanda retorted. "Your master did the job."

Allen was confused at best when he whispered softly, "Master… Cross…?"

"Yes, your beloved master has screamed hell in front of those people with me by his side. I've told you we have some chats," Kanda said easily.

"But… why…" Allen said in his loss. "My master is not someone to do anything… for me…"

"And why not?" Kanda asked. "Everyone will do anything they could for you because you're important for them."

It was right. Kanda knew it. Allen was important for every people around him. That boy might not know it but he had given light to many hearts and granted happiness to their live, himself included.

"Important…" Allen whispered. He raised his face and stared straightly into the depth of Kanda's eyes when he asked with his timid voice, "Am I also important for you?"

For once Kanda was disturbed by the fact that he had their daughter in his arms therefore he could not use his hands to embrace Allen. But he gave the boy a deep kiss without releasing his hold on their baby and asked afterwards, "Do you still have to ask?"

Allen smiled and Kanda would also do the same if that time their Lucy did not disturb the lovely scene with her cry. Kanda rolled his eyes to the little girl in his arms as if blaming her partially to ruin the mood but the baby seemed not to care. She just cried louder without being affected by Kanda's glare and the sight was so amusing that Allen find himself laughing at that.

"Now there's someone you cannot scare with your glare and that happens to be your own little baby daughter," Allen laughed as he took the baby from Kanda's arms.

"She must inherit that from you," Kanda grunted though with no real meaning of harm whatsoever. He watched in sheer contentment at the sight of Allen swinging their child slowly back to sleep. It might look strange for people to see Allen who had always been so strong in battle could be that soft and tender. There was no trace of the tough exorcist Kanda had seen during their missions together in the past at the moment when he saw Allen humming soft melodies to their baby. But at the same time, it looked so natural that he could say that Allen was indeed born mother from the very first time.

"I should thank my master for what he has done," Allen suddenly whispered. "And I also want to thank you…"

"Hm?" Kanda asked.

With a meaningful glare Allen stared into Kanda's eyes, his lips held an impish smile and he said, "Does the invitation to examine your body still valid?"

"Is Lucy sleeping?" Kanda asked back.

"She is now…" Allen smiled.

"Have your way."

- end chapter 15 -

(A/N: don't we all love Cross… sigh… if only we have someone like him to threaten our lecturers so that they can delay our deadlines… suw… apparently our TakeLucyAway!muse has won over us… please, if you want to kill us, wait until this fic is finished, okay? Though we can say that next chapter will come much much later than usual, blame it to those dreadful things named homework (if you want to know what homework we have, see our author's page and mourn with us) so, hope you like this chapter and reviews are welcomed. If you want to throw something nasty, please throw them high cuz at this very moment we're hidden behind those high piles of our unfinished paperwork. Thanks for reading and see you next chapter!)


	16. Countdown

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: should we really write this?

Warning: OOC, sap, rambling and filler chapter

Chapter 16 – Countdown

Allen scanned his surroundings cautiously for the presence of Akuma. He spotted them quite easily not long after, and he started to memorize the location and the number of Akuma that he had to purify. He then jumped from his current location, a rooftop of a broken down hotel, to land at his first target while activating his innocence. As he landed, he slashed the first Akuma in front of him without further ado.

Not taking care of the screams that permeated in the air by his action in the daylight, Allen ran into his next target and done the same thing to it. By doing so, he seemingly invited a group of level one Akuma to attack him, and he smirked, pleased that he did not need much time to satisfy his hungered cursed eye.

He calmly lured the Akuma to a more secluded place in the city he was in, while dodging attacks from the said Akuma now and then. He slashed the Akuma that making obstacle in his path and he made his way to a satisfying fighting place in not more than five minutes after.

As he arrived at that said place, Allen assessed his situation again while remained alert with the attacks that were directed to him. He started to slash those Akuma with rapid speed after he did so and his fight ended in mere minutes, leaving no traces of any fight whatsoever when he was done.

Allen huffed in relief and he quickly went to his carriage that would bring him back to the headquarters before the level two Akuma searched for him. He promised his spouse to not fight any level two Akuma because Kanda did not want him to be hurt. It was something that Allen could not really agree upon, since he was already experienced for so long with handling level two Akuma. But because he thought that his spouse's overprotective side was cute, he obliged anyway. Besides, he should make his visits to Komui's clinic of horror as rarely as he could. Well, the clinic was not dubbed clinic of horror without any argument that could support so.

His 'level-one Akuma hunt' had begun from the third month after his daughter's birth. The headquarters gave him suspension because of General Cross' "request". So he did not have the obligation for taking any ordered mission. But since his cursed eyes demanded him to fight with the Akuma, he had little choice of not doing any mission. And so, his hunt became a routine every month so his eye could make him rest.

When Allen finally got back to the headquarters from his supposedly called mission, he heaved out a sigh of relief. It was refreshing to know that he already came back from 'work' and had someone that he knew would be waiting for him. With that thought in mind, he rushed back to his and Kanda's room. He opened the door silently, and was greeted by a sight that made him smile. Sitting in the bed was his husband, frowning and grumbling at their beloved child, Lucy. That sight was included with a pout decorating Kanda's face, something that he never thought would see before. It seemed that Lucy was made some trouble and Kanda couldn't control her.

Allen approached them silently. He was going to make Kanda surprised with his arrival, but Lucy disturbed his intention. She squealed delightedly upon seeing the arrival of her mother, making Kanda turned to his direction.

Kanda eyed him warmly, and he said, "Welcome back."

He greeted back with, "I'm home," and a smile. He then approached his husband and child when Kanda made a gesture that asked Allen to come to him. Allen did just that and he was greeted with a single-handed warm hug. He was about to be rained by kisses before he put his hand in front of Kanda, gesturing that they shouldn't do it in front of his child.

"Don't," he said somewhat timidly.

Kanda frowned at his refusal, but he didn't say anything about it. "How was it?" was something that came out from his mouth instead of a protest.

"The usual…" Allen answered, knowing that Kanda meant how his mission was done. "I'm fine. I know that I have to target the level one instead of level two Akuma."

"We missed you."

Allen smiled at that statement. He hugged his husband and child, while saying, "I miss you too, but you know how the curse of my eye worked."

Kanda just fell silent. "I know," he said after a moment of silence, "It's the consequence of being a special person."

Allen smiled bitterly. "Yes, you are right," he said. "Sometimes I wished that I was a normal person. But if I did, maybe I couldn't meet with you or we couldn't have Lucy."

"Hn."

"You know, Yuu…I started to think that giving Lucy to a new parents that were not occupied as exorcist was the best for Lucy."

Kanda did not making any response with Allen's words but his eyes were signaling him to continue.

"We could be busy enough with our mission to take care of her optimally and I don't want her to feel that she is abandoned by us… Beside that, I know it's pessimistic to say this, but we don't know what will happen tomorrow… There could be one of us, or even both of us that could not return after fighting with the Noah family."

Kanda looked at Allen with sad eyes after he finished talking, with a gaze so sorrowful that made Allen wished he did not say what he just said. They both knew that Allen was right, but they both knew that agreeing with his words was just hard.

The silence that suddenly enveloped the three of them was broken when Lucy cried loudly.

Allen chuckled and he took Lucy from Kanda's arm. "What is it Lucy?" Allen asked. "Are you hungry?"

Allen put Lucy safely on his arms and he took a bottle of milk that was handed by Kanda. He put the tip of the bottle to Lucy, but she refused to drink it. Allen frowned for a while, but then he chuckled.

"Now, now… You just did not like your mama and papa talking about depressing things, did you? Or do you just want us to think only about you, you naughty little girl?"

A continuation of Lucy's cry was all that Allen got as his answer but it was enough to force a laugh to come from his lips as well as a smile to form on Kanda's face. Their little daughter was their most precious treasure and they both knew it.

Seeing that Lucy was still crying, Allen then sang a lullaby for her. It was one of the songs that had been sung by Mana in his childhood, songs that could make him feel better on his bad days. Lucy's cries died down when she heard that song, and she gradually looked drowsy.

Allen smiled and said, "Sleepy, aren't you? Fine, I'll put you on your lovely cradle, okay?"

He was putting Lucy on her cradle when he heard Kanda said, "Seeing you like this never fails to amaze me."

Allen snorted. "Talk for yourself," he said. "You was different yourself when you tuckered Lucy."

Kanda just shrugged.

Allen then approached Kanda and asked, "How was her when I was gone?"

"Naughty," Kanda said, earning Allen's chuckle.

"Did she make much trouble for you?"

"Well, it's understandable, knowing that you're her mother."

"Hey! What does that mean?"

Kanda just smirked as an answer. "Shut up and come here while Lucy still asleep," he said.

Allen obliged his spouse's request and he did not refuse this time when Kanda kissed him. "Now I know how you felt when I left you on the mission while you're pregnant," Kanda said.

Allen snorted. "Don't compare me with you. You left me for three months straight while I just left you for three days, Yuu." He then sighed. "I wonder how it felt when we must be separated for missions after this."

"You're ruining the mood."

"We have to face it sooner or later," Allen said with an exhausted tone. "How much time we have left?"

"Three months twenty days nine hours."

Allen sighed again. "I believe that her next mother have already visited her."

Kanda nodded. "Lucy was given to her temporarily every morning and every afternoon, in two hours on every visit."

"I wonder what person she is…"

"Don't worry," Kanda said. "I have already made sure that she would be in the right hand, even though I didn't really know what kind of person she is."

Allen rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you threaten them again…"

"Almost," he said casually. "Regrettably, Komui had already taken care of it in much more civil way."

"So no blood being spilled, right?" Allen said. "Though still, I want to meet her at least once… after all, it's our daughter that she'll take care of, it somehow feels inappropriate if I never even once see her face to face."

"Should I 'ask' those stupid Commanders for permission to meet them, Lucy's foster parents I mean…" Kanda asked with something that resembled slightly malicious glint in his eyes. "Though I'm sure it wouldn't be a pretty sight afterwards…"

"Thanks for your kind suggestion, Yuu, but no," Allen smiled. "I admit I want to see them but I also know it will only add up our burdens. I will only put my faith in this matter… though I was a little bit intrigued about based on what extent did The Headquarters choose the candidates for Lucy's proprietors…"

"Oh, it's just that the 'father' and 'mother' came from families that have been aiding the church for generations and they both were thus proven loyal to The Order…" Kanda grumbled. "Some stupid aristocracy thing if you ask me…"

Allen chuckled. "That point aside, what do I miss?"

"Nothing much, since you only left for three days. But sadly, you missed her first steps…"

"She could already walk!? Oh no, I missed something so important! When did it happen and how?"

"It happened yesterday." Kanda stopped and smiled upon the reminiscence. "I don't know how exactly did it happen, but she suddenly walked to reach out a bottle of milk from me."

"Aw, so a bottle of milk triggered it…"

"She was just like you, indeed," Kanda said with a smirk, awarded by a light punch from Allen.

"She grew up fast…" Allen sighed dreamily.

"Hn," was all Kanda said before they fell silent again. Allen used that moment to move from his position standing in front of Kanda. He sat beside Kanda and put his head on Kanda's shoulder, facing Lucy's cradle.

"Did you know, Yuu?" Allen said. "Coming back from a mission that involves fighting and seeing you here with Lucy made me felt that I have been in a separate dimension…"

"I shared that sentiment."

Allen smiled. "It's so peaceful here, like I'm dreaming… Yet, I only have three months twenty days and nine hours left and then this dream would end."

Kanda said nothing, so Allen continued his talking. "Do you think I could handle it when she was taken?"

Kanda kissed Allen on his forehead. "You still got me, right? I'll keep your sleep filled with good dreams."

Allen snorted. "I sometimes wondered what others would say if they know you are such a sap person," he said. He pretended to think for a while before he said, "Oh, I know! 'Love would change people.' And they would say, 'Oh, so sweet…' and other stuff like that."

Kanda hit Allen's shoulder lightly. "Shut up, bean sprout," he said. "You really are a mood crusher. I prefer you reacted like when you're pregnant, with your cute blushing acts and such."

"Now you shut up, Yuu," Allen said sharply. "Don't remind me again of how I acted like a woman during those months. It still gives me shivers until now."

Kanda smirked. "Either you're pregnant or not, you still act like a woman sometimes," he said

"I did not!"

"There's no use denying it, bean sprout."

"Oh shut up, being treated like this made me confused about why I decided to give myself to you."

"Because you love me, right?"

Allen grumbled before saying, "Well anyway…" Allen said. "Thank you for your support, Yuu…"

"You're welcome," Kanda said. "Let's not talk about this again, okay?"

Allen nodded. He knew Kanda would support him whatever happened in the future. But hearing him really voiced it out loud made him felt secure. When Lucy left, he knew for surely that he could handle it with Kanda's support. And instead of thinking it, he wanted to savor all the things that happened on the time he got left with Lucy. Engraving Kanda's words on his heart, he knew that he would have the will to face the unseen future that waited for him when his child left.

-end chap 16-

(A/N: we're having a really wet Christmas this year, what's with those storms and floods? Sigh… and there are also our final exams and deadlines and projects and some other little matter like how one of our member gave up the internet until Christmas so that's why we haven't been updating for these recent weeks. For that we're deeply sorry!!! But now we deliver the sixteenth chapter of Shattered Innocence, hope you still remember this piece of fic (smile) as always, reviews are more than welcomed and we have prepared some new year trait so please put down your email address in your review so we can deliver the trait (smile more) for those who have been following this story from the start, such trait will be familiar to you, right? So please be our guest and leave your review. Thanks for your support and hope you have a good reading, see you next chapter and we promise we'll deliver it real soon.)


	17. Time to Say Goodbye

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: should we really write this?

Warning: angst, rambling, OOC

Chapter 17 – Time to Say Goodbye

Everything good was meant to end. Allen always believed that, and that belief was magnified when he faced that day, the day when he had to release his daughter from his care.

That day was started just like any other day. And somehow, Allen hated that fact. Why did that day have to be so bright, the sky so blue, the cloud so white, and overall, it seemed to be too normal? Not that Allen wanted that day to be abnormal, but his mood was so dampened that he wanted the things surrounding him sympathize with him. Not that they could in the first place, Allen knew, but he just wanted to blame something.

His and Kanda's beloved daughter was looking at them on the present moment with her big grey eyes, while babbling incoherent words. She had not been informed that she was going to spent her life with his 'mother' and 'father', not with Allen and Kanda. She had not even understood that the concept of 'mother' was the same as 'mama', while the concept of 'father' was the same as 'papa'. And she had not understood that there should be just one genuine father and mother. It made Allen felt that he was cheating his own daughter.

The bad feeling that stemmed from the thought of cheating and parting with his daughter did not make him show it in front of her, though. He knew better that his daughter was quite sensitive to his facial expression and would know instantly that something was wrong. And he didn't want to make her felt that way.

And so, the ride to the Western Branch of their organization was very tiring for Allen. He kept wearing his persona—his 'mask'—to keep his feeling hidden from his daughter. At that moment, Allen was somehow jealous of Kanda who was sitting beside him. Kanda, being quite an expressionless person at the first place, did not seem to make any effort for looking neutral.

The ride was indeed drained Allen, but when they finally arrived at the church that was appointed to be their rendezvous point with Lucy's new family, his soul felt dry. He felt as if there was lead put inside his stomach when they arrived and he was amazed at himself for keeping his façade in place.

Little Lucy seemed to be delighted upon their arrival. She squirmed when Allen tried to hold her in place inside his hug, so he put Lucy down gently and let her take little steps to observe the big spacious church. He himself observed the church while taking a glance at Lucy once in a while to ensure her safety.

The church was quite magnificent in his opinion. The pillars held the ceiling high, making it look grand. Sun rays lighting the colored windows that were also complemented the huge church. The church's long benches were made from mahogany that looked luxurious with fine coating. The floor was covered by black carpet in the middle, while the uncovered one revealed marble tile.

His eyes then lingered on the church's altar. In front of it stood a man, most likely the one who had the task welcoming them into the magnificent church. And he also was the man who most likely will bring his little Lucy to her new parents.

The man had kind aura surrounding him, and he smiled at them with an angelic smile. He then walked with graceful step towards them, still with that same smile. "I suppose that you are the Kanda family," he said as he approached them.

Allen and Kanda both nodded. Allen took hold of Lucy again and securing her at his arms like he could somehow change the reality that Lucy had to be separated from him.

The man smiled more broadly at Allen's gesture. "My name is Nicholas," he said. "I'm taking charge of this church at this moment. I believe this beautiful little girl is Lucy, isn't she?"

Allen nodded. "Yes, she is," Allen said. "Lucy, say hello to Uncle Nicholas, would you?"

"Hello!" Lucy said with enthusiasm.

"Hello for you too, Lucy," Nicholas said.

"Where are her…'parents'?" Kanda asked suddenly, making Allen flinched.

"The church made the decision that you should ever know neither the faces nor the names of Lucy's 'parents'," Nicholas said. "I believe you have already known that?"

Kanda grumbled.

"But rest assured, Sire," Nicholas said again. "I can tell you that she would be in the good hands."

"How good are they?" Allen asked, feeling overprotective to his daughter all of sudden.

"I should not tell you that," Nicholas said. He took a deep breath for a second and he seemed to assess both Kanda and Allen with his eyes after doing so.

"But it seems that I could not get away with only that said," he continued. "Well, keep it secret that I tell you this, okay?"

Nicholas took a deep inhale, and exhaled it before talking with rapid speed, "Her 'father' is a founder that you both knew well. Her 'mother' was a teacher that already retired and currently working as a baker. They both could not have any children, and so was delighted with Lucy's arrival. It would be most likely that they both shower her with affections, considering they both are affectionate in the nature."

Allen and Kanda blinked with the sudden change of tempo, but after controlled their mind, they both was relieved with the information that Nicholas leaked. They both did not know how much they could believe Nicholas, but they felt that they have to. If they not, it would make things much worse for they cannot let Lucy go.

"When they will arrive?" Kanda asked.

"They are already waiting in the back," Nicholas answered.

Kanda and Allen looked at each other, and then looked at Lucy who at that moment was still looking at the church ceiling; oblivious with the interaction that was taking place in front of her eyes.

Allen sighed deeply. He knew this time would be coming, but then, he never really did think of it as a reality. He tried to deny it, but it was against his nature of doing so. And here he was, trying to calm himself of letting Lucy go.

Kanda tapped his shoulder, and Allen knew that he signaled him to just let it go. And that was what he did after that. He gave Lucy to Nicholas, whom eagerly put her into his arms. Lucy seemed to be quite disturbed to be handed to a stranger, but fortunately she did not voice a single protest. Instead, she just looked at Kanda and Allen with a confused frown.

"Listen now, Lucy," Kanda said, Allen was thankful for it because he did not know if he could voice out their parting to Lucy. "Papa and mama had to go to some place far, far away."

Lucy frowned.

"The place is so far," Kanda repeated. "We might not meet again."

"Why?" Lucy asked with a troubled tone.

"Because uncle horsie and Mr. Ship would be crying if they carry Papa and Mama all the time to see Lucy," Allen found his voice finally. "Papa and Mama would be sad if uncle horsie and Mr. Ship cry, so Papa and Mama would give you to your 'father' and 'mother'."

"Why?"

"Because Papa and Mama could not take care of you from now on, but 'father' and 'mother' could."

"Oh," Lucy seemed to be in the verge of tears. She seemed to be disappointed with that fact, even though Allen did not know either she understood what he was saying or not.

"Don't be sad," Allen said. "If Lucy is sad, Mama would be sad too…"

Lucy rubbed her eyes and said, "Happy!"

Allen smiled. "That's more like it… Be a nice girl, okay? Uncle Nicholas will take you to 'father' and 'mother'."

"Okay," Lucy said. "Bye-bye!"

"Goodbye, Lucy," Allen said after he gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye," Kanda said shortly, while he gave a letter to Nicholas. Allen knew that letter was meant for Lucy's new parents. It contained his letter too beside a beautiful locket that he and Kanda had bought several weeks prior.

That being said and done, Kanda and Allen departed from the church. Allen hastened his pace to the carriage and he did not turn back to see his daughter again. He was afraid that if he did, he would be tempted to take her back with him. He even did not wait for Kanda to match his pace, for he knew that Kanda would do so. Kanda did just that, and sat in the carriage not long after Allen found himself his seat.

Allen lowered his gaze to his shoes. He could not bring himself to meet Kanda's gaze now. He knew that Kanda demanded that with the intensity he felt coming from his gaze, but he only brought his face upward to see Kanda when his chin was lifted by his spouse.

They both gazed at each other with silence, each knowing what the other could possibly say at that moment. They did just that until Kanda said, "Let it go."

It was all it needed to make Allen opened the sluice gate of his emotions. His face was soon flooded with tears, streaming violently from his saddened grey eyes. He tried to stifle his sobbing to retain his pride, but he did not try to hide his tears from Kanda. Kanda had already known all the weak sides of him anyway, so it would not be any use if he tried to hide it now.

He cried, and cried. He hoped everything would be washed away with his tears. All the pain of separation, all the frustration that he got for knowing that he could not care for his child, all the protectiveness he still had for his child, all the regret of being someone who could not conceive a child for Kanda; all the things that made his heart hurt.

He was very thankful that Kanda was beside him. Kanda had already changed his position from seating in front of Allen to now sitting beside him and embracing him in his arms. Kanda did not say any words or try to comfort him and Allen did not try to assert that Kanda need his support either, even though he knew that it was not his only daughter that they left, it was _their_ daughter they left. They both knew that it was not necessary at that moment. Each other presence was the thing that both most needed, and it really was that simple.

Allen stopped his crying, much to his relief, before they took a train back to their headquarters. As fragile as he had already shown, he still wanted to show some manly pride to the people in the headquarters. Beside, he did not want others to be worried by his personal problem. What important now was not his problem, but the trouble that was caused by the Noah's family. He was just an insignificant being anyway, he thought with a sardonic smile, his problem seemed so unimportant if it were to be compared with the terror that struck the world at the moment. And so he held his tongue, he stifled his cries, and by all means he hoped that he could hold his perplexed feelings that time.

Not until they had some privacy in their compartment did Allen say something.

"You know," Allen said. "I always thought that I would be strong to face this day, Yuu. But it seems that I wasn't that strong."

"Hn."

"What's with the 'hn'?" Allen asked. "You know, I expect more from you, you cold-hearted husband! I thought that you had finally learned to show some compassion remembering all the talks we've had before we parted with Lucy!"

"I just didn't want to talk much after our separation with Lucy, and that is all."

Allen had his moment of silence, considering the fact that Kanda showed that he also devastated with their separation with Lucy. But he continued his ranting after a moment anyway, knowing that there were no other things to do or say. And it helped him to face the guilty feeling inside him that told him he had said harsh implication that Kanda was not affected by their goodbye to Lucy. "There, it was that attitude that made me frustrated before we were reconciled, and now you show that again? I can't believe why I cope up with you at all."

Kanda smirked. Allen knew that smirk was meant to tell him that he should not worry much about Kanda. "And what is that attitude you're giving me now, bean sprout? It almost made me think that you're pregnant again."

"Well, I'm sorry if I cannot get pregnant again. You should find yourself a woman to do so."

"Not an option. You know that it has to be you."

Allen blushed prettily at that statement. "What's with you and your annoying attitude?"

"What's with you and your bean sprout attitude?"

Allen took a double-take at that comment. "Are you trying to give a joke? Because if you are, it was not funny."

"I don't care with your opinion on my comment. If it was not funny, then it was your perception that had to be wrong, not mine."

"Are you implying that I'm dumb? And since when did you considered yourself more funny than I am?"

Kanda raised an eyebrow. "Since I wanted it. It never fails to amaze me how you could read my mind. Perhaps it's the power of a bean sprout?"

"Well, one of the power of a bean sprout is to have someone willing to cope up with his dumb attitude. But you know, Yuu, I am a person who believes that similarity attracts each other."

"And the meaning from your words is?"

"You're also dumb," Allen said with a dead-panned tone. "Maybe you're even dumber because you love a dumb person."

"Yes, I admitted that," Kanda said. "But well, at least a dumb bean sprout is good to entertain me."

Allen laughed. "I'd love to continue but this seems to be pointless."

"Nothing seems to be pointless when it is with you."

Allen blushed at those words. "I told you before to stop acting like a soap drama actor, did I? Are you listening to me?"

"I was listening to you at that time, but it did not mean that I should do everything that you said… besides," Kanda paused for a moment and smirked. "Seeing you blushed is quite entertaining."

Allen sighed. "I'm stuck with a person who has weird hobbies."

"Hn. Well, it explains why I love you."

"Did you mean I'm weird!?"

Kanda smirked. "I didn't say that."

Allen sighed again, but then laughed heartily, making Kanda raised his eyebrow. "Do you remember the last time we had argument like this?" Allen asked.

Kanda just shrugged. "You know," Allen said, not bothered by the fact that Kanda did not answer his question. "It's rather refreshing to have something back to normal. I don't think that we bantered too much like this when Lucy was around."

"Hn," was all Kanda's reply.

"Everything after this would return to our normal lives, wouldn't it?" Allen sighed. "Normal as in what we did before this whole innocence incident. Normal like the old us, screaming at each other, going into missions, chattering among ourselves without thinking of anything like feeding Lucy in the middle of the night or worrying over her when she caught a fever or changing her diapers every time she wets herself…"

Allen sighed and chuckled, "Really, when you look at it there are many good sides for this thing also…"

He sensed Kanda's sudden silence and out of nowhere, he found those strong arms of his husband embracing him in a gentle hug. He choked a sob, "I mean… no, I'm not trying to deceive myself or what… it's just that… I don't know… something just… it's like waking up from a long beautiful reverie, you know… no matter how harsh is the world before your eyes, you must face the fact that it is reality."

"I see," Kanda said to him and kissed the top of his head.

"And then… I just have to walk forward, right? I can do it until now, keep walking forward, holding my face high and my shoulders straight. I can do it… for this thing too, I can do it… right?" he whispered.

"We can," Kanda whispered back. "We must."

"I cannot help but noticing how similar Lucy is to me… my parents did after all release their hold of me like what we do to her now," he said, feeling more incoherent than before but he cared less. "And I just can't forgive myself if someday our daughter hates us because of this. I will never forgive myself if she condemns us for abandoning her…"

"Now, you're being irrational," Kanda said as he released Allen from his embrace and tilted his face upwards to meet his own eyes. "It might sound harsh but I think she will remember nothing of us, and, Heaven forgive me, I think it's the best thing for her."

Allen smiled a little, knowing that what Kanda said was the truth. Little Lucy would likely grow up without the memory of them being their real parents, without the memory of them loving her. Those days of the past one year would go into oblivion once she grew up. And Allen knew that it was the best for her, for all of them.

"I'm being ridiculous, aren't I?" he said softly with a quiet laughter.

"You always are," Kanda said, releasing his chin and he snorted a little, knowing there was no real harm in those words.

"But you love me," he said.

"Sorry to say but I think I do," his spouse said.

He only rolled his eyes at that comment coming from Kanda's mouth. People might find it strange but he felt that Kanda's words, no matter how absurd, how harsh, or how stupid they were, could always put his mind at ease, or at least lessen his burden like what he felt now.

He blinked his eyes, feeling that his emotions had more or less been better than what it was some moments ago. With a sigh, he tried to ward off his mind from thinking and mourning over their separation with their daughter. The passing scenery outside the window caught his interest as they showed the bright sunny day of summer and he frowned as a reflection entered his mind. So different, he thought, so different from that fateful wintry day that started all those things. So different, he thought as Kanda's hands came back around his shoulders and pulled him into the other's embrace. He smiled.

So different.

This past year had taught him many things, from the lesson of love to the lesson of loss, from the lesson of happiness to the bitter taste of sadness. But overall, he was thankful for all of those. He still had many things to cherish, he thought as he snuggled deeper into Kanda's embrace and in the process gave the man a chaste kiss. His old self would not think of doing any of those things he did now, but… it was different now… right?

Yeah, he chuckled, so different, but he loved it. He loved it and he loved him, his spouse who was now smoothing his hair in a way that made him feel like he was the most loved person on earth. And maybe he indeed was… at least he felt like one. It was comforting to have someone he loved and loved him back. And he knew though they might never see Lucy again, their love to her would forever remain unchanged. Their memories of her would not fade away, as well as their memories of all the things that had happened between them.

Allen remembered them all; those days of sorrow and laughter. He remembered the cold snow under his feet in that fateful mission they had back then. He remembered the rustling of bed sheets and the warmth of Kanda's breath when they made love in that stormy night. He remembered the shocking revelation they got in Komui's office that led them into their marriage vows before the cross. He remembered their confusions, their denial, their fights, and their sweet reconciliations afterwards. He remembered the feeling of Lucy's soft skin the first time she was put in his arms, and those fathomless eyes of his husband smiling at him. He remembered what it felt like to fall in love, to be in love, and it was not likely that he would able to forget them. Nothing could take those away from him. After all, time could pass and death might come, but love should reign for ever over all.

- the end -

(A/N: Epilogue ahead!!! Yups, this story is finally finished; hope you all have a good reading and such. Sad as it may (though maybe we're the only ones having the sentiment) we must end it here. Please do give us some reviews concerning this story and you'll make us die in perfect bliss… well, maybe not really perfect since we're still stuck here with our ::cough: loadofpaperworksthatssupposedtodueyesterday ::cough:: but your reviews will make it all right. So, you'll review, right… (hide some butcher knives behind their backs and smile) right…?)


	18. Epilogue

Title: Shattered Innocence

Author: DnKS-giRLs

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Kanda-Allen

Disclaimers: should we really write this?

Warning: bittersweet, rambling, OOC

Chapter 18 – Epilogue

Allen stepped outside his room with a sigh. The previous day was rather hard in his opinion. He just came back from his mission and was wounded in many places, amongst those was his innocence. Therefore, he had to face what he had labeled as 'Komui's clinic of horror'. He had already been there countless time, but he still could not adapt to the horror of Komui's treatment. Thinking about that, he shuddered again. Maybe only one thing that he could say matched the horror of Komui's treatment and that was Master Cross' behavior.

Trying not to think about those horrifying moments again, Allen took a meal. When he was finished, a finder whom he recognized as one of the people that had taken care of him when he was pregnant approached him. Allen had fond impression of the founder—whom he recalled with the name Thomas—because he was so patient and compassionate when he had taken care of him. Even now, he still felt that way, since he still corresponded with the said man and he was approved to be a good talking friend. He smiled at him and the other returned his smile.

"Um, pardon me, Mr. Allen, Sir?" the founder, Thomas, said to him when he was already near Allen.

"How many times should I tell you, Thomas, never call me 'Sir' again," Allen said with a smile. "What is it that you want to say?"

"May I ask you whether you would be going anywhere today?"

"No," he said after thinking for a while though he could not guess why the other wanted to know about that. "I planned to take a rest today, my mission yesterday is tiring."

Thomas sighed in relief, while Allen looked at him curiously. "Is there anything wrong?" Allen asked.

"No, no!" Thomas said hastily. "There's nothing wrong. It's just that…"

"It's just?"

"Er… I just wanted to say that I missed you, I haven't seen you since a few months back because you had a mission and I had to go back and forth to the Western branch headquarters."

Allen chuckled. "Please help me by not saying that in front of Yuu."

Thomas smiled. "I know. I never thought I could say that in front of Kanda-san. He was such a possessive husband, and he has every right to become one."

"Yes…" Allen smiled sweetly when he thought back at Kanda. They had a separated mission and Kanda was not supposed to be back until next week. And somehow, Allen was sure that the headquarters was scheming so that they could not meet. Call that intuition but surely, there was nothing else might explain the fact that he and Kanda could only met by mere days in months.

"Thinking about him?"

Allen chuckled again. "What else?"

Thomas smiled. "I should have known that. It's your habit even when you're pregnant."

"Aa..." Allen said, smiling at the reminder of him being pregnant. It was already over seven years ago that it almost seemed like a fantasy that never came into reality. He was just a little over sixteen back then and now he was almost twenty four. Time did flow so fast, and when he remembered those days from the past, the deep melancholy almost suffocated him that he could not help from releasing a sigh.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Thomas said hastily, seeing Allen's expression. "I have said something that should be left unsaid, have I not?"

"It's alright, Thomas. You know that I have already gotten through that, do you?" Allen tried to smile. "All that is left to be wished by me is to know that Lucy grows up into a fine young girl. Sometimes, I can't help myself to think about her growth with her new parents. All I can do is to believe on them."

"About that…" Thomas said and he looked around at the people in the cafeteria. He lowered his voice when he said the next words, "I can tell you that she grows up into a beautiful young girl."

"Really?" Allen said. He knew that at one day Thomas would eventually say something to him about the information of her daughter. It really helped when people he knew was transferred to the Western branch Headquarters and that people was willing to help him. "How does she look?"

Thomas chuckled. "She is just like Kanda-san with your eyes…"

Allen smiled. "Thank you for that information, Thomas…"

"You don't want to know more?"

"You know that it's too dangerous for you. It's your reason for not telling me about Lucy in your letters, isn't it?"

Thomas smiled regretfully. "I'm very grateful for your assertiveness."

"No, it's me that should be grateful. Because of your information, I think that I could sleep well without Yuu's assurance tonight."

"It's my pleasure," Thomas said. He then paused a while before continuing, "You should take a walk around the headquarters to greet everyone."

"Hmm… You're maybe right. I haven't greeted everyone personally for a while. I should follow your advice or I would be labeled not caring about them anymore," Allen said as he thought. "And by the way, is this only my feeling or indeed The Headquarters is rather lively today?"

"Yes, it is," Thomas said. "Because today is a special day."

Allen frowned at that statement and seeing his expression, Thomas continued his explanation.

"You see, we, finders are different from exorcists. While you may live and work in one certain headquarters for your whole live, we often find ourselves being regulated to one branch of headquarters to another. It's our way of living and today is one of those regulation days."

"I see…" Allen said. "Is that why I've been seeing unfamiliar faces today? Are they the new finders situated here?"

"Oh, no, they're our families," Thomas said. "That's what makes today so special because this is one of those few occasions where the Commanders allow us to see our families. They are here to meet us and go with us to our new respective places. I myself have to go to the Western Branch today."

"Is that so?" Allen said, somewhat disappointed because he could not ask for Lucy again in the near time when he had some privacy. "Be careful on your way there, then, and please give my greetings to your wife and child."

Thomas nodded. "Thank you, take care of yourself and be sure to take a walk in the headquarters. Maybe you could see something great?"

Allen chuckled. "I will take a walk and greet everyone; you just rest assured and tell them that."

Thomas then gave his last wave of goodbye and left. Allen took a note in his mind to tell Kanda about the information he just got when he contacted him again. He then sighed. It was true that he had not taken a walk in the headquarters for a while, since it always reminded him of his past days when he was still conceiving Lucy. Those times he so often found himself walking hand-in-hand with Kanda, talking heartily and affectionately. But he then assured himself that he could get past it like he could get past his dream to see Lucy again. Knowing Lucy was alright had been more than enough for him. And so, with that in his mind, he took a step to explore the headquarters again.

-end-

(A/N: we wish it could be ended here since we're sleepy but we're not that cruel (snicker), so, moving on…)

As he spent his time to take a tour in the headquarters, his feet brought him to the abandoned corridor when he had his usual morning sickness on his pregnant days. He smiled fondly at that memory. He remembered how fool he was at that time; he wanted to look strong when he was actually very weak. The worst part was he had acted not based on his heart consent when he faced Kanda. Those days and those memories were very precious for him, saddening as it might be; the feeling was so intense, so bittersweet, and so sentimental that he felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

Even though he smiled at the first time he remembered the triggered memories, his smiled was soon wiped out of his face. That was, because he heard strange noises. When he strained his ears to listen what the strange noises were, he recognized it as the sound of someone crying. The sound was possibly come from a girl or a woman, since it got a feminine character.

Allen looked for the source of the sound, and when he found it his heart suddenly seemed to almost stop.

The source of the sound came from a little girl with a black, long hair wearing a black dress. He could not see the girl's face, but seeing her hair, he unconsciously associated her with Lucy.

Could it be that Heaven finally took pity on him, Allen thought. After all he had done to help the work oh God on earth, Allen thought that he was supposed to be given some rewards. It was stupid, but he could not help himself from hoping. Could it be that Heaven finally showed Lucy to him?

"Little girl," Allen said softly, but it had the power to startle the girl he met. "Why are you crying?"

The girl raised her head and revealed her face that was covered by her hands a moment ago. And when she did, Allen almost yelled in shock. Thankfully, he still got his self-control that helped him not to yell.

What made him almost yell was that girl he approached had the face that reminded him of Kanda at every detail. The part of her body that did not resemble Kanda was her eyes. Her eyes were grey, and it was just like Allen. Furthermore, she wore a locket that was familiar to him. And that locket was meant for his only daughter.

Heaven had finally took pity on him, it seemed.

Allen almost pinched his cheek to know whether he was dreaming or not, when the girl asked him with teary eyes, "Please mister… Could you… Could you please, please help me find my mother?"

Allen felt a tug in his heart when the girl said that, and he said, "Sure, but before that, could you please tell me your name?"

The girl seemed to interrogate Allen with her brilliant grey eyes to see if he could be trusted. "Sure…" she finally said after a while. "I'm Lucy."

It was confirmed there. The beautiful little girl before his eyes was really his daughter. They had asked her foster parents to name her Lucy, and he was grateful that his and Kanda's requests was fulfilled.

"Excuse me, mister," Lucy said, her voice was not trembling again like before and her tears had stopped. "I have told you my name so can you… please tell me yours?"

Allen smiled. "I would be glad to introduce myself to the smart fine little girl like you. My name is Allen Walker Kanda. Please just call me Allen."

"Okay then, Uncle Allen," Lucy said while rubbing the remainder of her tears. "And… can we… search for my mother now?"

There was a pang of sadness in his heart whenever Lucy said 'mother. It reminded him of his loss but Allen knew he could do nothing about that, so he just tried not to think about that and smiled instead, saying, "Fine, shall we go?"

He gave the little girl his hand which was caught by her without hesitation. His Lucy had not changed, Allen mused, she was still so pretty and sweet. She had grown up beautifully.

If only Kanda was also there to see their daughter with him…

Noticing that he still had more important business in his hands, Allen shook the thought. She knew they had to find Lucy's mother as soon as possible, with or without his selfish desire to keep Lucy for his own for some little longer. But the Main Headquarters was not really a small building and Allen knew they would spend a great amount of time trying to search for one person whose location was unknown to both of them. Thus being said, he then ordered Timcanpi to search for Lucy's mother with the characteristics that was described by her.

They watched as his faithful golden golem flew in search for Lucy's mother. Now they only had to wait.

"It seems like we have to wait for Tim to find your mother," Allen smiled to the girl. "But waiting can be boring, right? Do you want to take a tour around this building?"

"Can we really?" Lucy asked with her big brilliant eyes. "What if we get lost? This building sure is huge."

"Sure we can, Tim can find me wherever I am," Allen said with a chuckle. "And I won't get us lost here; I've been working here for so long, since before you were born. So I have memorized all the parts of this building."

"Uncle Allen is working here?" Lucy asked him. "Are you an exorcist?"

Allen smiled, "Yes, I am."

"I will be an exorcist too someday, father said so," Lucy said enthusiastically. "Father works here too, but he's not an exorcist, and now mother and I are going to meet him. You both work in this place so maybe you know my father, Uncle Allen."

Allen only smiled somewhat sadly at that and murmured softly, "Maybe… maybe I do know him…"

He did not want to have that topic be brought now but somehow, he felt that Lucy understood. The girl shut her mouth politely at once and not mentioned anything concerning that ever again. She slightly changed the subject of their conversation and was now chattering lively about everything she met up with in their tour around the main hall of the Headquarters. Seeing that, Allen thought that he should have expected no less from his daughter; she had always been so well in reading people's emotions from the very start.

And he should have expected that Lucy, being Kanda Yuu's daughter she was, immediately stared full of curiosity at the double grand doors that was leading to the training hall. Allen sighed when he realized that his daughter was actually making her way to the doors without waiting for his approval. And since he did not have any other option, he followed her entering the spacious room behind those doors.

The sights and sounds of people battling each other soon filled their ears. Allen cringed when he saw Lucy actually smiled in a way that reminded him very much of Kanda's smile and he was almost sure that his little girl would surely jump forward with a katana in her hand to challenge random people there.

Oh, Yuu, he thought, just look what have you done with our only child…

But suddenly his eyes caught the sight of Rabi and Rinali standing a few feet away from him. Those two also saw his coming and Allen glimpsed something similar to disbelief as they walked to the spot where he stood with Lucy, her hand still in his.

"It can't be," Rinali said as soon as she was near enough to Allen and Lucy.

"Heaven shows me mercy," Allen smiled, then he knelt before Lucy and introduced her to his two friends who were also her godparents, but he couldn't say that, of course. "Lucy, this is Aunt Rinali, and this is Uncle Rabi. They're my friends here."

"I'm Lucy," Lucy said sweetly. "Nice to meet you."

Allen could see how his two friends staring at Lucy in mixed emotions but soon they concealed them and showed none but sheer happiness. His Lucy had no trouble of adjusting herself to their company and soon they were already chatting lively like some good friends. To good maybe, since Allen thought he caught something in his daughter's eyes whenever she spoke with Rabi. In his observation, he could see that she seemed had taken Rabi's rash attitude as attractive. His suspicion was strengthened when he heard Lucy said in a straightforward tone of her intention of being Rabi's future wife.

Hearing that, Allen's face went white and without further upheaval he took Lucy out of the training hall with whatever excuses he could think. He looked back once and saw Rinali chuckling and Rabi having an expression of pure confound. He looked at Rabi with a murderous aura that spoke clearly of 'Don't touch my daughter' before speeding up his steps to take Lucy as far as possible from that room. Really, how could he stand still when his daughter, his own one and only daughter suddenly said that she wanted to marry his best friend who was, ahem, nineteen years older than her? He knew that maybe she was only joking but it was better to take precautions…

And so they had their peaceful journey for around the next thirty minutes before suddenly someone named Kanda Yuu entered the frame. Though Allen knew that Kanda's mission was not supposed to end yet, he could see his spouse now striding across the corridor to his direction with homicidal aura and Allen involuntary took a few steps back with Lucy. His spouse could be so intimidating sometimes… no, make it all the times instead…

"You idiot bean sprout!" was the first thing that came out from Kanda's mouth when he saw Allen.

Allen panicked, thinking about the things that he had done. He could not remember anything bad that he had done to make Kanda so angry at him.

"Where is that girl?!" Kanda shouted afterwards.

"What girl?" Allen asked, confused all of sudden. Allen then frowned, the last time Kanda showed his jealousy was another pandemonium to the headquarters. He didn't cheat at Kanda, that's for sure, but he wanted to know why he suddenly accused himself with a girl.

"Rabi said that you walked hand-in-hand with a girl, now where is she?!"

Allen almost burst out laughing when Lucy said, "You think it's maybe me?" to Kanda and Kanda expression when he saw Lucy was priceless.

Allen knew that his spouse was nowhere near stupid. He knew that Kanda had been cherishing the memory of their daughter as dearly as himself. He knew that Kanda too, like him, had never lived a day without the hope of ever seeing their daughter again, no matter how little that hope was. And so he knew that at the first sight of the little girl before him, Kanda Yuu surely recognized her immediately.

He could see various emotions running inside his husband who were now staring at their daughter. He knew though the other did not show it that Kanda was almost could not retain himself. But quickly, like usual, he controlled himself and then said, "I'm sorry, I had my mistake."

"It's alright mister," Lucy said. "Are you Uncle Allen's lover?"

Allen laughed and said, "Yes, his name is Yuu, and he's my husband. Are you okay with that?"

"With what?" Lucy asked ingenuously.

"With a man who is marrying another man," Kanda explained with a gentle smile to the girl.

"Uncle Nicholas sometimes went secretly with Uncle Jefferson to do lovey-dovey stuffs," Lucy said with a little frown. "But I don't think anything is wrong with that…"

"I see…" Allen said, though in his mind he had already made sure to tell Lucy's parents never to let her be anywhere near that 'Uncle Nicholas' and 'Uncle Jefferson' when they were doing their 'lovey-dovey stuffs'. They could give Lucy bad influence for all he knew! And when his eyes met Kanda's, he knew instantly that his spouse too was thinking the same thing like him.

Somehow, he really wanted to laugh at their current situation. Now he knew what it felt like to be an over-protective parent. That was what was supposed to be, right, he thought bitterly. He and Kanda should be the ones worrying over Lucy like what any other parents did. He and Kanda should be the ones protecting her, nervously waiting for her coming home everyday, happily looking after her growing up, and proudly watching over her as her parents.

But they just couldn't do that… right?

And speaking about parents, it reminded him of the genuine reason of them wandering around the Headquarters. He quickly then explained to Kanda the situation they had in hands, of how Lucy was currently searching for her mother. Hearing that, Kanda's face twitched a little but else than that he showed nothing.

"Well, then, I think we better continue searching," Kanda said after Allen had finished his explanation. "Come, Lucy, let's search for your… mother."

Allen winced at the slightly disturbed tone of Kanda's voice. Nonetheless he let it pass and rather took Lucy's hand again. In that moment, his loyal Timcanpi decided to show itself before them. Allen knew that their time was up. Now they must handed Lucy back to her 'mother'.

They walked with Timcanpi leading the way. Allen unconsciously replayed the event that took place seven years ago when they handed Lucy over to the care of her foster parents. And now, they were going to do the very same thing again. It was blatant lie if he said that he did not feel sad at all.

But Lucy was happy. She was ecstatic in the prospect of meeting her mother again. She almost ran when they were already near the one woman who stood alone amidst the crowded hallway. Their reunion was sweet. The woman, upon seeing Lucy's arrival, rushed to her and took the little girl into her arms with a happy laugh. They indeed looked so happy, Allen mused, sometimes life was just not fair…

He gazed at them and at one point his eyes met the eyes of the woman. They stared at him in varied emotions. There was fear, there was confusion, there was disbelief, and amongst all, there was recognition.

Allen knew that the woman surely made out their true identities as Lucy's real parents. Her similarities in feature with Kanda were uncanny and no one could have found any difference of her eyes with Allen's own beautiful grey ones. He knew that she was not sure of what to do, and to save them from the awkward situation, Allen found Kanda take the lead of their conversation. His spouse courteously explaining their encounter with Lucy and in the process implied their gratitude in knowing that she had been raising Lucy well. He made it clear that they did not have any intention of taking Lucy back, they could not do that, not now and not ever. That fact being said, Allen could see a wave of relief passing on the woman's face. She had to be really scared of them if they would take Lucy from her.

Allen was familiar with that sentiment; he too was a parent who was so afraid of parting with her daughter once…

They exchanged some polite speech afterwards before it was finally time for Lucy and her mother to go. Some words of goodbye were spoken and that time Allen knew that this goodbye could so well mean that they would never meet again. He was sad, but he could not help himself from smiling when Lucy gave him a very tight hug before she ran to her mother's side. Her laughter soon faded away as the figures of the two slowly walking away from the place where he and Kanda stood.

"Our Lucy really grows up beautifully," he heard Kanda say and felt an arm circling his shoulder. A warm body pressed against his side and he smiled.

"Yes, and I now am content knowing that she's fine," he softly said.

They looked at Lucy's figure grew distant, and at that time, Allen knew instantly that he already had given up on Lucy. He knew now that Lucy had a nice family and that was better than being in the Headquarters and got mixed up with his and Kanda's attentions to missions. And, as long as Lucy was happy, he knew that he could be relaxed now. As long as Lucy was happy, he could be happy too. And that was all that mattered…

-the end-

(A/N: finally the end. Whether you take this as happy or not, it's all up to you. Hope you all have a good reading, and please do give us some reviews… (smile) we know you want to…And anyway, we're thinking of making a sequel...but it depends on whether or not we are lazy to write down the er…some scene that we had the concept on… Sorry for the delay, one of our writer had his phone line down because of flood, and she couldn't go anywhere too…oh...pray for her that the flood would end soon!)


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